Categoriespsychology

Be Like Water: The Importance of Being Flexible Without Losing Sight of Your Goal or Your Identity

I had every intention of starting off the new year with some witty, yet informative prose. One my goals for 2019 is to get back on track with more consistent writing.

Lets do this….

As it happens, my kid got Hand, Foot, & Mouth last week and of course, promptly passed it on to me. I got hammered with a fever over the weekend, and currently my feet feel like I’m walking over hot coals and my hands look like they had sex with a cucumber.

I mean, they’re not green or anything (that would be weird), but they do have bumps all over them which is super attractive.

Nonetheless, sick kid + sick Dad = not in the mood to write about undulated periodization, scapular humeral rhythm, or, I don’t know, favorite crayon colors.

Huge thanks to TG.com regular contributor, Dr. Nicholas Licameli, for pinch writing for me today.

Copyright: somchaij / 123RF Stock Photo

Be Like Water

I admire water.

It’s truly an amazing substance for many reasons. It can heal, it can hurt. It can clean, it can contaminate. It can cause frostbite, it can cause a burn. It can flood your basement or it can fill the family swimming pool. It can bring life and it can take life…

What I admire most about water is its ability to change without losing or compromising its true identity. Water can change shape, size, temperature, and even alter its own state of matter, depending on the environment it finds itself in at a particular time.

It is able to change without compromising what it is at its core: water.

“Don’t get set into one form, adapt it and build your own, and let it grow, be like water. Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water. Now you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup; You put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle; You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.” – Bruce Lee

One may say that water is “flexible.”

The famous Bruce Lee quote above speaks to the importance of being like water and having the ability to conform to whatever container we find ourselves in at a particular moment in time. I’m no martial arts expert by any stretch of the imagination, but this is how Bruce Lee went about his training, fighting, and life.

He was fluid, shapeless, adaptable…he was like water.

It is important to understand that this does not mean we should change who we are depending on the external environment or the group of people we happen to be with.

NEVER BE SOMEONE YOU’RE NOT, JUST TO “FIT IN!”

Stay true to who you are at your core, but be flexible and adaptable. If water is poured into a Gatorade bottle, it does not change itself into Gatorade and try to be something that it’s not. No, not water. Water manages to conform to the unique curves of the bottle, while staying true to itself and remaining, well, water!

Fitness and nutrition often times involve overcoming adversity in order to stick to a plan or routine.

Those plans are often challenged by things like unexpected overtime coverage at work, a sudden leak in the basement, a family illness, a surprise snowstorm that hits and requires shoveling, holidays, the gym opens four hours late because the 17 year old juice bar barista is hungover and overslept…the list goes on.

Are these things going to cause you stress? Or, do you find a way to be fluid and work around them? It is at these times that we need to be like water.

via GIPHY

Here’s an example.

You go to the gym with the following plan in your mind: Start with the barbell bench press (must be Monday, Bro), followed by the barbell squat, then some cable curls, and finish up with abs and cardio.

You enter the gym, Eye of The Tiger and Linkin Park blasting through your headphones, ready to raise some hell when all of a sudden…the bench is taken by a group of high school kids taking selfies, someone is curling in the squat rack, and the cable station is taken by that old guy who walks around the locker room completely naked (my eyes can’t unsee some things…).

Now what?

The whole plan is ruined!

Is this going to derail you, kill your momentum and enthusiasm, and throw your whole workout for a loop? Or, do you conform to the container you happened to be poured into? As previously mentioned, do not change the core. Keep the goal the goal and keep the plan the plan, just adapt it.

An example of excessive flexibility and changing at the core would be completely changing the body parts trained or bailing on the entire workout. Properly adapting and being like water could involve substituting the barbell bench press for a dumbbell bench press or Smith machine squats for barbell squats, or dumbbell curls for cable curls.

via GIPHY

If you always have an apple at breakfast, but your wife ate the last one without you knowing, is your whole day going to be thrown off kilter? Or will you be able to conform to the current container you find yourself in and have something with similar macronutrients such as an orange, a pear, or some oatmeal instead?

Note From TG: Means for a divorce if you ask me.

Life isn’t perfect.

Life isn’t consistent.

Since the beginning of life on this planet, adaptability has been an evolutionary staple.

Adapt or die, as the saying goes.

Sometimes you have this plan, this perfect step-by-step plan, but the present circumstances do not allow it to be carried out as planned. In these instances, you must be like water, adapt, and work around what the world gives you. Again, that does not mean you should change the entire plan or change who you are depending on the external environment. Always keep the goal the goal, the plan the plan, and stay true to who you are. You can’t control everything so if you find yourself being poured from a perfectly symmetrical drinking glass into an abnormally shaped bottle, stay focused, roll with the punches, be fluid, be flexible, and be like water.

About the Author

Nicholas M. Licameli, PT, DPT

Doctor of Physical Therapy / Pro Natural Bodybuilder

Nick believes in giving himself to others in an attempt to make the world a happier, healthier, and more loving place. He wants to give people the power to change their lives. Bodybuilding and physical therapy just act as mediums for carrying out that cause. Love. Passion. Respect. Humility.   Never an expert. Always a student. Love your journey.

Youtube: HERE

Instagram: HERE

Facebook: HERE

Categoriesmindset Motivational Uncategorized

If You Want to Improve, You’re Going to Have to Deal With Some Shit

Today’s guest post comes from regular contributor, Justin Kompf. It’s a personal story, but a story many of you reading will either appreciate or commiserate with.

I hope the former.

Copyright: photoman / 123RF Stock Photo

 

If You Want to Improve, You’re Going to Have to Deal With Some Shit

There was once a young man who was enrolled at West Point; he found himself absolutely miserable at the academy. Luckily, at the time his mother was friends with a smart dude. This smart dude happened to be the 16th president of the United States. He wrote the cadet and said:

“Allow me to assure you it is a perfect certainty that you will, very soon, feel better-quite happy- if you only stick to the resolution you have taken to procure a military education. I am older than you, have felt badly myself, and know, what I tell you is true. Adhere to your purpose and you will soon feel as well as you ever did.

On the contrary, if you falter, and give up, you will lose the power of keeping any resolution, and will regret it all your life”

I highly doubt Abraham Lincoln would have thought those particular words he wrote to the West Point cadet would have an impact on a young man trying to figure his life out over 100 years later. How could he know that those words were exactly what I needed to hear at the time?

In the Summer of 2016, I was in a predicament; for a while, I had intended to apply to doctoral programs to study health behavior after completing my Master’s degree. But when push came to shove, I got scared. Irrational thoughts flooded my mind.

“My life won’t start until I’m done, and I’ll be 31”

“I’ll be so far behind everyone else”

“What if I find out I don’t want to teach and do research when I’m done?”

A PhD program would involve me devoting four more years of my life to school when all I really wanted to do was get my life going.

So, I panicked.

I found myself exploring different career paths.

I would drive down to a health and fitness center in Ithaca to talk about becoming a dietician. I drove to Syracuse to talk to my Aunt about nursing. I called my cousin in California to talk about her job as a physician’s assistant. I had meetings with Cortland faculty members to get information on how to get into PA school. Then I was calling friends who were physical therapist to talk about their jobs. PT sounded right for me; I started observing a physical therapist in town and began the application process to physical therapy school. These all seemed like safe, high paying jobs, with clear career trajectories.

I was all over the place.

via GIPHY

 

Every time I thought of a new career path I diverted myself from the fear of four more years of school and an uncertain career future. There was always an instant sensation of relief from that fear.

But then a few things gave me a sense of insight.

Aside from reading sage advice from historical figures I was also exercising my ass off.

One night I was trail running to clear my head. It got dark really quick and rain started to come down, an appropriate metaphor for how I felt at the time. It was hard to see any more than a few feet in front of me. But somewhere towards the end of my run I was hit with some clarity.

None of those career paths I was looking into would give me the voice I wanted to make a positive impact on the world. If I didn’t have my voice and pursued a career I wasn’t passionate about just to be safe, I would be miserable.

And rather than the temporary misery I was feeling now, I knew the misery of not pursuing my passion would be permanent.

Fear is just an emotional construct, something that can’t really hurt you. I knew I couldn’t control that I felt it, but it was my responsibility as to whether or not it controlled my actions.

I knew that if I didn’t adhere to my purpose I would regret it the rest of my life. All those other careers wouldn’t fulfill the passion I had.

Winston Churchill once said “to change is to improve, to perfect is to change often”

What he didn’t say is that change is a scary and uncomfortable process. My modern interpretation of that quote would be:

“If you want to improve, you’re going to have to deal with some shit”

When faced with the decision of what shit sandwich I wanted to eat, I knew I could either (A) take the leap and accept fear and discomfort, or (B) live with regret but have comfort, I chose to accept the fear.

I applied to PhD programs, was accepted, and am heading to the University of Massachusetts Boston in the Summer to their Exercise and Health Sciences Program.

Whether on social media, or in real life, when people announce an accomplishment, others might look on in awe and wonder how they got to where they are now.

Well, more than likely, the answer is that they dealt with some shit.

They worked hard, stepped out of their comfort zone and got comfortable feeling uncomfortable. For me it was an eight-month process of dealing with uncertainty and fear. It was also putting in years of extra work to be a good candidate for a program like this.

In the end I wrote this because, a simple, “hey I’m going back to school” Facebook update didn’t seem justifiable and I think my experience can help people. Taking a leap is scary but I am looking forward to the next chapter in my life.

Categoriesmindset Motivational psychology Uncategorized

Healthy Living Is Hard: Accept It

Today’s guest post comes courtesy of SUNY Cortland head strength coach and lecturer, Justin Kompf. And speaking of SUNY Cortland, the annual Health and Wellness Conference is this April 8th featuring myself, Dr. Lisa Lewis, Brian St. Pierre, Mark Fisher, and Dr. David Just. For more information go HERE.

It is the easiest thing in the world to sit down after work, turn on the television and eat whatever food is most convenient.

Copyright: phafanwangthaphan / 123RF Stock Photo

 

This convenience is inherently pleasurable; for most people, alternative behaviors such as exercise and cooking for 30 minutes are not. There is no immediate reward to experience from this type of behavior.

In fact, the exercise session may actually elicit what is perceived to be painful bodily experiences, especially when compared to sitting on the couch. The chicken and broccoli meal certainly isn’t going to excite your taste buds in the same way that burger, fries, and milkshake would. Thus, there is potential for painful experiences such as bodily discomfort and future soreness when a person exercises and they are also giving up the pleasure associated with unhealthy food.

Change Is Difficult

Due to the general difficulty of change, lifestyle modification to adopt healthier behaviors will certainly result in struggling with some intrinsically negative emotions. Struggling to suppress or avoid thoughts such as “I won’t eat the cookie” or “I won’t sit on the couch and watch television after work” might actually make these thoughts more accessible in the mind and ironically more likely to occur. Additionally, if you are trying to eat healthier and exercise more and happen to have a normal human mind, you will inevitably have negative self-thoughts.

“No matter how hard I work, I will never look like her”

“Exercising every day is challenging with my schedule, is it even worth it?”

“I can’t do it”

“I can’t change”

“I’ve failed at this before, why should now be any different?”

“I didn’t lose weight this week, I’m a failure”

If we are to avoid the suppression of these thoughts, which will bubble into our heads regardless of how strong our willpower is, the logical converse is acceptance. To quote Russ Harris in his book ACT made simple: An Aasy-to-Read Primer on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy:

“Acceptance means opening up and making room for painful feelings, sensations, urges, and emotions. We drop the struggle with them, give them some breathing space, and allow them to be as they are. Instead of fighting them, resisting them, running from them, or getting overwhelmed by them, we open up to them and let them be. (Note: This doesn’t mean liking them or wanting them. It simply means making room for them!)”

When these negative thoughts appear in your head ask yourself the question, “Can I work with these thoughts?”. It is not a question of whether these thoughts are true or false since this is all a matter of perspective.

For example, “I didn’t lose weight this week, I’m a failure”. Whether or not your truly are a “failure” is irrelevant. What is relevant is how this thought will guide your behavior. If you let the thought of being a failure guide your behavior will it enable you to reach your goals and help you become the kind of person you want to be?

Copyright: wollertz / 123RF Stock Photo

Acceptance and commitment based strategies may be useful in promoting physical activity. Pilot research on the topic demonstrated that after an acceptance and commitment based intervention college aged women visited the school athletic center to exercise significantly more than those in an education only condition (Butryn, et al., 2011).

Further, after a 10-week study designed to promote increased walking in sedentary individuals, Martin and colleagues found that when participants were taught skills to enable the acceptance of negative feelings and unpleasant sensations that come with physical activity there was a significant increase in cardiorespiratory fitness, estimated VO2max, and a decreased avoidance of the negative internal experiences related to physical activity (no control group for comparison).

One weight loss study showed that after a 12-week acceptance based intervention participants lost 6.6% of their body weight. More impressively, at a six month follow up participants had continued to lose weight (9.6% of body weight) (Forman, 2009).

Two of the most practical tips to practice acceptance and commitment are to identify higher order values and to examine if thoughts are workable.

Let behaviors be guided by values rather than ruminating on negative thoughts                  

Acceptance and commitment therapy is based on the understanding that people will only continue to engage in behaviors that bring about distressing internal experiences only if these experiences are occurring at the service of some higher order life goal or value.

In their 2009 Pilot study Forman and his colleagues had participants list out the top 10 reasons why they wanted to lose weight. They were then taught to recognize the connection between the values they listed and their eating and physical activity behavior (Forman, 2009). Once higher order values are identified, meaning is now attributed to daily behaviors that once lacked importance.

I believe that this connection between behaviors and values is best exemplified by Hall of Fame pitcher Tom Seaver:

“Pitching…determines what I eat, when I go to bed, what I do when I’m awake. It determines how I spend my life when I’m not pitching. If it means I have to come to Florida and can’t get tanned because I might get a burn that would keep me from throwing a few days, then I never go shirtless in the sun… If it means I have to remind myself not to pet dogs with my left hand or throw logs on the fire with my left hand, then I do that, too. If it means in the winter I eat cottage cheese instead of chocolate chip cookies in order to keep my weight down, then I eat cottage cheese.” (Duckworth)

A value system establishes that low order daily behaviors are in service of higher order long term goals. If you need more help finding strong values to strengthen your resolve for daily behaviors try asking yourself why each stated goal is important to you. For example:

Goal level 1: I want to start exercising more consistently. Why?

Goal level 2: Because I want to improve my health. Why?

Goal level 3: Because I have seen unhealthy relatives lose their independence with age and I want to be able to do all the activities I love for a long time.

Exercising consistently is thus linked to being able to maintain one’s independence throughout a lifetime.

Ask if your thoughts are workable

Whenever a negative thought or feeling comes into consciousness ask yourself if this thought is workable. Specifically, you can ask yourself the following:

“If you let this thought guide your behavior, will that help you create a richer, fuller, and more meaningful life? If you hold on to this thought tightly, does it help you to be the person you want to be and do the things you want to do?”

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If this thought is not workable, try practicing an acceptance based skill called defusion. Defusion is the process of observing thoughts and feelings from a ‘distance’ without acting on them or trying to change them. Thoughts and feelings do not need to be believed, acted on, or even suppressed. A negative emotion is not something that will be solved analytically or with scrutiny.

For example, if you are hungry because you are trying to lose weight, that hunger is an inherently negative feeling. However, this negative feeling does not necessitate harmful action such as binge eating. You also do not need to pretend as if this feeling is not currently with you, accept that it is there and recognize that you are in control of how this feeling guides behavior.

Who can use acceptance and commitment strategies in their practice?

It is important to not overstep the boundaries of professional practice. I believe it would be important to consider acceptance and commitment as a paradigm shift in a person’s thinking process. In his book, Russ Harris states that:

“I hope to make ACT accessible to the broadest possible range of professionals- from coaches, counselors, and mental health nurses, to social workers, psychologist, psychiatrist, and all health professionals”

I would recommend that anyone who is trying to change their lifestyle start with working on identifying higher order goals and linking them to their daily behavior. Furthermore, attempt to practice defusion skills if negative thoughts or emotions well up as a result of lifestyle change. Ask if these thoughts are workable for long term goals. If they aren’t, recognize that they do not need to be accepted as truth and do not need to be acted on.

Author’s Bio

Justin is the head strength coach at SUNY Cortland. He is also a lecturer in the kinesiology department at the university. Cortland hosts a health and wellness conference each year, this year on April 8th. Speakers will include Tony Gentilcore, Dr. Lisa Lewis, Brian St. Pierre, David Just and Mark Fisher. For more information go HERE.

Note From TG: The conference linked to above is $60 to attend. That’s a steal considering the quality of presenters coming in and the information that will be shared. Students: you can’t use the excuse of “that’s too expensive” because I know full-well you’re spending that much (if not more) drinking on the weekends. Fitness Pros: this is Cortland, NY, in April, for $60. Shut up and get your butt there…;o)

References

Butryn, M.L., Forman, E.M., Hoffman, K.L., Shaw, J.A., & Juarascio, A.S. (2011). A pilot study of acceptance and commitment therapy for promotion of physical activity. Journal of Physical Activity and Health, 8(4), 516-522.

Duckworth, A. Grit: The power of passion and perseverance.

Forman, E.M., Butryn, M.L., Hoffman, K.L., Herbert, J.D. (2009). An open trial of an acceptance-based behavioral intervention for weight loss. Cognitive and Behavioral Practice, 16, 223-235.
Harris, R. ACT made simple: An easy-to-read primer on acceptance and commitment therapy.

Martin E.C., Galloway-Williams, N., Cox, M.G., & Winett, R.A. (2015). Pilot testing of a mindfulness- and acceptance- based intervention for increasing cardiorespiratory fitness in sedentary adults: A feasibility study. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 4(4), 237-245.

Categoriesmindset Motivational psychology

The Powerful Perfectionist

I have a BIG treat for you. My wife, Dr. Lisa Lewis, is making a much anticipated cameo on my site today. People loooove when she chimes in and writes an article for the site. Tony Gentilwhonow?

Enjoy.

She trains. Hard. Makes progress and achieves goals. Inspires and impresses others. She balances work, finances, family, friends, food, and her fitness. The fact is: she’s amazing. But the feeling? It’s often something quite different.

Copyright: <a href='http://www.123rf.com/profile_ammentorp'>ammentorp / 123RF Stock Photo</a>
Copyright: ammentorp / 123RF Stock Photo

 

A woman wrote to me several months ago about being stuck. She explained:

“[Lifting] is hard, I put in tons of effort and I struggle to be ok with this…the fact that it doesn’t come easily to me despite all my hard work, sweat, and effort.  I struggle with feelings of disappointment and feeling like I am letting myself down and my trainer down if I do not perform to MY unrealistic expectations… I fall into the comparison trap and thinking I “should” be like some random girl I will follow on Instagram.  It SHOULD be easier.  I SHOULD be squatting 225 for reps. Sometimes I struggle to celebrate the small victories and instead get down for the little things I didn’t do… the doubtful voice in my head or other distractions/stressors of life (work, relationships, etc)… still creeps in there, especially mid set if 1 of my reps wasn’t “easy” or “perfect”.

Sounds sad. Sounds frustrating and lonely. Sounds like a fun-sucking, comparison-focused, judgmental, negative, cycle.

Sound familiar?

Perfectionism has been defined in many ways. The “refusal to accept any standard short of perfection,” means that the perfectionist rejects any outcome or effort that is devoid of flaws… less than The Most… secondary to superlative. And in order for the perfectionist to ‘accept’ an outcome, it must be possible for there to even be such a thing as “perfect” in the first place.

What About the Strength Training Perfectionist?

Perfectionism can be viewed as a personality strength in athletic contexts (Hill, Gotwals, Witcher &

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Leyland, 2015). As you might imagine, dedication and intense pursuit of success bode well for those in pursuit of a lofty (or in this case, heavy) goal.

Joachim Stoeber, professor of psychology at the University of Kent, recently described perfectionism as a “double edged sword” (2014). On one hand, perfectionism can be motivating. It can help us to feel determined, to fight for our goals and make the sacrifices necessary to progress in our training. On the other hand, perfectionism can fuel our inner-critic. It can keep us focused on our short comings and blind us to any progress we’ve made along the way.

Strive for perfection – but don’t be concerned about past imperfection.

Researchers of perfectionism have described healthy and unhealthy subtypes of perfectionism (Flett & Hewitt, 2005; Stoeber & Otto, 2006). Sometimes referred to as ‘healthy perfectionism’ and ‘neurotic perfectionism’, clear themes have emerged. Striving for perfection means to focus on the process (which I’ve written about in the past).

The striving perfectionist uses her energy to move toward the goal, as opposed to worrying about the outcome. In contrast, the neurotic perfectionist ruminates on past performance that was imperfect. She judges herself harshly, talks down to herself, and ends up feeling defeated, deflated, and less-than. She gets ‘stuck’, and not only does this lead to feeling bad, it has deleterious effects on future performance!

How to Strive for Perfection

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Set goals. Don’t shy away from your aspirations – but be intentional. Specifically, I recommend setting a goal, and being as specific as possible. Identify a timeline for your goal, and check in with a friend, gym-buddy, or professional about it – is this realistic?

Set yourself up for a 99% chance of success. If and when life gets in the way (catching a cold, going away for a long weekend, having a “pizza-emergency”) be flexible and adjust your goal so that you can stay on track with progress and continue to move forward. Any thought process or goal that keeps your focus on the past, and makes you feel bad about yourself, is a total waste of your time.

I cannot stress this enough: when you get down on yourself, and stuck there, you are wasting your time, and your energy, and you have nothing to gain. When you do have a setback or a failure, remember it’s just data and use the information to adjust your goals, reframe your intention, and keep it movin’!

Do Not Concern Yourself with Imperfection

Researchers and optimists agree: getting down on yourself for not being “good enough” is useless. Over the years, I’ve heard clients tell me they think it is productive to beat themselves up or shame themselves after a “failure”.

Some describe this as punishment, or penance for imperfection. Punishment is significantly less effective than reward. Reinforcing what you do correctly will keep you on track in the long run; punishment may have some temporary, short-term benefits, but those will quickly lose their power, forcing you to either get meaner with yourself, or abandon your goal altogether.

If you get stuck with perfectionistic concerns, here are some quick tips:

1) Turn the page: Remind yourself you’re wasting precious time and energy! Re-focus on the next opportunity to work toward your goal.

2) Re-frame “failure:” It’s just information. Falling short of your goal doesn’t mean anything about your worth, your value, or your capacity for improvement. It’s just a data-point that is relevant to that particular performance. Process it, consider how it can inform future goals and performances, and then move on.

3) Lighten up!: There are many benefits to being a perfectionist… so maximize the benefits and minimize the drawbacks. If you’re getting all bent out of shape about being 10 pounds short of a PR, or 3 pounds shy of your goal weight, simmer down! Your missing the forest for the trees. You’re missing out of feeling strong, healthy, happy, and fabulous, all because you’re off by a few digits. How silly can you be?!

Good luck!

NOTE: Lisa will be co-presenting with Artemis Scantalides on the I Am Not Afraid to Lift (The Power of Mindset Edition) on Sunday, November 6th at my studio here in Boston. Only 2-3 spots are available.[footnote]Not kidding here. I’m not saying this as some cheap marketing ploy to build urgency. There have only been 10 spots made available and 2-3 are left. Huuuuuuuurry.[/footnote]

Register TODAY under ‘EVENTS’ HERE.

Citations

Flett, G.L. & Hewitt, P.L. (2005). The perils of perfectionism in sports and exercise. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 14, 14-18.

Hill, A.P., Gotwals, J.K., Witcher, C.S. & Leyland, A.F. (2015). A qualitative study of perfectionism among self-identified perfectionists in sport and the performing arts. Sport, Exercise, and Performance Psychology, 4, 237-253.

Stoeber, J. (2014). Perfectionism in sport and dance: A double-edged sword. International Journal of Sport Psychology, 45, 385-394.

Stoeber, J. & Otto, K. (2006). Positive conceptions of perfectionism: Approaches, evidence, challenges. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 10, 295-319.

About the Author

Dr. Lisa Lewis is a licensed psychologist with a passion for wellness and fitness. She earned her doctorate in counseling psychology with a specialization in sport psychology at Boston University, and her doctoral research focused on exercise motivation. She uses a strength-based, solution-focused approach and most enjoys working with athletes and athletically-minded clients who are working toward a specific goal or achievement.

Lisa is also a certified drug and alcohol counselor, and has taught undergraduate courses as an adjunct professor at Salem University, Wheelock College, and Northeastern University in courses including exercise psychology, developmental psychology, and abnormal psychology. Lisa currently works as the assistant director of a college counseling center in Boston, MA, and she has a small private practice in the nearby town of Brookline.

As a new addition to the “I Am Not Afraid To Lift” workshop, Lisa will integrate mental skills into the physical skills training of the day. Mental skills can enhance performance, maximize motivation and prevent barriers like negative thinking, fear, and self-doubt from interfering with goals.

Categoriespodcast

The Next Fitness Power Couple?

I think my wife and I are starting to become a fitness power couple.

Copyright: maxutov / 123RF Stock Photo
Copyright: maxutov / 123RF Stock Photo

 

We’re not quite at the same level (or stratosphere) as the Cosgrove’s (Alwyn and Rachel), but in the past year it’s been pretty cool to see my wife, Dr. Lisa Lewis, gaining some attention from my neck of the woods.

(Not So) Humble Brag Alert

As most who read this website know, Lisa is a psychologist with a doctorate in Sports Psychology. She has a special interest in mindset, mindfulness, and exercise/behavioral psychology, and as it happens this is an area or niche that’s been receiving a ton more attention in the fitness industry of late.

We all tend to be our own worst enemy and Lisa can speak to many of the mental roadblocks and clusterfuckery (<– my words, not hers) that can often hamper progress or even prevent people from starting to exercise in the first place.

It’s been a treat to see people reach out to her for her expertise.

In the past year:

  • She’s performed several I Am Not Afraid to Lift workshops with Artemis Scantalides (the next one with Lisa is this November here in Boston. You can go HERE for more information and to register).
  • She and I have been invited to Austin, TX and London to put on our Strong Body-Strong Mind workshop.
  • She’s also seen her name in print in the likes of Women’s Health Magazine and EliteFTS.com.

And while she’s a doctor, she’s also a doctor who lifts. #fitnessstreetcred

To say I’m proud would be an understatement. And to say I’m excited to see what the future holds for her (and us) would be even more of an understatement.[footnote]Lots of diaper changes for one thing…;o)[/footnote]

One of the bigger “events” of late was Lisa being invited onto The FitCast a few weeks ago to record an episode.

She CRUSHED It. I’m totally not biased.

You can listen to her episode HERE (and look for another episode in a few more weeks. She and Kevin recorded Part II a few days ago).

More to come, I’m sure.

Categoriescoaching Female Training psychology rant

Stop “Should-ing” All Over Yourself

This past weekend I attended the I Am Not Afraid To Lift Workshop at Iron Body Studios in West Roxbury, MA. It’s an event created by Artemis Scantalides geared mainly towards women – although men are encouraged to attend too – that teaches strength training as a form of empowerment, a road to improved confidence, and a less arduous avenue towards increased autonomy.

(In addition to giving the attendees any excuse to flex their biceps whenever possible).

It shouldn’t take more than 1.7 seconds to find where I’m located in this picture.

What made this past weekend particularly special for me was that my wife, Dr. Lisa Lewis (located front row, 3rd from left, next to Artemis, on her right), was a co-presenter invited to speak on the topic of mindset, dealing with negative self talk, and to elucidate further on some of the psychological hurdles that many trainees tend to encounter in the weight room…and in life.

As someone who works with a lot of women and who has long championed the idea that strength training is a good thing and something that should be embraced and not euthanized in lieu of buzz words like “toned,” “long,” “lean,” and “sexy”…I felt this was a perfect melding of worlds, and something there’s a massive need for.

Artemis speaking to the intricacies of the deadlift, squat, swing, press, and chin-up/pull-up – both from a coaching/cueing and program design perspective – and Lisa speaking to many of the pervasive mental road blocks many women and men battle on a daily basis which CAN be managed with some easily implemented drills and strategies.

“Should-ing” On Ourselves

While speaking with an attendee about her anxieties and frustrations about not being able to hit a specific fitness goal, Lisa commented, “It sounds like your “SHOULD-ING” all over yourself, instead of feeling energized by your goal.”

The entire room erupted in laughter[footnote]Get it? Should = Shit. HAHAHAhahahahaahahaha. Haha. Ha. Why aren’t you laughing? Okay, this is awkward[/footnote]. I’m lucky I wasn’t drinking anything at the time, because this totally would have been me:It was an awesome line, but not a Lisa original.

She borrowed it from Dr. Albert Ellis who’s the man responsible for something referred to as RET, or Rational Emotive Therapy. RET was popular decades ago, before CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) came on the scene. Ellis would focus on “irrational thoughts” as the source of our anxieties and negative emotions.

I have to assume there’s a book somewhere out there with big, fancy words or entire courses describing this type of therapy in more glamorous detail, but in other words it can be broken down like this:

The origin of your problem isn’t actually the problem… it’s how you’re thinking about the problem.

Some common health and fitness examples may include:

“I’m not fit until I can run a marathon or deadlift 2x bodyweight.”

“I’m not in shape until I have a six pack or I’m “x” dress size.”

“I have to workout every day.”

“If I don’t achieve my goal of hitting a bodyweight chin-up, I’m a failure.”

Lisa interviewing an attendee on her “mental roadblocks” and anxiety about hitting a specific fitness goal.

Many of us form these beliefs and inevitably turn them into doctrine:

Who says they’re real in the first place?

Who says you have to deadlift 2x bodyweight?

Who says you have to train everyday?

Who says you have to lose 10 lbs. in order to look good in a bikini?

Who said that? Who says these rules?

A trainer? An article your read on the internet? Some magazine cover? A Kardashian?

Even me?

Even if a reliable source makes a professional recommendation about what you “should” be doing – does that mean it’s come down from the mountain? No[footnote]But in my case, yes.[/footnote]. My goal as a fitness professional is to help – offer ideas, alternatives, new ways to approach your strength goals. But if something I (or anyone else) recommends doesn’t help, and in fact makes you stressed, feel bad, or NOT WANT to pursue your fitness goals, THROW IT OUT!

Try a different approach.

It’s All Made Up

The thing to point out – especially as it relates to YOUR goals and YOUR happiness – is that there are no rules. Everything – more or less – is someone else’s belief. Someone else’s opinion.

[Not coincidentally to help sell an ebook, or DVD, or Gluten-free, GMO, organic, Acai Pills soaked in Unicorn tears.]

That doesn’t mean it’s right for you.

As Lisa notes:

“Buying into a “rule” that makes you unhappy is the problem.”

And this is something that permeates into other aspects of our lives as well; not just fitness.

We make rules for ourselves – often irrationally and without much thought – and make a habit of measuring our happiness, sense of well-being, and worse, our overall sense of self-worth on our ability to successfully cross these rules off like a checklist:

  • I have to – should – be married by the time of 28.
  • I have to – should – make Dean’s List every semester.
  • I have to – should–  be making “x” amount of money per year.
  • I have to – should – get caught up on Game of Thrones[footnote]Yeah, there’s no excuse here. Get it done[/footnote].

Bringing the discussion back to health and fitness, according to Lisa:

“If “shoulding on yourself” is messing you up and makes you feel upset, then it’s time to reevaluate.”

That’s not the point of fitness. Don’t should on yourself.

If you can deadlift 290 lbs and your goal is 300, are you any less accomplished or less of a person? Does all the hard work you put in for the past few months (or years) all of a sudden become moot or negated because of 10 lbs?

It’s true: we celebrate growth and progress in the gym by how much weight is on the bar. We take before and after pictures. We set goals and standards for ourselves, which is fantastic.

However, once we allow someone else’s arbitrary (even if well intentioned) rule from a magazine or book affect our well-being – I should be avoiding carbohydrates after 6PM (even though I feel lethargic and want to drop kick everyone in the face), I should be back squatting (even though it never feels good, despite good coaching) – and it becomes more toxic than helpful… it’s time to change your mindset.

In the end who cares? What matters and what’s important is that you recognize the process is every bit as important as the outcome.

It’s time to stop SHOULDING all over yourself.

How about you? Any “shoulds” out there that you’d like to share? Lisa says it can help to acknowledge and “put it out there” to help yourself start to reevaluate what really matters…

Thanks for your thoughts!