New Year’s Day Hate
Might as well start 2009 off with a bang, courtesy of one of the coolest e-mails I have ever received. I had to share this one with all of you.
So, I had to share my day at the gym with you because I know you love this kind of stuff.
After walking into the weight room and realizing I’d have to rearrange my days programming because apparently it was “bench day,” and there weren’t any free for me – natch – the only girl in there, I took a good look around… did I just walk onto the set of a bad 80s mafia movie?! Where did these guys come from?! One was shorter, and greasier than the next, and it seemed they all knew each other since most were hugging like it was a family reunion. But, THE best part was when this one dude walked up to these two young kids (not sure if they were with him or??) sporting the slightly cocked cap, black wife beater, and (oh yes!) the tribal tattoo that covered a good portion of his left shoulder and… wait for it… lifted his shirt to show them his abs! We are talking douche to the douchiest power! I think I may have laughed out loud.
I saw an ambulance pull up outside while I was doing my intervals, and secretly hoped he’d, I don’t know, crushed his larynx trying to bench too high or something. Unfortunately not, as I saw him walking out with his fur-lined hoodie on not too much later. It was then I realized the true meaning behind reading your blog… the learned hate. It was always in me, I just don’t try to hide it as much anymore.
I have four words for you random girl who e-mailed me: Will………….you…………marry………..me? You had me at douche to the douchiest power. I’ve never felt like this before. I really feel you and I may have a connection, that for all intents and purposes, could end up being something really special. Lets be honest, it’s not everyday that I meet a woman who shares my affinity for wanting to stab my own face off from all the asinine things I see or read about that go on at the commercial gym. I mean, just think of the possibilities. We could train together, maybe bully a personal trainer or two, then go home so you could make me a ham sandwich. It would be glorious! I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’d like to make an honest woman out of you. Do you like Star Wars?