Watching TV Makes You Thin! No, Really.

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TLC has announced “I Can Make You Thin,” a new reality series that will follow British weight-loss guru Paul McKenna as he takes his health techniques stateside.

Paul McKenna

From Reality TV World (my go to source for the “real” news):

I Can Make You Thin will showcase McKenna’s “4 Golden Rules” — simple and accessible techniques that McKenna claims will show viewers “how to control the mind’s relationship with food” and shed pounds without leaving their couches.

“This is not a diet, ” explained McKenna. “It’s about changing your life using simple psychological techniques which transform people’s relationship with food forever. I am thrilled to bring this successful program to America for the first time.”

It’s obvious to me that Paul McKenna has achieved the status of Master Jedi Knight. How else to explain his advanced mind control skills? But why is he wasting his time with the woes of lazy people who think they can lose weight without putting forth any effort? If I were him, I’d use the force of the Dark Side to become President of the Universe. First on the “to do” list: make an Amendment which bans all movies starring Ashton Kutcher and Keanu Reeves (minus the first two Matrix movies) from ever being played again. Second on the list? Alicia Keys has to sing the phone book to me every night before I go to sleep.

Alicia Keys

Reality TV World also reported:

In addition, I Can Make You Thin will also include a live studio audience, field segments, scientific research, and at-home strategies. “Paul is a pioneer in the field of weight-loss, challenging and exercising the mind’s relationship with food,” said TLC programming executive Brant Pinvidic. “Finally, American viewers will learn why the TV might be the most important weight-loss tool ever.”

I’d like to see this “scientific research.” Something tells me it entails Unicorn tears and rainbows. Likewise, after programming executive Brant Pinvidic made that asinine comment about the tv being the most important weight-loss tool ever, TLC made a public announcement saying they’re in the process of developing a new show called “I Can Make You Want to Hit Brant Pinvidic With a 2×4.” Set your DVR’s!

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