Yes, I DO Eat All Those Eggs

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Here’s something to ponder. Why is it every time I go through the line at the grocery store, the cashier, without fail, will make a comment like:

“Wow, you eat a lot of eggs.”


“Boy, you sure do like your vegetables. Making a salad for dinner?”


“Sir, could you please put your pants back on?”

Why do people make such a big deal out of the fact that I buy healthy foods? A few weeks ago, I was shopping at Trader Joe’s, and this random woman stopped me in the aisle and looked into my cart* and commented on how healthy I ate. “Uh, thanks?.”

To be honest, all I really want to do when people go out of their way to make comments like that is to break a ketchup bottle over my head and challenge them to a death match. Chainsaws optional. Don’t get me wrong, I realize they’re trying to be friendly, but holy mother of god it gets annoying. How come people never say anything to those who have nothing but bagels, Ben and Jerry’s, Spaghetti O’s, and endless bottles of soda in their cart?

“Attention all shoppers, looks like someone is emotionally eating today!!!”


“You know, I have a friend who eats like that too. I hate that bitch. Will that be paper or plastic?”


“Are you paying with cash, credit or a case of type II diabetes?”

* eight cartons of Omega-3 eggs, two packages of lean ground beef, a plethora of fresh produce (apples, pears, assorted peppers, bags of spinach), frozen blueberries, mixed nuts, milk, beef jerky, four containers of cottage cheese, a few cans of plain pumpkin, and a copy of Us Weekly. Ummmm, that’s for my friend Rachel. Yeah, that’s it Rachel, who’s a girl. Cause you know, only girls buy Us Weekly. *grabs latest issue of In Touch as well*


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Plus, get a copy of Tony’s Pick Things Up, a quick-tip guide to everything deadlift-related. See his butt? Yeah. It’s good. You should probably listen to him if you have any hope of getting a butt that good.

I don’t share email information. Ever. Because I’m not a jerk.

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