Morning Cup of Vomiting In My Mouth II

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As the title suggest, I’m bringing back a classic. I need to do this more often.


Two decades after revolutionizing women’s fitness with step aerobics*, Reebok has unveiled “Jukari Fit to Fly,” a new exercise program that the company is bringing to gyms worldwide. Through a partnership with entertainment company Cirque du Soleil, the Canton based company is attempting to create more fun in the gym and reclaim its reputation as the women’s fitness expert with an hour-long workout that includes a mix of cardio, strength training, balancing, and core training on a contraption known as the FlySet.

Wow. Just wow. I don’t really know what to say here. About the only thing Reebok is going to “revolutionize” with this FlySet contraption is reminding me how much those flying monkeys from The Wizard of Oz creeped me the f*** out, and gave me nightmares for two straight weeks when I was a kid.

Thanks a lot Reebok. *crawls into corner sucking thumb*

The equipment hangs from the ceiling and consists of a three-stranded rope with a 360-degree swivel point attached to a steel bar that strengthens and lengthens the body and creates the sensation of flying during the workout. Jukari comes from the Italian word “to play.”

That’s funny, in English, Jukari comes from the word “to have a sudden urge to want to throw myself in front of a train of retarded sauce.” How many gyms are going to allocate the funds to set this up? Seriously. Seems like it would be a rather expensive investment for something that I can almost guarantee will fizzle out in a matter of months, if not weeks. Not to mention this just reeks of torn rotator cuffs and ACL’s. Nothing against Cirque du Soleil (I’ve been to three shows and they’re all amazing), but they should stick to what they’re good at. Which is, making music I don’t understand, and having half naked women be half naked.

I’m so sick and tired of these companies trying to pawn off these gimmicky fads (it’s impossible to “lengthen” muscles. In regards to their origin/insertion points at least.) as something revolutionary for the fitness industry. Here’s a novel idea. Buy some barbells and dumbbells, and lift them. Repeatedly. I know, I just blew your mind right?

* hahahahahahahahaha. That’s like saying Britney Spears revolutionized good parenting. Swish, and one.

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Plus, get a copy of Tony’s Pick Things Up, a quick-tip guide to everything deadlift-related. See his butt? Yeah. It’s good. You should probably listen to him if you have any hope of getting a butt that good.

I don’t share email information. Ever. Because I’m not a jerk.

Comments for This Entry

  • chy12

    Comme nous savons que?notre magasin?  Nike?Air  est?symbolisent?realiable?et crédible.?Et notre?Nike?Chaussures?de sortie?a?gagné?beaucoup de compliments?de bonnes.?De nombreux clients?qui nous font confiance?et?ont des relations?d'affaires en constante?bulit avec nous.?Il?ya une grande variété?de style et de?types de modèles?dans notre magasin Nike?de vente en ligne.?Il?contient?les?beaux?hommes?Nike?sandales qui?tous avec?un excellent design?et de haute?quality.Otherwise,?ici,?vous pouvez également?trouver des chaussures?Nike?qui peut être un?symble?de?maturité?et de la mode,?sont très durables et exclusive.?Si vous voulez?acheter des bottes?Timberland?avec la meilleure qualité?et?plus tard?de la mode, notre?Louis Vuitton?de sortie?est votre meilleur?choice.Then?vient?à notre site,?vous pouvez certainement?répondre?avec eux. 

    April 28, 2012 at 12:31 am | Reply to this comment

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