I Ate a Six-Egg Omelet, and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt

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^ No really, see!

This past Sunday, Lisa and I woke up with nothing particular to do.  As is the case every week, Sundays tend to be my day to “catch up on life.”  Which is just another fancy way of saying:  grocery shopping, spending time with Lisa, and, if I’m lucky, taking a power nap (or two).

Since we hit off Trader Joe’s the day prior, and there was nothing really on the agenda, we both decided to meet up with a few of her friends for brunch in Boston’s South End.

As you can surmise, it wasn’t like Lisa had to pull my arm to tag along.  I love brunch and Lisa was paying (Score!), so I grabbed a pair of jeans, slapped on a t-shirt, and off we went to this place that her friend, Carolyn, has always raved about, Gaslight.

Okay, this is the part where you can cue the Jaws theme music.

For the record, I LOVE Lisa’s friends.  You’d be hard pressed to find a more intelligent and otherwise beautiful group of women in Beantown.  I mean, come on….it doesn’t take a genius to recognize that I looked totally baller walking in with a group of fashionistas around my arms.

That notwithstanding, as any warm-blooded, heavy lifting, meat loving, Baywatch re-run watching, private area scratching, Fantasy Football obsessing male can appreciate:  there’s only so much you can take before you basically want to throw yourself in front of a bus.

It took all of about three minutes from the time we walked into the restaurant until we sat down that the conversation turned from “hey Tony, how have you been” to the girls talking about boutique shopping, pedicures, and kitten snuggles.

Okay, it wasn’t quite like that; I’m obviously exaggerating for dramatic effect…but suffice it to say, I could sense my t-levels dropping faster than Obama’s approval rating.  Badda bing, badda boom – Count it!

Anyways, by the time the waiter came to take our orders, I was in dire need of something manly to happen.  And, since it was abundantly clear that this was the type of establishment that would probably frown upon me busting out my nun chucks, I did the next best thing, and ordered an omelet.  But not just any omelet – a DOUBLE order omelet.

The conversation went something like this:

Me:  I’d like the roasted vegetable and feta omelet, but I have a quick question – how many eggs are used?

Waiter:  I believe three.

Me:  Hmmm, yeah, I better double that order (giving myself a high five in my head).

Waiter (with a look of utter shock):  Okay.  I hope you’ll be able to finish it!

Me:  Nah, I eat that every day for breakfast, it’s not that big of a deal.

Awkward silence.  Waiter walks away.

Me:  Wait, can you bring some Grey Poupon…….oh, never mind.

Fifteen minutes later, our food arrives.  While the omelet itself WAS ginormous – taking up half the plate – it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, considering my typical breakfast that I eat everyday.

Get this, though.  About ten minutes later, the hostess approaches our table and asks me if everything is alright.  “Perfect,” I said, “thank you.”

“Well,” she continued, “the chef wanted me to say how impressed he was.  He’s never been asked to make such a big omelet, and he wanted to make sure that it came out satisfactorily.  Also, he wanted me to give you this t-shirt (pictured above).”  In case you don’t remember, it looks like this:

I just about spat up my fruit cup.  Lisa, along with the rest of the crew, started laughing out loud.  Don’t get me wrong, it was awesome, but really?  A t-shirt for only eating SIX eggs?  I thanked the hostess, told her to tell the chef that it was excellent, and that I appreciated the sentiment.

Lets think about this for a second, because this is actually a very interesting commentary on our society.  I did the math, and concluded that six eggs (at 70 calories apiece) amounts to roughly 420 calories.  No big deal, and definitely not stomach shattering by any stretch of the imagination – especially considering I’m a pretty well built guy, seemingly whose pecs deflects bullets, at 200+ lbs.

Hell, the pile of greased soaked fries that my meal came with – which I elected not to eat – probably doubled (if not tripled) that number.  The heaping stack of French toast that Lisa’s petite best friend, Carolyn ordered easily trumped my eggs in caloric value.

Yet, no t-shirt for her.

Isn’t it funny, if not downright comical, that our society’s perspective on what is considered “gluttonous,” and as a result, warrants a t-shirt, has gotten to the point where a guy walks in and orders six eggs and everyone’s world is flipped upside down?   Yet, the breakfast quesadilla the size of a frisbee that’s filled with nothing but processed flour, sugar, and other “gunk” doesn’t even make anyone blink an eye.  Thoughts?  Comments?  Beuller?  Bueller?



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Comments for This Entry

  • Mike

    I laughed out loud reading this because I'm used to people treating me like a lunatic for eating 2-3 lbs. of dead animal flesh every day. And yet these are the same people who think nothing of the sugar and carb fest that is their every meal.

    September 13, 2011 at 11:10 am | Reply to this comment

  • Brock

    I hear ya Tony. I've been known to put together some 6 egg breakfasts of my own from time to time. I tell people and they generally give me a blank stare. It's a shame not many people recognize the awesomeness of eggs.

    September 13, 2011 at 11:16 am | Reply to this comment

  • Rees

    LOL. I have a couple shirts for eating 2x2lb burgers. Everyone looked at me like I was nuts and started betting whether I could finish it or not. Dumb dumbs.

    September 13, 2011 at 11:23 am | Reply to this comment

  • Bob C

    Six eggs? Oh, the horror. Think of the productive lives those eggs would have had as chickens! I hope you can find a way to live with yourself! Thanks. Now I'm hungry for said omelet.

    September 13, 2011 at 12:47 pm | Reply to this comment

  • Deborah

    Denny's 3 egg "veggie" omelet with cheese, hashbrowns and 2 pieces of toast = 940 calories, 58 grams of fat. Tshirt with your breakfast? Nooooo. Don't wipe the plate clean? "Is there something wrong with your food?" This country has nutritionally gone to hell and has the obesity and diabetes to show for it.

    September 13, 2011 at 12:51 pm | Reply to this comment

  • R Smith

    Amen, Tony! That's one of several reasons I RESENT eating out, in addition to the crap added to most foods AND the high number of 2,000-plus calorie entrees. But ask for 12 ounces of fish--which I do often (or six eggs)--and they think you're crazy. Yesterday, I accompanied a close friend to a Thai restaurant, and when I asked for the garlic chicken sans any sauce and without rice, the attendant looked perplexed, then said, "I can give you more vegetables [to replace the rice], but are you sure about the sauce? I wouldn't feel comfortable if I didn't bring you SOME sauce. Then it would be just steamed vegetables." Ah... That is what I want, ma'am. Precisely why I--someone who hates cooking--spent much of last night cooking turkey meatballs, grass-fed beef meatloaf and almond flour protein muffins. RS

    September 13, 2011 at 1:15 pm | Reply to this comment

  • Dana

    At my favorite local restaurant where I eat once a week or so, Friday I elected for a (rather unusual for me) dinner of French onion soup and a really interesting salad with duck, almonds and watermelon (mainly because it sounded so intriguing). The chef came out to find out why I hadn't ordered the steak. He thought something was wrong with me. :)

    September 13, 2011 at 1:19 pm | Reply to this comment

  • Chris A

    You need to come out to Seattle and try Beth's Cafe. They make 12 egg omelets and don't give out shirts if you finish. I think they scoff at you if you order just the 6 egg omelet but I'm not sure. The thing does come out on a pizza pan though with bottomless hashbrowns.

    September 13, 2011 at 1:40 pm | Reply to this comment

  • Niel

    A free shirt is a free shirt. But yeah 6 eggs isn't competitive eater status. Maybe the meal size left them awestruck instead of caloric total. And of course, eggs are cholesterol-filled "evil," more than 1-2 a week is outrageous.

    September 13, 2011 at 3:05 pm | Reply to this comment

  • Tony Gentilcore

    Just throwing it out there: I ate TEN eggs today. HA!

    September 13, 2011 at 3:22 pm | Reply to this comment

  • Barath

    Don't be too proud, Tony. I am told the conversation in the kitchen went something like this: Waiter: There's a dude that wants a six egg omelet. Chef: Yeah, what's his name? Waiter: Not sure, but a bunch of chicks over there kept calling him Gentle-core. Chef: Man, a guy with *that* name wants six eggs? Imma give him a shirt if he finishes.

    September 13, 2011 at 3:58 pm | Reply to this comment

  • Marshall Roy

    Love this story---and the analysis. Reminds me of one of my favorite moments from "Parks & Rec," which is a phenomenally funny TV show. Ron Swanson, curmudgeonly bureaucrat and lover of dead animal flesh, is utterly crushed to learn that his favorite steakhouse has closed. He goes to a diner and says: "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have. You may have thought you heard me say I wanted a lot of bacon and eggs, but what I said was: GIVE ME ALL THE BACON AND EGGS YOU HAVE." Also I'm reading this about four seconds away from putting away a moderately sized omelet (only a fiver, but they're jumbo) for dinner. ROCK.

    September 13, 2011 at 4:42 pm | Reply to this comment

  • Marshall Roy

    Ahhhhh found it: http://youtu.be/DleceyAO34M

    September 13, 2011 at 4:44 pm | Reply to this comment

  • Gwen

    I often get comments on how much food I eat but yet "am so little and lean!" LOL...I tell them when you eat the correct things then it's possible....

    September 13, 2011 at 5:25 pm | Reply to this comment

  • Juliet

    I wish I knew what place that was so I could go order 6 eggs while I'm up here. I love eggs. http://www.iloveegg.com/eng_index.htm So do Koreans, evidently.

    September 13, 2011 at 5:56 pm | Reply to this comment

  • Lissa

    I particularly like how haaaaayoooooooooge that shirt is, as if someone who eats a 6-egg omelet could only be the size of Andre the Giant.

    September 13, 2011 at 7:00 pm | Reply to this comment

  • Donny Williamson

    I once got that weird look from a waiter at Bob Evans when I asked for half a dozen eggs. They then brought me three plates with two eggs each.

    September 13, 2011 at 7:10 pm | Reply to this comment

  • Rees

    I throw down on a dozen, w/ about half an onion, tbsp of garlic, some italian seasoning, and then smother it in salsa everyone once in awhile. Cashiers think I'm crazy when I check out of the grocery store. But I go through about 180-220 eggs/mo..... What can I say, I like eggs.

    September 13, 2011 at 8:06 pm | Reply to this comment

  • michelle

    Love love love eggs! I eat a four egg omlet with lots o' butter almost everyday. Get's a little pricey though when you buy the pastured organic ones.

    September 14, 2011 at 6:24 am | Reply to this comment

  • jay

    It was 1984, I was fresh off a lesson in home ec on omelet making. (95% chicks Tony, a 13YO's dream class). Offered to make the family dinner that night, a pair of duece omelets for mom and dad, a triple for my siblings, and a fiver for me. Full dozen. Been getting stronger ever since.

    September 14, 2011 at 10:04 am | Reply to this comment

  • katie

    Tony, forget about commenting on your egg eating ability gaston...kitten snuggling? There was no talk of kitten snuggling! Puppy snuggling maybe and that is totally manly!!

    September 14, 2011 at 7:33 pm | Reply to this comment

  • Marco Berardi

    I eat 4-6 six eggs every morning. Funny how everyone thinks their two bowls of sugary cereal for breakfast is much more healthful.

    September 15, 2011 at 1:43 am | Reply to this comment

  • ugg classic tall

    I like the writingr blog and it does a pretty decent job of presenting the material.

    October 11, 2011 at 11:39 pm | Reply to this comment

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