CategoriesFemale Training

How I Respond When Female Clients Use the I Don’t Want to Get Bulky From Lifting Weights Cliche

I received a question recently via my Instagram DM’s and figured it prudent to take some time to write a more thorough response I could share with the masses here.

1. I hope it helps and makes sense.

2. Um, why aren’t you following me on IG?1

Here’s the question:

“What is your response to female clients who use the cliche of not wanting to get bulky when training? Any practical scientific routes that you speak about to dispel this myth?”

Copyright: milkos

My Response 👇👇

I gotta be honest and forthright out of the gate…

…I really do feel this sentiment and way of thinking is shrinking and becoming less of a “thing” in 2022. Granted this is just my N=1 experience, but since this is my blog, pretty much anything I say here should be taken as fact.

Like:

  •  Hacks is the funniest show on television right now.
  • Baseball players can (and should) perform overhead pressing.
  • I think my cat wants to kill me.
  • No, really, I’m not kidding.
  • Why are you looking at me like that, Dagny?
  • No, wait, stop. STOP.
  • Ahhhhhhhh.

I joined my first commercial gym in 1996. I came home for the summer after my freshman year in college and was elated to find out my hometown had suddenly gotten a bit more badass and opened up a gym.

(it sure beat having another pizza shop open up)

It was stellar and it served as my “home-base” until I left for New England in the fall of 2005. In those nine years it was very rare to see a woman in the free-weight area lifting weights. I felt it was fantastic anytime I saw it happen, but it was a rare event.

Akin to me wearing shorts in public.

Anyway, once I moved to New England (and subsequently Boston) I ended up living in a proverbial strength & conditioning bubble where people of all shapes and sizes (as well as non-Y chromosome havers) performed full-rom pull-ups, were more inclined to squat on Monday than bench press, and salivated when it was deadlift day.

Young woman power lifting training indoor gym alone

And that’s where I lived until this past Fall when I joined my first commercial gym since 2005. I’ve been training there for the past several months and it’s night and day in terms of the general vibe.

Everyday I see various women squatting, deadlifting, thrusting, and lifting appreciable weight. It’s awesome and I love that the mentality and attitude toward strength training has shifted to reflect a stark contrast compared to a generation prior.

That said, it’s not lost on me that the stigma of “lifting weights will make me bulky” still stings in today’s society and that it festers in the psyche of some women still.

The best way I can answer this question is in two parts:

1. What to NOT say and do.

2. The opposite of that.

What to NOT Say and Do

The question sent to me asked if I have a “practical scientific route” I take when this issue comes up. I do (or I should say did), but it rarely (if ever) works.

If I’m honest, early in my career I took this approach and it makes me cringe to think about it. If a new female client brought up her concerns about putting on too much muscle it took a lot of will power on my end to not have my eyes roll out of their sockets.

And then I’d get all “mansplainy” and wax poetic about hormone profiles and how women have waaay less testosterone than men and that it’s really hard to put on muscle.

I’d say something snide like:

“It’s hard to put on muscle. 100% of guys wish they could add muscle as fast as many women “think” is possible.”

Then, to top it off, like an a-hole I’d continue…

“You won’t turn into He-Man in a week. Or a month, or a year for that matter.”

Like I said, I cringe when I think about how I used to handle this sort of conversation. I’m willing to bet I lost more potential (female) clients then gained taking this approach.

Here’s What I Now Do Instead

At this point in my career I tend to get a lot of self-selected clientele. Meaning, by the time someone walks through the front door the day of their initial assessment or session, they’re already perfectly aware of what they’re getting themselves into.

They’ve either read a lot of what I have written and know my general approach to training or they look up at the sign above the door and read my tagline…

Surprise!

Nevertheless, while I still like to endorse some level of education on the topic of women and strength training, I’ve since rescinded my global approach to a large degree.

I still play devil’s advocate at times and will say something like “saying you’re going to get big & bulky from strength training is like me saying I’m going to win a gold medal in the Olympics because I went out and did some sprints yesterday.”

(and then I keep my fingers crossed that there’s nothing but crickets chirping afterward).

Instead of going on and on about women’s limited testosterone levels, how toning isn’t a real term (one of my biggest pet peeves fitness professional do), or how they’ll never attain the results of elite female bodybuilders, yada yada yada…I dig deeper, and ask more questions:

  • “Why do you feel strength training will make you big and bulky?”
  • What does bulky mean to you? What does it look like?
  • “Is this something that happened in the past?
  • “What exercise(s) in particular do you feel cause this?”

Maybe their perspective projects that of a trainer they worked with previously. Maybe they never took the time to learn nor where they shown proper technique. Or, I don’t know, maybe they have a hard time letting go of certain myths and think the Abominable Snowman exists.

Either way…

Sometimes it’s more helpful to take some time to peel back the onion and to ascertain someone’s root cause for thinking they way they do, rather than chastise them out of the gate for the sole purpose of proving them wrong.

I have found that this approach has been a far more efficacious way of handling things and has helped me build far more powerful and lasting relationships with my female clients.

And not for nothing: After a few weeks of consistency I find the switch flips anyway. Once the foreignness and stigma of the barbell is no longer a part of the story – and we begin to build & increase autonomy and competency – I find most of my female clients begin to strive to be more (adding muscle is cool!) rather than wanting to be less.

Categoriesbusiness

Get Rid of Money Stress For Good

Fitness professionals are notorious for myriad of things:

  • Wearing sweatpants to work everyday. It’s definitely one of the perks of the job.
  • Always forgetting about the protein shake shaker in their gym bag (or in their car) that invariably, three weeks later, ends up melting someone’s face off once it’s opened.
  • Their affinity for smedium t-shirts.
  • Never talking about financial literacy (I.e., planning for retirement, investing, and/or general business savviness).

The latter is just something we never discuss and is our version of an unspoken rule; kinda like talking to a pitcher during a no-hitter.

My friend and colleague, Billy Hofacker, is back with another fantastic post geared toward helping fitness professionals better wrap their brains around money. This time around, specifically, centered around the stress of seemingly never having any.

What’s more, he even includes a special (and FREE) “master class” video for my readers that I feel everyone should check out.

Enjoy!

Copyright: ilixe48

Get Rid of Money Stress For Good

Note From Author: Since finance can be an overwhelming topic, I also recorded a video diving deeper and providing more support with these topics.

You can access the video HERE.

I remember starting out in business. I was fortunate enough to have a free session with a guy named John, a CFO of a huge company. I’m talking about a company that was doing hundreds of million in revenue. 

You see, I have my own personal journey with money that included being suffocated by 130K in non-mortgage debt and working my way out. 

Now I was going to use some of the principles I was learning from my personal journey and apply them to business. 

Needless to say I was excited for my free session. I remember standing behind him as he was showing me how a business budget worked. He would mention “budgeting” certain amounts for certain categories. The curious person that I am, I asked him where that money actually was. I said something like, “If I have $500 allocated towards equipment, where does that money actually go? It seems to me like it’s just sitting in the account like all the other money. What’s to stop it from being spent?”

His response didn’t make sense to me.

He said, “You just know.”

via GIPHY

One of the most common reasons Fit Pros hire me as their financial coach is because they want a plan for their money.

Not having a plan is painful.

It results in a lack of confidence and results. Many people think that businesses fail due to a lack of profit but are surprised to learn that in fact, 82% of businesses fail because they lack an understanding of cash flow. 

The good news is that there is hope. A solid cash flow system can do a lot for your business. Clients who have developed a system report that:

  • Decisions Become Much Easier – They know when and how much to invest in marketing, hiring, and marketing
  • The Path Becomes Clear – They are able to focus like a laser as they know what the next step towards their goal is
  • Confidence Increases – Sure, Fit Pros want to do better financially. They want to earn more but what’s perhaps more important is the person they become in the process

There are a few common mistakes or myths when it comes to cash flow plans.

I will relate all three to fitness. 

The First Mistake: People Don’t Stick With It Long Enough

Just like some fitness clients, if they aren’t completely transformed after a couple of months, they throw in the towel.

Young woman making pilates and functional training at the gym

Just like fitness, financial improvement takes time. You don’t erase 20 years of poor financial habits in five minutes with a spreadsheet. This boils down to behavior change which we know takes time.

The work precedes the results.

The Second Mistake: Thinking There Is a One Size Fits All Program

Should everyone become a competitive endurance athlete? Not necessarily. Some people have other interests within fitness and/or aren’t suited for it. Some trainers (e.g. the kettlebell guy or gal) make the mistake of forcing the program they like on the client when the modality might not be most effective for the client.

They neglect the concept of bio-individuality. 

Some financial coaches do the same thing while they would be better off working with the client to develop the best plan for them.

While certain principles may apply, the exact how-to’s may differ from person to person. 

The Final Mistake: Thinking That the Cash Flow System Will Be Boring Or Restricting

Author and leadership consultant Jocko Willink says that discipline equals freedom. When you are disciplined with your fitness or your finances, the result is more freedom, not less. If you aren’t fit, you’ll have less options in what you can do physically.

If you aren’t financially fit, you will also be restricted in what you can do. 

Click HERE To Get Access to the full video training.

The Problem

One of the reasons it’s hard for people to create and stay on a financial plan is the chaotic nature of how money comes in and goes out. 

Cash sticking out of a red piggy bank

Depending on your situation, you may:

  • Not pay yourself at all
  • Not pay yourself consistently
  • Be on salary
  • Pay yourself monthly 
  • Pay yourself bi-weekly
  • Pay yourself bonuses 
  • Have a side hustle
  • Have recurring revenue
  • Have various programs

There are so many situations people find themselves in and that’s just the income. 

Let’s talk about expenses.

You most likely have automatic monthly expenses. These would occur the same day every month and for the same amount. A prime example would be your rent or mortgage.

You most likely have daily expenses. These are things like food, coffee, toiletries, etc.1

We all have random expenses. These are the ones that really throw people off. An example is that car insurance payment that’s due every six months. You can have a plan for everything else but if you don’t have a plan for these, your budget could be busted. 

checking a receipt by analyzing the numbers, expenses and profits

The good news is that we have a plan to account for all of these and then some. While it’s beyond the scope of this post to cover every detail, I’ll provide an overview as well as a next step. 

Of course, I’m a huge proponent of “paying yourself first” so if you’re not doing that, I’d make that a priority. 

Now let’s cover a plan for the three types of expenses I mentioned.

Check out my video HERE where I explain everything.

Monthly Automatic – These are probably the easiest since you know the dates and amounts. You would just coordinate the dates they are due with when your income comes in.

These are automatically paid from your main checking account. 

Daily – Call me old school but I like to use cash for daily expenses. If I can’t use cash, I’ll set up a separate debit account at my main bank so I can at least keep things separate. I recommend people do the same for daily expenses, at least for a period of time so they can really see what’s going on. 

Random – As I mentioned, these are the ones that throw people off the most. For that reason, it’s essential to have a plan for these infrequent expenses. You’ll want to open up a bank account at a separate bank (an online account is perfect) and save the breakdown that you will need each month. For example, if you’ll need $1200 to buy Christmas gifts, set up an auto transfer for $100 each month to that account. 

In a Nutshell

That’s the simple plan you can follow to get rid of money stress for good. I realize this can be overwhelming if it’s new to you and that you also may have unique circumstances. 

For that reason, I recorded an exclusive video for TG’s list (i.e. YOU) which dives more into the details and should help more with the how.

Of course, I’m available if you have any questions. 

Watch the full video HERE 

About the Author

Many fitness professionals get stuck in the day to day and have little to show for their hard work. Billy Hofacker helps them get on a plan to achieve financial freedom. You can learn more by listening to the Your Fitness Money Coach podcast or visiting www.yourfitnessmoneycoach.com.

You can also opt in to get a digital copy of his book Fitness Profits HERE.

Categoriespersonal training Program Design

Why Attempting to Set PRs Every Week is F&*#!@# Stupid

Attempting to set a PR every single week is silly.

It’s an approach to training I have long advocated against (and a hill I will die on). Well, that and saying Sydney Bristow is the best character in television history…;o)1

Training to get stronger isn’t necessarily about hitting PR’s on the regular. In fact, if you break down the training programs that most really strong people follow, they’re only hitting an actual PR once, maybe twice per year. And that’s even a stretch.

Today’s guest post by personal trainer Lance Goyke (whom I first met back in the day when he was an intern turned employee at IFAST in Indianapolis) helps to shed light on why chasing weekly PRs likely isn’t going to do you any favors.

Copyright: ufabizphoto

Why Attempting to Set PRs Every Week is F&*#!@# Stupid

“PRs never look pretty.”

Well they could look pretty good, but most people don’t have the discipline for that kind of training.

If you’re the type of person who often has two weeks of awesome training followed by two weeks of remedial rehab, then it’s likely you spend too much time testing strength instead of building strength.

In this article, we’ll talk about strength, how it’s not quite what we think it is, and how striving for strength prevents you from actually building strength. I’ll give you a few examples of how biomechanics can change during max effort lifts, hopefully leaving you with a new, healthier, and more effective way to approach your training.

What is Strength? How Do We Measure It?

Strength is “the capacity of an object or substance to withstand great force or pressure”.

We measure it using the weight we lift in a training session, but that’s only an approximation of force production. And there are two types of forces: internal and external.

Internal forces sum to become an external force. Using deadlifting as an example, the calves, quads, hamstrings, glutes, and back muscles (internal forces) all combine into pressure through the feet (external force).

Internal forces combine into a single external force during deadlift

We mostly picture muscles and tendons producing forces, but the joints and ligaments do as well. Though bones and ligaments don’t shorten like muscles, they also don’t collapse under heavy loads.

Err, well, hopefully they don’t collapse. “Bend and not break” as they say!

I find it helpful to think of these bones and ligaments as really good isometric contracters, i.e., they maintain length even under load. It reminds me of hitching a deadlift or putting an Atlas stone in your lap. They won’t pick up the weight for you, but it sure is nice to have a short break in the middle of the rep.

Since muscle is the only thing we have that changes length and can actually move a weight, we should aim for more muscle force production.

But setting PRs isn’t about training muscles, it’s about lifting weight. And this has consequences.

Anatomy of a Personal Record

When attempting a (literal) max effort lift, there are two main factors that decide the outcome:

  • Mindset
  • Biomechanics

The strongest people in the gym are good at mindset: I will get this done at any cost. If you don’t think you can lift it, your brain puts the brakes on your muscles. You don’t have to be totally insane, but you do need to believe that it’s in the realm of possibility.

Biomechanics is harder to predict.

Even isolation exercises like lateral raises hardly occur in isolation. The intricate web of neurology means that moving one joint moves all the others.

During a PR attempt, your brain gives commands and listens for feedback. You might go into a bench press with the intention of keeping your shoulders set down, but when the weight slows to a near stop, your brains says, “BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES! SHRUG THE SHOULDERS! LIFT THE BUM!” And before you know it, you’re doing an Unsupported Decline Press from Shrug Position instead of a Bench Press.

We’ve all seen someone do this, but why does it happen?

Technique Changes During PR Attempts to Temporarily Increase Force Production

If the pecs, deltoids, lats, serratus anterior, and triceps can’t stabilize AND press the weight, a useful strategy is to shrug the shoulders, jamming the shoulder into the acromion process while stabilizing the rib cage and clavicle with the neck muscles. This not only removes stress from the primary muscle groups of the lift, but also subtly changes the length of these working muscles. If the pecs are getting weaker because they’re getting shorter, let’s just elevate the clavicle to lengthen them and our force production capability will return.

But this comes at a cost. The shoulder joint wears out, rotator cuff gets injured, and the neck stiffens. All for a temporary increase in weight lifted.

And it’s difficult to argue that you’re even getting stronger! Yes, you might lift more weight, but most of that came from passive tissues instead of muscle. Even if you don’t get injured, are you planning on training your glenoid labrum to lift more weight next time? I hope not.

This type of technique change works for testing the max weight you can lift, but it’s not building strength.

Learning Technique Consistency

When a lifter tests strength by compromising biomechanics every week, she never learns how to maintain technique under duress.

Undesired Response to Increased Intensiveness

With time and extreme discipline, however, technique stays pristine even in the most difficult sets:

Desired Response to Increased Intensiveness

Many moons ago, I was having trouble staying consistent with training. I wanted to lift, but I had this two-week cycle of feeling good vs. joint pain. I stayed “broken” until I became strict about periodizing my training intensity and maintaining technique during really heavy sets.

If your training oscillates between wonderful sessions and remedial sessions, learn to be more consistent with technique across all sets and remember to deload your training monthly.

Examples of How Technique Changes During Max Effort Attempts

To cement this idea as a reality, here are three more examples of how changes in technique can prevent you from building strength. These will increase in complexity as we go along.

Deadlifting with Hitching Into Lockout

There are three main ways to lock out a deadlift:

  • Squeeze glutes (good)
  • Squeeze the low back (bad)
  • Hitching (you do what you gotta do)

Using the glutes keeps the spine neutral. Using the low back muscles arches the lumbar spine, introducing tons of wear and tear.

Hitching a deadlift is when the lifter briefly rests the bar on the thighs while trying to lock out.

Here’s a timestamped video showing a clear hitch, though it’s difficult to nit pick when the weight is 937lbs (@ 6:12).

 

This has many advantages for lifting more weight:

  • Short “rest”
  • Squat knees underneath the weight for support
  • Shorten moment arm on glutes
  • Increase moment arm on quads

If you hitch to lock out your deadlift, you’re deloading the glutes and hamstrings.

Squatting with Forward Weight Shift

Shifting forward at the bottom of a full squat is a common compensation for squatting more weight. You see it a lot with Olympic weightlifting due to the mobility demands of the sport.

Here’s a timestamped video example (@ 2:58).

 

This does a few things to help the lifter:

  • Stretches the quads and calves, stimulating a strong reflex which helps straighten the knee
  • Short break time with the butt and hamstrings resting on the calves and ankles
  • Removes stress from the glutes and hamstrings
  • Helps maintain a vertical torso

The biggest long-term issues with this forward weight shift are that the lifter is more likely to experience knee overuse injuries, hip mobility limitations like butt wink, and inconsistent performance. The latter is an especially important topic in technique-intense Olympic weightlifting: if you only get six attempts at a meet, you don’t want to miss one because of technique.

Additionally, quad overuse often makes people feel persistent tightness. They search for quad stretches, perform some, then feel better for a few minutes until the tightness returns.

You can still get the stretch reflex benefit out of the bottom of the lift even when avoiding a forward shift. Sitting down and slightly backward to full depth stretches the quads and calves, but also increases the stretch on the glutes and hamstrings. This is one reason why posterior chain exercises like the Romanian deadlift and good mornings can improve your squat.

Bench Press with Torso Twist

Alright, I wanted to throw in one complicated scenario: twisting the torso on a bench press.

Up until now, all of our compensations have been pretty symmetrical. But there’s asymmetry in the real world. Time to take off the training wheels.

When attempting a max effort bench press, the sternum will often move to the right. This changes a few things:

  • The right abs go into overdrive
  • The left ribs and elbow flare out
  • The left shoulder rises up due to this rib position
  • The bar tilts and twists, loading the right side even more
  • The lifter makes a face that’s not usually very cool (obviously most important)
Here’s a timestamped video showing the right sternum twist (@ 1:29); you can see it on rep 7, hard to not see on rep 8, and impossible to ignore on the 9th, failed rep.

 

Here’s a timestamped video showing the left elbow flare and bar twisting (@ 1:59).

 

And here’s a timestamped video showing both; the sternum start noticebly twisting on rep 15 (@ 3:29) and it’s really easy to see the left elbow flare on the failed rep.

 

And briefly, notice that it’s harder to nitpick mistakes in this 675lb bench press (timestamped @ 5:00).

 

We contort ourselves this way because of the normal asymmetry in the body. The heart on the left supports the left rib cage flaring. The big liver on the right supports the right abdominals. And because everything is connected, these asymmetries permeate all the way through our limbs.

This is a tough compensation to fix. You might consider warming up with some dedicated shoulder mobility exercises. Utilize more unilateral training like the split squat. If this problem is unfamiliar, you might find it useful to slow down as this gives you time to notice when mistakes happen (it’s usually around the sticking point). As you get more proficient, you can speed up.

In any case, you’ll need to be disciplined about your technique when you’re exhausted.

Building Strength vs. Testing Strength

Hopefully by now you have a better idea of how your body might compensate during a max effort lift. Remember: it’s okay to try hard! The point is that technique must remain pristine if it’s to be considered training.

Save the strange body conformations for your personal record attempts. And give yourself time to train between testing sessions.

I like to push my clients hard on week 4 of a 4-week training program. This gives 3 weeks to practice technique and acclimate to the training volume, preparing well for testing your body and mind.

Perfect technique does not mean the lift is light and easy. In fact, it should be harder to do because the muscles are reaching their limit and your brain must override your body’s instincts. This is real discipline.

I’ll leave you with a bulleted list of tips.

Guidelines for Building Strength

  • Test strength at most one out of every four weeks
  • “Testing strength” does not mean a single rep maximum, but a max effort for the pre-planned training program set and rep scheme
  • Train like a bodybuilder; aim to feel the right muscles working
  • Using less weight doesn’t mean you’re detraining; strength can fluctuate up to 18% in any given day
  • Don’t forget to deload your training roughly one out of every four weeks
  • Don’t forget to train endurance
  • Use cardio to speed up your recovery from strength workouts

And remember: spend more time building strength than testing strength.

About the Author

Lance Goyke, MS, CSCS has been a personal trainer and strength coach for over ten years. He’s currently working remotely with clients all over the world, including at Google, America, Scotland, and New Zealand. In addition to coaching, he also produces educational fitness writing, videos

Categoriespersonal training psychology

The Words We Use Matter

NOTE: In six weeks I will be in Dublin, Ireland with my wife, Dr. Lisa Lewis, to present our Strong Body, Strong Mind Workshop.

In an effort to give insight and to help highlight some of the content we will be covering I figured today I’d re-publish an old(er) post from a few years go.

Much of what stresses us out as fitness professionals and gym owners is the psychological side of things as it relates to our clients:

  • Why won’t so and so listen to what I am saying?
  • If they just simply followed the plan as outlined things would be fine.
  • If I hear one more client bring up the Carnivore Diet I am going to jump through this pane glass window.

Nevertheless, motivation and long-term success in the gym often begins with possessing the soft skills necessary to communicate more effectively and efficiently.

As a reminder: I will be in Dublin on July 24th – HERE, in additional to Belfast, Northern Ireland, the weekend of July 30th – HERE.

I hope to see you there!

A few weeks ago, while in LA presenting, I was asked a simple question by one of the attendees:

“What’s the one thing you’ve adopted or changed the most as a coach in the past 2-3 years?“

A simple inquiry to be sure. However, it required a bit of heft to answer.

I mean it’s not like they asked my thoughts on Linear Periodization1, kipping pull-ups2, or, I don’t know, the atomic mass of Manganese,3all of which can be answered with witty footnotes.

My response was likely a bit of a curveball.

While I could have easily gone into the nuances of assessment, program design, and the importance of positional breathing and what philosophical pivots I’ve made on each in recent years – or waxed poetic on why “textbook technique” doesn’t exist – I didn’t choose to.

Instead, I brought up the “words” we use as coaches.

Copyright: alphaspirit / 123RF Stock Photo

Words Matter

Let’s start with an inane example.

A word.

A word we use all the time in the fitness industry and one that serves as a cornerstone for what we do as a profession:

Assessment

For us (coaches, personal trainers, physical therapists, athletic trainers) the word infers or implies a start. We use an amalgamation of our expertise in anatomy, program design, bodily movement, and exercise technique/prescription (amongst other thing) and apply all of it to best fit the needs, goals, and ability level of the person sitting in front of us.

In other words: We attempt to find the most efficient, safe, and straightest line possible between Point B (where the client wants to go/goals) and Point A (where they are presently).

Alternatively, for them (clients/athletes/pirates), the word “assessment” can mean a plethora of things:

  • An evaluation
  • A screen
  • A test

Above all, though, I think most people feel an assessment is nothing more than 45-60 minutes of a complete stranger judging the shit out of them:

  • Your shoulders are internally rotated and rounded.
  • You have anterior pelvic tilt.
  • Your core is weak.
  • Your glutes don’t fire.
  • Your left eye is lower than your right. That’s weird.

In short: It’s a window of time where some douchy trainer takes every opportunity possible to showcase how much of a walking ball of fail someone is.

via GIPHY

I’ve personally taken steps to try to omit the word “assessment” from my vocabulary. I just feel the connotation breeds a negative tone out of the gate and is something I’d rather avoid.

Instead, I’ve opted to using terms such as “success session,” “meet and greet,” or “diesel deadlift house of fantastical dreams power hour.”

It just feels less judgy, doesn’t it?

The Power of ‘Of Coursing’

I have many friends in the fitness industry and it’s not uncommon for us to commiserate with one another about asinine things we read on the internet or maybe share a frustrating story regarding a client.

Here’s a recent back and forth I had with a friend:

“I have to share this with you…

Yesterday a lady who was given a gift certificate to take my women’s strength training class approached me after class to tell me she would have to take a month or two off from my class so she could “get some of this weight off…”

While I tried to control the stream coming out of my ears I said to her…

Well that’s kinda counterintuitive

She says:

I’m gonna start taking spin again! It really helped me lose weight…

Me: still trying to control the rage monster…

Well, have you done anything to change your eating over the last month? No. When you were taking spin, what did your diet look like? Well, I was tracking my calories and writing everything down that I ate.

So, you think the spinning helped you lose the weight?

Crickets

I burned 800 calories in spinning…. And I forgot to mention she sleeps horribly due to triplets (age 4 😳🙄) and she’s a DIETICIAN!

So I went on to explain what I thought she needed to do and how three days of spinning would be equivalent to pouring gasoline on the hormonal shit storm her body currently lies in…

Just ugh…”

Admittedly, after reading his description of events, I too had to resist the urge to jump in front of a bus. Why are people so adamant on repeating the same thing(s) over and over and over again to the tune of the same inconsistent results?

Not-to0-long ago Tony would have handled things the same way my friend did.

Present day Tony had this to say:

“Next time something like that happens do this:

Say, Of course.

Of course, you’d want to go back to spin class again. You enjoy it and it seemingly helped you lose weight. And, of course you want to go back to the same classes as before because they’re familiar and comfortable and not so intimidating.

However I do feel there’s a more efficient way for you to attain your goal(s) and to MAKE THEM STICK.

Give me 60 days. Let me take the reigns for 60 days. Do what I say, learn, try something different. If you don’t feel better after 60 days and feel as if you haven’t made progress, I’ll buy your next spin package.”

This is a tactic I stole from my wife few years ago and is a keen example of the plethora of tactics she covers during her block in the Strong Body, Strong Mind Workshop.

Instead of berating or guilting a fat-loss client who ate a bowl of Golden Grahams before bed – “you’re weak,” or “I guess you don’t want it bad enough,” or “I’m not mad, just disappointed” –  I’d opt to “of course” him or her to death.

“Of course you want to eat Golden Grahams before bed. They’re fucking delicious. However, let’s see if we can come up with some healthier alternatives together that may be a better fit for your goals.”

Or what about the client who misses a few workouts?

“Of course you’d rather go to a Norah Jones concert rather than come to the gym to deadlift. She’s a delight and a national treasure. I have all her albums myself. That being said, no matter how many times you listen to “Don’t Know Why” it’s not going to help you hit your goal. Let’s see what we can do to prioritize your sessions more?”

Or what about the client who wants to give keto a try?

“Of course you want to try the ketogenic diet. It’s all the rage right now and everyone is doing it. If it’s sustainable and matches your lifestyle I see no reason why you shouldn’t give it a go. However, if after two weeks of not having carbs your response to your office mate saying “hey, good morning,” is to stab them in the throat with a stapler, we’ll likely need to have a talk.”

By leaning in and recognizing why someone would choose to do what they do – and not being an uppity curmudgeon about it (and more importantly…offering a solution or alternative) – you open up the doors for change to actually happen.

Try it.

I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at the results.