Well, That’s Weird
There’s no shortage of shenanigans, tomfoolery, and outright WTF’ness tethered to everyday life. We can multiply this by a factor of infinity when talking about stuff we see and hear in the gym.
The gym is a petri dish of grit, determination, chalk, high-fives, blood, sweat, and other bodily fluids I don’t want to think about, plumes of Axe Body Spray, cheesy one-liners, groutfits, selfies, rusty barbells, and a spectrum of head scratching, eyebrow raising, head tilting dumbfoundedness of human behavior.
Shit can get weird.
Today’s guest post by regular contributor, Shane McLean, scratches the surface.
Copyright: sertikhonov / 123RF Stock Photo
Well, That’s Weird
Whenever I go off on a tangent and start raving about some minuscule subject, my wife often dismisses me with ‘whatever floats your boat dear.’ My reply is ‘you’re the one who floats my boat dear.’
Okay, that’s enough dirty talk.
We all have our own idiosyncrasies, things we do without thinking or habits we do that other people look upon as strange. And if you’re a fitness professional or a hardcore gym goer you probably have a bucket load of things that your family and friends brush off as weird.
However, if you’re anything like me, you either don’t care what people think or you believe it’s completely natural and everyone should do it because it’s awesome.
For example, checking out your abs in the mirror while every else is lifting.
I’ve been around gyms for over 25 years as a gym goer and a trainer. And in that time, I have developed my own strange habits and I’ve also seen things that I can’t forget because it’s been burned into my subconscious.
The following list is like therapy for the soul.
Let the healing begin.
1. Don’t ever show your underarm fat to a trainer and ask, “What do I do about these chicken wings?”
If you must know, I like them battered and fried and smothered with BBQ sauce.
2. It’s okay to sweat but please, clean up after yourself. The habit of not cleaning up after one’s self and leaving a pool of sweat on the gym floor like a calling card to gross. Your mum is not there to clean up for you, so you do it.
3. I love training bare foot.
I love my feet touching the dirty gym floor because it gives me better feedback on how I’m doing.
Unfortunately, not everyone digs it as much as I do.
4. Do you remember when Monica Seles graced the tennis courts?
Don’t be that guy after every rep.
A little is okay but a lot is not.
5. Do you know the dude who wears a weight belt while doing 55-pound barbell curls? Don’t be him either.
6. If you’re getting dirty looks while on your cell phone, you’re talking too loudly. No one needs to hear what you ate last night. On that note, why are you talking on your cellphone in the gym?
Get back to lifting.
7. Why do people wake up at the arse crack of dawn to run on a treadmill? The weights are over there.
8. Don’t text and lift. It’s hazardous for ones health.
9. Laying the weight plates by the weight stack doesn’t count as putting them away. Don’t be lazy and re rack your weights.
10. Stop bragging to everyone about how much you lift.
Somewhere, someone is warming up with your max.
11. Who doesn’t enjoy eating out of Tupperware containers?
12. There’s a time for dancing and a time for lifting.
Don’t get the two confused.
13. Do you drop your dirty plates on the floor after you’ve finished eating? Of course not. Pay the dumbbells the same respect.
14. What am I doing with the lacrosse ball?
15. There’s a reason gyms have lots of mirrors, so take advantage of it you sexy thing.
16. Don’t make me wait for the water fountain while filling a gallon container. Are you really that thirsty?
17. Wearing sunglasses while training is never cool unless your Corey Hart. Is the sun shining in the gym?
18. Playing Candy Crush on your phone while spotting your partner bench pressing goes beyond stupid.
Yes, this actually happened, and I still can’t get it out of my brain.
19. There are some exercises that look like you’re getting lucky. Please don’t maintain eye contact with anyone while doing these.
20. Squatting while on a stability ball is a trainers worst nightmare. It’s still giving me the cold sweats.
It’s my hope that you feel better now.
I certainty do.
I’ve saved a bunch of money on therapy.
Shane “The Balance Guy” McLean, is an A.C.E Certified Personal Trainer working deep in the heart of Louisiana with the gators.