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Protein Powder (A Brief Review). And By “Brief,” What I Really Mean Is “The Most Un-Scientific Post Ever.”

Not long ago I mentioned that I would start dedicating some time discussing supplements; which ones I like, which ones I dislike, and which ones will make girls want to hang out with you.

First on the hit list is protein powder. For those of you who are new to my blog, you can read my “philosophy” on supplements here. In a nutshell, I tend to follow the same approach as John Berardi in that I tend to place supplements into two categories; essential and targeted. Essential supplements are what I like to call non-supplement supplements. In other words, all of these can technically be attained through whole foods alone, but supplementation is often utilized to meet daily requirements/needs based on lifestyle. Protein powder would fall into this category.

On an aside, supplements that would fall into the “targeted” category would include things like thermogenics (fat loss products), CNS stimulants (caffeine/yohimbe), cell volumizers (creatine), etc.

Since this is the first go-around for this series, I’m just going to shoot from the hip and jot down some random thoughts on the matter in no particular order.

I’m a protein guy and have often advocated that people need to try to get more protein into their diets; especially for those who lead a more active lifestyle. In a fairly recent study/review (Appl Physiol Nutr Metab. 2006 Dec;31(6):647-54), it was rationalized that (and I am paraphrasing here) the Recommended Dietary Allowance (RDA) of 0.8 grams of protein/ kg of body weight was pretty much the most retarded thing ever.

That being said, it’s been my experience that the vast majority of people out there follow a diet that is strikingly low in protein. Furthermore, when those same people see that many fitness professionals recommend upwards of 1.0-1.5 grams of protein/lb of body-weight, they often think to themselves, “there is no way I can eat that much protein. I wouldn’t even know where to start!

First off, that’s absurd. There are plenty of cute little furry animals that can be killed and eaten. The only ones that are off limits are kittens, puppies, and baby seals. And Bambi, of course. Bambi’s mom is fair game though. Secondly, because of its convenience, protein powder fits nicely into most trainee’s dietary plans. While I always advocate that people try to focus on whole foods as much as possible, protein powder can serve as a perfect adjunct to one’s diet and help them reach their dietary protein needs.

I prefer to recommend brands that consist of high(er) quality protein blends (think casein, milk protein, whey isolate). As well, I also like to stick to brands that don’t taste like sandpaper, or worse, laundry detergent dipped in cancer. Some of my favorites:

1. Biotest Metabolic Drive

2. Xtreme Formulations Ultra Peptide

3. At Large Nitrean

And I’m sure there are a plethora of other brands out there that people know about, so feel free to share them in the comments section.

As far as how often and when to take protein powder. That will obviously depend on one’s activity level, dietary needs, etc. However, generally speaking, I like to tell clients to use protein shakes at times when it’s hard to make a “real” meal (mid AM or mid PM snacks). Additionally, post-training would also be an ideal time to ingest some high quality protein. And because this is just a blog post and not an all-out article, I’ll refrain from the obvious talking points (whey vs. casein/ fast vs. slow, blah blah blah). For those who really want to dive into the minutia (timing, protein quality, BCAA’s, will protein cause your kidneys to hate you, is there a max amount of protein you can ingest in one sitting, protein needs vs. optimization, to name a few) I definitely recommend Lyle McDonald’s The Protein Book.

In short, I “heart” protein powder. We’re total BFF’s. Last weekend alone we braided each other’s hair and watched Twilight for the 3rd time. OMGVAMPIRES!!!!!

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First Annual Cressey Performance Thanksgiving Morning Lift (A Recap)

Setting: Thanksgiving morning 6:30 AM. The last time I willfully got up this early outside of work related obligations was to watch Saturday morning cartoons last weekend when I was nine.

Remember how each episode of GI Joe used to end with a Public Service announcement? I used to play a game with myself and try to do the exact opposite. Like that one time Flint said to have an ump ref your baseball games:

“Well, fighting won’t stop it. When people disagree sometimes they need someone who’s not involved to settle things.”

Pffffft. Whatever. Sometimes what people need is a fastball to the side of the head. That’s the only way they’re going to know not to crowd the plate. And knowing is half the battle!

Nevertheless, my alarm went off at 6:30. But to be honest, I was actually awake 45 minutes prior due to sheer excitement for the awesomeness that was about to go down. I made a quick protein shake, finished packing my car for my trip home back to NY, and off I went to the First Annual Cressey Performance Thanksgiving Day Lift.

When all was said and done, a total of eleven people showed up at 8AM, despite the fact that the night beforehand was the biggest drinking night of the year. There was no 5K Turkey Trot. Nor was there any pink dumbbell boot camp. Just loud music and people anxious to lift heavy shit. Did I mention this was eight in the morning?

Here’s some of the guys (including yours truly) warming up with their foam rollers, etc. Notice Dan against the wall with what can only be described as his child molester beard. Note to reader: he’s not really a child molester. The only thing he molests is his Spike.

Eric, Danny V, and myself decided to start the day off with a 225 bench test. I mean it only makes sense that if we were going to be eating lots of meat later on in the day, that the next most manly thing to do would be to bench till our hands bled. Here’s Danny being coached by Eric as he did his test.

A few things to note

There’s actually a strategy to doing a proper bench test. It isn’t about flailing around like you’re having a seizure and banging out reps. First and foremost, it’s about getting a solid set-up.

Cliff Notes Version, because I’m too lazy to go into depth here:

1. Feet under you, and out. Drive your heels into the ground so that you can get a decent leg drive.

2. Shoulder blades tucked and together.

3. Elbows IN, not out.

4. Belly high.

I believe Danny’s previous best was eleven reps. With that in mind, listen to Eric as he coaches Danny through the set. He bangs out his first five reps as fast possible. From there, he pauses, gets his breath, and then performs doubles till those get challenging. Then it’s singles till he can’t do anymore. Danny ends with 13 reps, and breaks his PR. All without anyone yelling, “all you, all you, all you.”

Here’s a video of Eric repping out a 405 trap bar deadlift. Final count=20 On an aside, I think my spine shit itself.

And because I’m a major tool, I decided to end the day with some good ol’ fashioned curling in the squat rack. It’s my facility, so deal with it. I don’t know if it was Stanley Kubrick behind the camera or not, but my guns have never looked so gunny. *tear rolls down cheek*

Not to be outdone, here’s Michelle doing some Anderson Front Squats like a champ. Note Eric yelling in the background to Dan T and totally calling him out. Classic. Note to readers: Michelle should have paused a bit longer on the pins, but it was early, and I this was the only video I got of her doing the squats. I anoint myself a mulligan.

She even smiled afterwards, weird.

All in all, everyone had a blast and I’m pretty certain that this is going to be an annual event. It just goes to show how important training environment (as well as a little attitude) is for motivating people and getting results. Plus, it certainly helps that we have clients who are willing to bust their asses.

And show us their invisible water jugs…….(I bet you can’t guess who)

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Giving Thanks to “Stuff”

My most favoritest time of year is finally here. Thanksgiving is pretty much the most perfect holiday ever invented. Copious amounts of delicious food + football + women in the kitchen = tears in my eyes. No, but seriously, it’s the one day out of the year where I don’t give a rats ass what I put down my pie hole. Furthermore, it also marks the countdown to two things: a) my birthday (Nov 30th: which lets be honest, should be a holiday in-of-itself), and b) the Victoria Secret Fashion Show (Dec 3rd on CBS) featuring Alessandra Ambrosio’s, ummmmmm, belly button.

 

I do love Thanksgiving because it’s one of the rare holidays that doesn’t have an agenda. It comes down to two things: enjoying time with your family and relatives, while giving thanks to what’s important in your life.* And of course, totally dominating mom’s homemade apple pie.

 

Enjoy it people. Go nuts and eat till you can’t anymore. And then eat again. It’s one day. Don’t sweat the details and freak out if you have a carb. Enjoy them and all their glory. CARBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* My List of Things I’m Thankful for:

1. My readers. I know it sounds sappy, but I truly do appreciate the support and the fact that this blog has steadily grown in the year and half that I have done it. Thank you!

2. A great training crew. You know those days when you just don’t “feel it,” and you don’t want to go to the gym and train? Well, this is why finding a training crew or someone to train with is so important. Accountability.

3. Speaking of which, I’m also thankful for having the coolest/best clients ever at CP. I plan on getting a lift in at 8AM tomorrow morning before I head back home to NY. Upon hearing about this, ten of our clients mentioned that they’d be game to come in as well. Awesomeness will ensue (blog post to follow).

4. Spike (cue “Unchained Melody” by Righteous Brothers)

 

5. Snatch Grip Rack Pulls. They’ve been my saving grace the past few months.

6. The fact that Keanu Reeves has only been in one feature film the past two years. Lets all agree that the less Keanu, the better.

7. The Fitcast. It’s been a blast, and make sure to keep your eyes peeled for BIG things to come.

8. Interns. Telling someone to go vacuum has never been so darn easy! As luck would have it, there is still one more spot available for the winter session; and spots for the Spring session are filling fast. Those who are interested can contact Pete DuPuis at [email protected].

9. Jen from Saugus

Honorable Mention: Tracy Anderson (for the great blog material), Kozy Shack pudding, bumper plates, The A-Team, vitamin D, Kim Kardashian’s ass, and last but not least, Muscle Clamps.

 

Safe travels everyone, have an awesome holiday!

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Miscellaneous Miscellany Monday (Protein Makes You Fat, The Sexiest Man Alive, A New Blog You Should Read)

Haven’t done one of these in a few weeks, so lets get right to it.

1. Blanket Statement of the Week (courtesy of some random nutrition professor that I don’t know): “excess protein will be turned to fat.” A little back story. A friend of mine’s brother is in school. He’s taking a nutrition class. His teachers says that there is no need for anyone to go above the ADA’s recommendation of 0.8 grams of protein per kg of body weight, because any excess protein will just be turned to fat. Really? And here I thought it was excess calories that make people fat?

Some quick facts:

It’s pretty well established in current research that 0.8 grams of protein/kg (particularly for active individuals) is woefully low. I’m 200 lbs and need far more than 72 grams of protein per day to keep chicks wanting to hang out with me. Come on.

Also, compared to carbohydrates and fats, protein has a higher TEF (Thermic Effect of Feeding) and must to go through a rather extensive process in order to be broken down (cue sciencey stuff that I really don’t want to elaborate on here), and as such, is actually the hardest macronutrient to be able to “convert into fat.”

I don’t know, this professor might have just trumped Trainer McMakeShitUp as being #1 on my list of people most deserving of getting punched in the face. With a brick.

2. My colleague, Brian St. Pierre started his own blog not too long ago, and I encourage all of you to check it out here. Brian is a very bright guy* who happens to take care of the bulk of nutrition consultations at Cressey Performance. Furthermore, you will all appreciate his no-nonsense approach to telling it like it is. Read: he swears when he’s angry! Don’t believe me, read his post on The Non-Awesomeness of MSN Health Tips. Trust me, if there’s one thing I’ve learned is that you don’t make Brian St. Pierre angry. He’ll eat your babies. True story

3. In the past, I’ve stated that I’d much prefer to make plank variations “harder” or more challenging than to increase time. Here’s a great variation of the side plank that we’ve started to incorporate at CP called the side plank wall slide.

The objective here is to place your head, shoulders, butt, and heels up against the wall and to stay as “stiff” as possible. Don’t let your hips sag and try to keep all points of contact ON THE WALL throughout the duration of the exercise. Try for three sets of eight to ten reps on each side. They’re harder than they look!

4 It’s been brought to my attention (Nel) that apparently it upsets some of my female readers that I include so many pictures of hot chicks being hot on my blog. So to appease you (Nel), I decided I would include a picture of one of my man-crushes and current Sexiest Man Alive, Hugh Jackman. Why do I have a man-crush on Hugh? He’s freakin Wolverine. Nuff said. However, just for the record, my abs would totally kick his abs’ ass.

5. This is a recipe that I got from Jen Heath for protein pancakes, and they’re absolutely delish.

1.5 cups cottage cheese

2 cups oats

12 egg whites

2 scoops vanilla Low Carb Metabolic Drive

cup water

cinnamon (quite a bit)

Just put all the contents into a blender and “blend” them till they’re a consistent texture. Obviously the recipe above will make roughly twelve pancakes (which can be used for breakfast and/or snacks), so feel free to half the ingredients if you choose to do so.

* = engaged at 24. Not so bright in my book. Freakin idiot. Oh, hey Anna (Brian’s fiance), what’s up? I didn’t realize you were there. What’s with the rabid German Shepard? Wow, he looks mean. Wait, what are you doing? Don’t let him off his chain. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

UPDATE (from my hospital bed): Brian and Anna = true love forever. It’s a beautiful thing.

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The 10,000 Hour Rule

Earlier this week I picked up Malcolm Gladwell’s new book, Outliers: The Story of Success,and all I have to say is wow. I cannot put it down. For those who aren’t familiar with Gladwell, he also penned the books The Tipping Point and Blink, which also happen to be two amazing reads.

In Outliers, the premise is simple: Why do some people succeed far more than others? Gladwell argues that (this is taken directly from the inside flap) if we want to understand how some people thrive, we should spend more time looking around them — at such things as their family, their birthplace, or even their birth date. The story of success is more complex — and a lot more interesting — than it initially appears.

Gladwell dedicates an entire chapter to what he calls the “10,000 Hour Rule.” In that chapter he asks a very simple question: is there such a thing as innate talent? Which is to say, are there some people out there who are just naturally gifted and just float by effortlessly to the top of their chosen field/hobby/sport/what-have-you? The obvious answer is, yes. However, in typical Gladwell fashion, he digs a little deeper.

Gladwell points out that the problem with this view (natural talent) is that the closer psychologists look at the careers of the gifted, the smaller the role innate talent seems to play and the bigger role preparation seems to play. Gladwell notes:

“The idea that excellence at performing a complex task requires a critical minimum level of practice surfaces again and again in studies of expertise. In fact, researchers have settled on what they believe is the magic number for true expertise: ten thousand hours.”

What separates elite violinists from “good” violinists to those who only end up music teachers? Practice. 10,000 hours to be exact. Why is Bill Gates able to take baths in hundred dollar bills? He spent hours upon hours (hello, 10,000) honing is computer programming skills as a high school student.

The point is, if you want to be great in anything, you’re not just going to get by with talent alone. You want to become a great trainer/coach? You have to attend seminars, network, and read more than two books. Sadly, I remember a conversation I had with a trainer when I worked at Sports Club/LA who mentioned to me that he had already learned all he needed to know about fitness. What a walking bag of douche.

I can’t help but think about what Dave Tate always says about achieving success in anything. You have four categories: shit………………suck……………….good……………….great. Whether your goal is be the best trainer you can be, deadlift 500 lbs, or perfect your squat technique, the common denominator between each category is time (10,000 hours). Which begs the question, what have I spent 10,000 hours doing that would label me an expert? Lets see, um…..

1. Playing Stratego with my Lord of the Rings action figures

2. Watching Star Wars alone on a Friday night

3. Looking up images of Padma Lakshmi

4. Not getting laid. Weird, I know!

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Woman Gains Weight. Trainer Is a Nimrod.

I’ve heard a lot of asinine stuff in my time. My short list includes:

1. High protein diets will make your kidneys explode.

2. Protein powder will kill you (note to readers: as promised, I’ll be writing about protein powder supplements later this week).

3. One’s knees should never project over their toes will exercising.

4. Christian Slater is totally believable as a tough as nails multilingual operative who kicks major ass in the show My Own Worst Enemy. Two words: show canceled, bitches. Okay, that was three words. Whatever.

I thought I heard it all. That is till last week, when I received an e-mail from a female client of mine. Long story short, she’s a distance coaching client and was just checking in to fill me in on her progress. She also mentioned to me that she finally got her sister to start training and that she was making great progress as well; to the tune of five lbs of muscle gain while LOSING roughly five inches off her waist. Awesome. Here’s what my client’s sister’s trainer (I think that makes sense) had to say about her weight gain. Warning: your brain may actually hate you for what you’re about to read.

“……although some of that is muscle, you also have to take into account that when you gain muscle and get in shape, your blood actually will weigh more because it’s more highly oxygenated.”

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

Wow. If that’s not a nuclear bomb of bullshit sauce, then I don’t know what is. Is this guy serious? I’ve put a great deal of thought into how I would respond to this statement (3 seconds), and here it is.

He does realize that women lose blood every month when they menstruate, right? He also realizes that the more muscle one has, the more glycogen they can store, right? As well, he must understand that oxygen doesn’t weigh freakin five pounds! Surely, that’s just common sense, correct? I understand that he wasn’t saying that the highly oxygenated blood accounted for all of her weight gain. But to suggest that it accounted for even the slightest bit of weight gain (or anything significant) is downright absurd. I mean, he could have said something completely looney, like, adding Unicorn tears to my mom’s lasagna will make it carb-free, and I’d believe that over the crap he mentioned above.

That being said, lets open up the floodgates. I’m sure many of you have some “what tha……..is (s)he serious?” stories. Feel free to share them below. This should be fun.

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Blah Blah Blah “Stop Doing Sit-Ups.” Blah Blah Blah. Is Anyone Listening?

Long story short, I trained at Hell-on-Earth Bally Total Fitness over the weekend, and in doing so, it reminded me just how lucky I am that I train at my own facility. You can only imagine all the things I saw that made me want to light my face on fire while I was there: the 6-3, 150 lb guy performing squats on a BOSU ball, the trainer taking his overweight female client through a series of “hip circles” followed by the seated ADD/AB-duction machines, and lets not forget all the dudes who walked around with their invisible water jugs between their arms (otherwise known as ILS: Inflated Lat Syndrome).

All that being said, nothing was more cringe worthy than all the people I saw performing endless repetitions of sit-ups as part of their workout. It still amazes me that people think there is any benefit to performing them. To be honest, I can think of a host of other things that would be more beneficial:

1. Cirrhosis of the liver

2. A nuclear holocaust

3. Four more years of Bush

4. Getting kicked in the balls, repeatedly

5. Another Sex and the City movie

I haven’t programmed a “sit-up” for any of my clients in well over three years, and they’re essentially banned from Cressey Performance. In the past, I’ve explained why I’m not a fan of sit-ups/crunches, so I won’t belabor the point here. Cliff Notes version (professional explanation): when one performs a sit-up and/or crunch, they’re essentially pulling the sternum closer to the pelvis hundreds, if not thousands of times, promoting a kyphotic posture (rounded back). Cliff Notes version (my explanation): they suck.

Furthermore, in Low Back Disorders: Evidence-based Prevention and Rehabilitation, Dr. Stuart McGill notes that the traditional sit-up imposes approximately 3300 N (about 730 lb) of compression on the spine. Incidentally, the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health (NIOSH) has set the action limit for low back compression at 3300 N; repetitive loading above this level is linked with higher injury rates in workers, yet this is imposed on the spine with each repetition of the sit-up! Hello people?!?!?!?! Stop doing freakin sit-ups, for the love of all that is holy.

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Hot Chicks + Chairs = Nobel Prize Worthy Fat Loss (That’s What I Like To Call Math People)

I am so conflicted today. If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you know that when it comes to women and fitness I hate buzz words like tone, sculpt, or anything to do with Tracy Anderson. Moreover, the whole idea that women are these delicate creatures that shouldn’t lift anything more than a pink dumbbell (for fear of getting big and bulky) is just plain absurd in my opinion.

That being said, under normal circumstances what I am about to show you would typically make me want to slam heroine directly into my eyes. But dammit, I have a penis and sometimes I have to give credit when credit is due.

*CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP. Tear rolls down cheek. CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP. So confused. CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP. Doesn’t this do nothing but glorify women as sex objects? CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP. And come on, are they serious that they think this is a bonafide way to improve strength? CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP. All someone needs is a chair and a reason to tap into their inner slut to lose fat? CLAP CLAP CLAP. I think kitchen chairs are on sale at Target this week. CLAP CLAP. Which means Christmas shopping is so done. CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP. Who says I don’t understand women? CLAP CLAP *throws rose onto stage* CLAP CLAP. Encore, encore!

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Supplements Will Make You Swole/Yoked/Jacked. Or Something Like That.

I haven’t discussed supplements in quite some time, so I figured I might start a weekly discussion on them; maybe. Each week I’d like to pick a supplement and discuss it’s pros/cons/whether or not it will make chicks want to hang out with you, etc. Although I have to say that supplements are kind of a gray area with me. On one end, I recognize their efficacy and there are undoubtedly a handful that I highly recommend to people. Conversely, I do feel (generally speaking) they’re grossly over emphasized.

For instance, I can’t stand it when someone who is 20-40 lbs overweight and has the mobility of a pregnant pig starts asking me about glycerol and whether or not he should start taking it. What tha what? Here’s an idea, stop eating Arby’s everyday for lunch and go to the gym more than once a week. As Alwyn Cosgrove has stated time and time again, “supplements are progress enhancers, not progress starters.” Trust me, outside of some very specific circumstances (trying to get contest lean), if your current training/diet plan isn’t working, supplements aren’t going to help much.

That being said, if any of you would like to see me blog about any supplement in particular, let me know below. More than likely, I’ll do this for a few weeks and then get tired of it. You see I typically write my blogs in the morning, which is to say I’ll probably be too busy watching JC Monahan report the local weather. Which is to say I obviously could care less what the Dew Point is*.

Also, just a fair warning, the first person to ask about NO Explode gets a free one nut punch courtesy of yours truly.

*Sexy. Get it? She reports the weather and she’s hot. And weather people always report the dew point. Ergo, dew point=sexy. Stay classy Boston.

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Deadlift Troubleshooting and I’m Pretty Sure I Found My Future Wife (Sorry Jen from Saugus Hooters)

Q: I am having issues with my deadlift. No matter what I do it seems that I can never get my deadlift to 400 lbs and above (which is embarrassing). Currently, I am using your Rule of 90 Percent article and finding great gains in everything but the deadlift. Do you have any suggestions or a program that could help with my numbers? Thanks

A: I like lists, so for the sake of simplicity I’m just going to spew out some random thoughts in no particular order concerning this issue.

Side Note: Before I begin, just know that there are far worse things to be embarrassed about than not having a 400 lb deadlift. For instance, take this guy who is currently performing during open mic night here at the local Starbucks*. I don’t know whether I’m listening to a human being attempt to sing or listening to two whales try to rape each other. It’s a toss up.

1. How long have you actually been training (the right way)? Both Eric Cressey and myself have hit on this point before, but it bares repeating. Any healthy male under the age of 50 can (and should) be able to deadlift at least 400 lbs within two years of proper training.

I’m going to assume you’re under the age of 50 and that you’re “healthy.” So all that’s left to ask is whether or not you’ve been training properly given your goals. Can you look at the past two years of your training and honestly say that you’ve been doing everything right? Read: not being the guy who has a dedicated arm or rhombizoid** day? If not, then you have to be patient. It definitely sounds like you’re headed in the right direction. It’s just going to take time and some hard work. You’ll get there

2. Footware (or lack thereof). I hit on this point last week, but in a nutshell you should be deadlifting either barefoot or in Chuck Taylors. Click on the link if you don’t know why. It may or may not lead to free porn. It’s the risk you’re just going to have to take.

3. Leverages. Depending on your leverages, you may need to tweak your training so that you’re not working against your body.

For instance, those with a long torso and short limbs are going to be at a mechanical disadvantage for deadlifting. If this is you, then it stands to reason that you may have a hard time getting the bar off the floor. If that’s the case then a healthy dose of SUMO deadlifts (14% less ROM with this version) and speed pulls from a deficit are in order.

Conversely, those at the opposite end of the spectrum (short torso, long limbs), are typically well suited for the deadlift. In this case, most tend to stall out about one-half to two-thirds of the way up. Speed pulls (preferablywith some accommodating resistance; ie chains) and lots of glute activation work are in order here.

Additionally, for the long limbed lifter, I wouldn’t be opposed to adding in some heavy rack pulls in their programming as well. I know some people think there’s no carry-over to the deadlift, but I disagree. I have big arms, so I obviously I know what I’m talking about.

Moreover, regardless of which body type you are, don’t neglect the posterior chain. There are a plethora of exercises you can implement that will undoubtedly help improve your deadlift (pull-throughs, glute ham raises, single leg work, etc). Personally I have found that when I include goodmornings into my programming, my deadlift skyrockets.

4. Hot Chicks. And if all else fails, spend a good ten minutes looking at pictures of Italian actress Laura Torrisi.

If your t-levels don’t soar and you don’t beat your PR by at least 20 lbs afterwards, blame your penis and send that little booger to its room with no supper. And that means no X-box mister! I want you to think about what you’ve done. *slams door*

*Alright yes, I hang out at Starbucks occasionally when I want to get some writing done. Whatever. Just for the record, I’m not a coffee snob (I don’t even drink it), but I like to use the free WiFi and hang out in the lounge area. Which is to say there are a lot of hot Asian chicks.

**Note to the retarded guy who will e-mail to let me know there is no such thing as a rhombizoid. You’re a retard.