My good friend Bryan Krahn has a weekly “series” he does on his Facebook page called Five Boner Friday. Each iteration centers around random thoughts he has on training, nutrition, life, being a dad, supplements, and not actual boners.

Thank god.

I used to write a similar series titled Miscellaneous Miscellany Mondays.

Today is not a Monday. But I am sitting here in Los Angeles (actually a random coffee house in Beverly Hills) with some time to kill before I have to go present this afternoon, so I figured…

…lets do this. Miscellaneous Miscellany is back!

Starting with a picture of Keto Crystals.

Copyright: amaviael / 123RF Stock Photo

Keto Crystals

Yep, it’s true.

Not long ago Gwyneth Paltrow was able to convince thousands (maybe millions of people?) that placing jade eggs into their vaginas – oftentimes overnight – would somehow, via some sort voodoo, Shaman wizardry, help them “better connect to their power within.”

Via Washington Post (2018):

“For $66, one can buy a dark nephrite jade egg, which allegedly brings increased sexual energy and pleasure. Or, for $55, there is the “heart-activating” rose quartz egg, for those who want more positive energy and love.”

So I am starting a market for Keto Crystals.

When you hold the emerald colored crystal in your left hand anything you eat becomes carb-free! Moreover, when you place the orange crystal under the light of a full-moon, and play Prince’s Purple Rain album backwards, you will immediately pee ketones!

It’s legit.

And if can all be yours for $47/crystal (and the soul of your first born child).

Okay, lets get serious now

1. Program Design Simplified

As I mentioned above I am here in LA for a few speaking engagements. I flew in from Boston yesterday morning and when I checked into my hotel I texted my good friend Ben Bruno to see if he had some free time to hang out.

He did.

As is the case every time he and I get together we got to talking about stuff we’ve learned, stuff we don’t have enough eye rolls to give, business, and the fitness industry in general.

Just two dudes talking shop (<— OMG, podcast idea?).

Anyway, we started discussing program design and how we’re both flummoxed at how complicated some coaches/trainers make it seem.

Now, to be clear: Ben and I both recognize there’s a ton of nuance to program design. There’s no “one size fits all” template and there are many, many factors to consider. However, Ben made a profound statement as we were chatting that I felt sealed the topic of program design into a nice, neat, tidy, little bow.

Ben gave an example of a basketball player:

“I have a few NBA guys I work with who have cranky knees. I feel the trap bar deadlift is a great fit for them. Then I just place an emphasis in more HIP DOMINANT movements. The upper body stuff sorta takes care of itself: rows, weighted push-ups, Landmine variations, etc. That’s pretty much it.”

Cue Nazi Face Melt here:

I brought up some of my clients.

More than a few – male and female – have come in on Day #1 saying their goal is to be skinnier. Okay, cool. I’m not going to do them (or me) any favors wagging my finger at them saying “you don’t need to get skinner, you need to get strong!”

If I did that they would have done nothing more than move on to the next trainer on their Google search.

Instead, I did this profound thing called…listening to them.

  • I focused on compound movements (which tend to burn more calories)
  • I implemented some quickie 5-15 minutes “finishers” at the end of their session to elevate their heart rate.
  • I began conversations on their eating and sleep habits.

Namely, my objective was to build some consistency with their training – build more autonomy – and wammo-bammo they’d begin to see results.

Seriously people, it’s not rocket science. Yes, it behooves you to have a base knowledge of functional anatomy, physiology, and/or to read a bunch of Tudor Bompa’s early work on periodization.

That being said, a lot “program design” is intuition and just LISTENING to your client(s).

2. Business Advice For Fitness Pros

I am the LAST guy to put “savvy business person” next to his name. But sometimes I’m able to finagle a sound piece of advice on this front.

The impetus, coming from this Tweet via Jill Coleman:

I responded with:

“Not making money? Less focus on sales funnels and more on the fact your product, I.e., the client experience (probably) sucks.”

It’s something I parroted off a conversation I had with Cressey Sports Performance business director, Pete Dupuis, not long ago when he posited, “that seminar you’re attending to learn how to build the perfect sales funnel isn’t going to solve your problems if your product sucks. Chase perfection inside your training space and the marketing will figure itself out.”

Fitness professionals are easily seduced into thinking all they need to be successful is some slick marketing campaign or some insight into out-smarting Facebook’s latest algorithm to enhance their sales funnels.

Bullshit.

  • Be on time.
  • Greet your clients with a smile.
  • Provide a safe, engaging, and fun training environment.

Plus, too, if you’re unable to coach-up a squat, and you suck as a coach…

…all the marketing in the world isn’t going to compensate for that.

Client RETENTION is the key.

If you’re able to keep your current clients happy you won’t necessarily have to worry about marketing for new ones.

Plus, the former is a helluva lot cheaper.

3. Quick Reminder

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