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Actually worse. I don’t even know how to describe that throw. Oh wait, yes I do. Wait for it. Wait for it. Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. To think that all these years I have worshiped you and you can’t even throw a baseball more than five feet! I’m so embarrassed. *Tears down Mariah Carey poster from 1995 off bedroom wall* You’re dead to me Mariah. You hear me? DEAD!

And what’s up with those mascots? Jesus. If I were a kid and one of those mascots approached me, I’d probably destroy the back of my pants.

And because I want you to come away with something useful today, here’s a bit of inspiration. This is a picture that was featured on ESPN this morning of eight year old Adam Bender, a Little League catcher with one leg.

Adam lost his left leg to cancer when he was one and while he tried a prosthesis, he didn’t like it, and he refuses to use a wheelchair.

Adam is just another kid playing ball, which is exactly how his parents want it. From Kentucky.com:

“I was a little hesitant when we first brought him up here for baseball,” Michelle said. “I thought his spirit might be crushed if he got out every time. Then I thought, who am I to micromanage his feelings? He’s going to have to learn how to deal with this stuff. The more I shelter him, the more he’ll think, ‘I’m fragile.’ I don’t think I’ll ever tell him he can’t do something.”

Note to all parents: think of the above quote the next time you feel the need to call the school to ban dodgeball because little Danny’s feelings get hurt.

In addition to playing catcher for his Little League team, Adam also plays soccer (on crutches), is the quarterback for his YMCA flag football team (no crutches while the team utilizes the shotgun snap), and participates in many other sports that any normal eight year old plays. The kid is my new hero.

So the next time you feel “too tired” to go to the gym or you have a headache and can’t fathom getting off the couch to train, think of Adam.

After watching that video you’re probably thinking one of two things:

1. That’s an awesome Captain America t-shirt that Tony is wearing.

2. What in the holy hell is he doing listening to John Mayer while he trains?

First off, you don’t have to tell me how awesome my t-shirt is. Captain America speaks for himself. He reeks of awesomeness.

Matter of fact, I like to think that my life resembles that of Captain America. Except for the whole, “unable to become intoxicated by alcohol” part. Captain America (AKA: Steve Rogers) could not be deterred by the evil of alcohol. Myself on the other hand, have one sip and I’m making out with the next door neighbor’s toaster oven.

Don’t even get me started with what happened the last time I had a wine cooler. Me+wine cooler+the dance floor+the robot+the wife to the CEO of my girlfriend’s company= I’m permanently banned from the yearly Christmas party.

As far as John Mayer is concerned, lets just say that from time-to-time I like to listen to music that will make me want to punch someone’s face to the back of their skull while simultaneously making my ears bleed.

I find that it helps me direct my “rage” to accomplish the task at hand. In this case it was flipping a 500 lb mat four times, walking 60 yds with 140 lbs in each hand, pulling 180 lbs with a rope (harder than it looks off of rubber matting), and then finishing off with overhead keg walks for 30+ yards.

Who knew the words “one pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue” could piss me off so much?

I didn’t have anything in particular I wanted to write about today, however I did want to mention that I’m heading out to Providence shortly for the Perform Better 3-Day Functional Training Summit.

If you’re a fitness professional and have yet to attend a Perform Better seminar, you’re doing yourself a major disservice. Today alone I’ll have an opportunity to listen to the likes of Mike Boyle, Alwyn Cosgrove, Rachel Cosgrove, John Berardi, Martin Rooney, and Thomas Plummer, otherwise known as the godfather of learning how to make money in this business. SPOILER ALERT: apparently it helps to wear your pants when training clients. Dammit! I knew I was doing something wrong.

Nevertheless, today should be pretty fun. I get a chance to touch base with some friends and do a little networking. Matter of fact, I’m meeting up with my good friend Cassandra Forsythe, co-author of The New Rules of Lifting for Women and we’re going to make our rounds today. I’m sure I’ll have lots of new blog content to write about next week and maybe an article or two as well down the road.

And speaking of next week, I have a blog post ready to go that will feature me doing something that you probably never thought possible. I just hit you with a preview bitches.

I was going to discuss the finer points of glycolysis today, and how in cells that lack mitochondria, such as the erythrocyte, the pathway of glycolysis is the sole provider of ATP by the mechanism of substrate-level phosphorylation of ADP. But no one is paying attention to the words I’m writing because OH MY GOD DAVID COOK WON AMERICAN IDOL LAST NIGHT! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!***

Here’s hoping that the country can finally get back to normal and pay more attention to the issues that really matter. You know, like inflating gas prices, health care reform, rising cost of food, and OH MY GOD THE NEW INDIANA JONES MOVIE OPENS TODAY!!11!! War? In Iraq? Huh? TANKS! THIS MOVIE HAS TANKS!

***Know what else I can’t believe? After watching Carrie Underwood perform on last night’s season finale, I can’t believe that she has never made my top ten list of celebrities to stalk.

Congrats Carrie! Your first hand written letter made out of glitter paint and my own blood should be in the mail later today. Toodles!

Since last September, I have been training the “kids.” Will, Nick, and Connor (ages 9-11) are all close friends who come to Cressey Performance every Saturday morning at 10 AM. To say that it’s one of the more entertaining hours of the week is an understatement.

I know what many of you might be thinking: “won’t having children that young lift weights stunt their growth?” Many parents are still under the assumption that weight training prematurely closes the epiphyseal growth plates in children; forever stunting their growth. It’s gotten to the point where putting a barbell on a child’s back and having them do a few simple squats is apparently more dangerous than having them pet a grizzly bear with a raw steak tied around their chest.

This popular fallacy is NOT supported by research or clinical findings. In his book Facts and Fallacies of Fitness, renowned exercise physiologist and biomechanist Mel Siff notes that force plate analysis shows that even fairly heavy squats (exceeding bodymass) do not impose as great a load on the body as fairly casual running or jumping, which can impose joint loading which is greater than SIX TIMES bodyweight! Thus, if resistance training is to be eliminated to promote growth plate safety, then all children must be forbidden to run and jump.

It’s a gross error to say that resistance training is “bad” or dangerous for adolescents. Strength and Conditioning coach Mike Boyle has even gone as far to say that activities such as gymnastics and ice skating (which many parents have their children do on a regular basis) is just an organized form of child abuse.

Both put a ton more stress on the joints compared to resistance training. In the end, carefully controlled progressive resistance training can actually improve muscle and bone strength significantly in children and help to develop gross motor learning skills that they would otherwise lack because many spend way too much time playing video games.

Just to give you an idea of what types of things I have these kids do, here’s what we did last weekend:

1. Kids arrive and Nick shows off his bruise that he got during a recent baseball game. Total awesomeness.

2. Kids are taken through their typical warm-up, which includes simple dynamic movement and activation drills. We also take this time to totally talk about the last episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. That Shredder is such a cotton-headed ninny muggins.

3. Ten minutes of sprint technique/drills. Nothing fancy: high knee skips, reverse skips, and simple coaching cues to help improve their running mechanics.

4. Dedicated strength training. When we first started, this entailed nothing more than body-weight circuits where they worked on movement patterns (squat, deadlift, various lunges, push-ups, etc). Now we spend more time working on main lifts and then add in some accessory work as well.

5. The fun stuff. I might have them push the sled (with each other on it), play tug-o-war (I’m totally still undefeated), perform med ball circuits, run football routes, etc. Last weekend, I had them push my car in the parking lot.

Your eyes are not fooling you. That’s a vintage Hyundai Elantra. See ladies, not only do I spend my spare time nursing kittens back to health, I also drive a car that’s environmentally friendly. 32 MPG’s has never been so sexy!

Yankees vs. RedSox

Republicans vs. Democrats

Autobots vs. Decepticons

What do all of the above examples have in common? As you might have guessed, all are seemingly sworn enemies. While there’s no doubting the animosity between the first three examples; there are times where I want to add another “couple” to the mix. Strength coach vs. endurance athlete.

I mean lets be honest, trying to get an endurance athletes to lift weights is like trying to get me to watch American Idol. Not gonna happen.**

It still amazes me that there are a plethora of endurance athletes out there who feel that strength training has no place in their programming. Despite research (and real world evidence) which states otherwise, many endurance athletes are still missing the boat and failing to realize the full benefits of spending more time in the squat rack and just a liiiiiittle less time in their running shoes.

In a new study published by Medicine and Science in Sports and Exercise, researches investigated the effect of maximal strength training on running economy (RE) at 70% of maximal oxygen consumption (V O2max) and time to exhaustion at maximal aerobic speed (MAS).

Seventeen well-trained (nine male and eight female) runners were randomly assigned into either an intervention or a control group. The intervention group (four males and four females) performed half-squats, four sets of four repetitions maximum, three times per week for 8 wk, as a supplement to their normal endurance training. The control group continued their normal endurance training during the same period.

Results: The intervention group had vast improvements in their one repetition maximum in the half squat (33.2%), rate of force development (26%), running economy (5%), and time to exhaustion at maximal aerobic speed (21.3%). The control group saw no changes between pre and post training parameters.

For those who aren’t familiar with fancy words like VO2 max or rate of force development, fear not! As luck would have it, I submitted my own study which takes the above study and simplifies everything — aptly titled, “HA! I told you so.” Published in the Journal of Pink Dumbbells Aren’t Gonna Cut It. (18) 537-45. I even used construction paper and a He-Man stamp. You know, to make it look all “science-y.”

So what do all these results mean?

1. For starters, I have no clue why the researches chose to test the half squat. Shrugs.

2. The intervention group all had increases in strength, without adding any mass (body-weight). This is an important distinction and something that endurance athletes need to hear. Getting stronger, doesn’t necessarily mean getting bigger. Furthermore, outside of the obvious (improved performance), increasing strength also has an often overlooked side benefit. As muscles (active restraints) get stronger, it’s less perceived stress by the passive restraints (bone, ligaments, etc). This goes a long ways as far as keeping you healthy and preventing all of those nagging injuries in the first place.

3. Improvements in force development will undoubtedly equate to improvement in performance. The more force an athlete can generate into the ground, the more force said athlete will generate to propel him/her forward. To do this, one needs to lift heavy stuff. Last time I checked, the objective of a race is to see who can finish the fastest, not who can go the longest.

4. As the study noted, the intervention group improved their running economy by 5%. To put this into perspective, that’s roughly twelve minutes shaved off of a four hour marathon; all of this without having to log more mileage on the road.

And while many endurance athletes will complain that they just don’t have the time to participate in any strength training, I like to counteract that statement by pointing to Cressey Performance client Dede Griesbauer.

As an elite tri-athlete (2nd at Ironman Brazil, 7th in the 2007 World Championships), Dede trains an average of 10-13 times per week. Yet, she still makes it a point to get her butt into the gym twice per week. In her words, “Strength training has clearly improved my power on the bike. It has also been beneficial in terms of injury prevention. Finally, I feel that my strength training better enables me to handle the volumes required for my Ironman triathlon training.”

**except for every god damn day!