Muscletech Can Sell a Coatrack To a Moose
As a strength coach, my weeks are generally spent working with a variety of people with varying backgrounds and ability levels. On any given day I can be teaching a young athlete how to deadlift, working with a professional pitcher on his medicine ball drills, or helping a new client fix their lower back pain. Inevitably, however, discussions will also tend to lead to the topic of supplements.
What should I take?
How often should I take them?
What do you take?
Will “x-supplement” give me abz?
Is creatine steroids?
I’ve discussed my stance on supplements in the past, and while we do recommend a handful of them to our clients at CP, we generally take a minimalist approach. I mean lets be honest, I’m in the business of helping people get results, and I’d be remiss to say that certain supplements don’t have their place in regards to helping people recover, enhance performance, and/or make people of the opposite sex want to hang out with them.
Nevertheless, it’s always amusing when clients bring in certain supplements and ask our opinions on them. To their credit, we have smart clients, and when they bring something in, it’s usually something they got as a free sample and they just want to see what our reactions are going to be. More often than not, it’s something like this:
So the other night, CP’s longest tenured client (who’s getting ready for her 3rd Boston Marathon) walks in and says “Tony, I have something for you to look at. I ordered some stuff the other day, and they sent me a sample packet of this. What is it and what the heck does it do?”
I have to give Muscletech credit, they know how to market. I mean, how can you not want to try something that will give you the “World’s strongest vaso-anabolic psychoactive experience.” In supplement speak, I’m pretty sure that means you’ll cause an earthquake when you flex your pecs and/or you’ll be able to fly. Or maybe it just means you’ll end up with explosive diarrhea. I don’t know, it’s one of the two. *shrugs*
Flip to the back label and you’re bombarded with a myriad of ingredients (I lost count at 50) that sound more like the Periodic Table of Elements than anything else.
Better still, are the directions:
Directions: naNO Vapor is extremely powerful, so do yourself a favor. Start off by mixing 1 serving (1 scoop) with 4 oz. of cold water and downing it about 15 minutes before hitting the weights. Then, grab something heavy. As you develop respect for, and understand the power of naNO Vapor, you can gradually increase the dosage to 3 scoops mixed in 12 oz. cold water.
Due to the extreme reactivity of the naNO Vapor formula, make sure the container is stabilized for at least 10 to 15 seconds before opening the lid. Otherwise, vaporized particles invisible to the naked human eye may escape the confines of the container. Do not leave the container open for more than 30 seconds. Due to the unbridled power of naNO Vapor, make absolutely certain that you have read the entire label before using naNO Vapor. You must follow the directions provided.
What tha!?!?! Is NASA launching a rocket ship or something? Regardless, I’m sold! Now excuse me while I go nanomolecularize my vascular expanders. What ever that means.*