April Archives

From the Huffington Post:

Blame the economy?

The pricey gym Gwyneth Paltrow and trainer Tracey Anderson are opening this month in Tribeca may be having problems finding clients. A spy said Anderson – who’s also responsible for Madonna’s freakishly buff bod – and gym reps have been cold-calling people asking them to come in for a meeting. “It’s ridiculous,” said a person who was contacted. “Membership is like $4,500 to join and then hundreds of dollars a month. Who can afford that right now?”

Better yet, I’d like to know who in the hell is dumb enough to take training advice from someone who thinks there’s such a thing as an “inner bicep” muscle and names their children after pieces of fruit? I can only imagine what the sales pitch is like:

Random Patron: “Hi, I was thinking about joining your gym.”

Gwyneth Paltrow (GP): “Oh, you’ll love Snuffleupagus’ Tracy’s methods. She just has a way of figuring out how to make muscles do certain things. For example, she can make the rhomzipidus muscle shit jellybeans. It’s amazing. It’s kind of like magic. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think she was making stuff up. Hahahahaha”

Random Patron: “Um, okay. What else is included with the membership, it seems kind of expensive?”

GP: “Right, well, we offer various amenities. For starters, you get a free autographed Blu-ray of Shakespeare in Love. You also get a complimentary glass of cucumber water, a battery, and we also offer free childcare during your visit. My two little ones are there right now. Speaking of which, can you hold on a second………..

APPLE!!!! WATERMELON!!!!! If I have to come in there one more time, I swear to god I’m going to make your father sing to you till your ears bleed. Don’t think I won’t do it!”

As if opening an over-priced training studio wasn’t bad enough, a reader of my blog just sent me this link this morning from Dailymail.com:

Scarlett Johansson has enlisted the help of Gwyneth Paltrow’s personal trainer to shape up for her new film role.

The beautiful actress, who was once renowned for her hourglass curves, now does daily workouts with Gwyneth and fitness expert Tracy Anderson.

The Lost In Translation star has lost 14lbs – and at last month’s Moet & Chandon Tribute To Cinema party in London she was looking decidedly less voluptuous.

For those who missed it, let me repeat that last sentence……..SHE WAS LOOKING LESS VOLUPTUOUS. Goddamit Tracy Anderson!!!! It’s one thing to go out of your way to spread ridiculous myths like “no woman should ever lift a weight over 3 lbs,” and then try to populate this world with your army of Skeletors. That I can deal with. But when you start messing with Scarlett Johannson’s breasts, that’s where I draw the line. Why don’t you just spit on the American flag while you’re at it. I’ll take this to the United States Supreme Court if I have to. Someone get me Big Daddy Clarence Thomas on speed dial. This shit stops now.

Sorry I’ve been slacking on the blogging front as of late. I’m currently in the midst of searching for a new apartment, and it’s been about as much fun as a rectal exam. Needless to say it’s been taking up a lot of time and it’s not going quite as smoothly as I had hoped. I mean, like anyone in the market, I’m just looking for the perfect fit. Good neighborhood located near “stuff,” close to the subway, includes heat/hot-water, hardwood floors, and has a gold plated bathtub. You know, the basics.

Moving on, I don’t really have much to say today, but since this is a fitness blog, I’ll just leave you with an exercise you should be doing, but aren’t.

What Is It: X-Pulldowns

Who Did I Steal it From: Mike Boyle (thanks Mike!)

What Does It Do: Great way to work scapular stabilizers, as well as emphasize scapular retraction

Key Coaching Cues: Chest tall, chin tucked, keep shoulder blades pointed “down,” squeeze glutes, pull elbows down-towards the hips, make sure both feet are pointed forward.

UPDATE: Apartment search is officially over, bitches. Place is off the hook. It has running water, and a toaster! New address is

222 Rockhard Abs Boulevard

PO Box: WTFIHAVETODOMYOWNLAUNDRYNOW

Awesomeville, USA

Ladies?

Anyone who’s trained athletes, or “weekend warriors” for that matter, knows how important warming up is. In my experience, many trainees have no clue how to warm-up properly, and as a result, either dismiss it entirely or haphazardly go through a general cookie-cutter routine. Think about it- how does peddling on a bike for ten minutes followed by your standard, ho-hum hamstring stretch that you hold for 30 seconds in one position prepare you for the more dynamic nature of resistance training/sprinting/etc?

In case you couldn’t pick up on the sarcasm, it doesn’t. Thankfully, in the past few years we’ve had a handful of great products, most notably Magnificent Mobility and Inside-Out, that introduced us to the concept of dynamic flexibility. Most recently however, I came across another great product which does a fantastic job at discussing the importance of the warm-up; The Parisi Warm-Up Method.

Both Martin Rooney and Bill Parisi do a fantastic job at outlying how and why going through a proper warm-up is crucial as far as preparing athletes for running, jumping, and change of direction that takes place on the playing field. Likewise, they also recognize that for the average person who has the mobility of a batting cage, going through a dedicated warm-up/dynamic flexibility routine works wonders as far as improving basic biomotor skills such as speed, strength, power, flexibility, endurance, muscular coordination, and joint stabilization. In short, warming up is kind of a big deal.

Stuff I Liked: Superb production value. Thorough desciption of all exercises with slow motion review, as well as key points to remember/coaching cues. No cheesy porn-style music either which was a bonus. As an added incentive, there’s a detailed 10-15 minute demonstration of the coaching staff from Parisi Speed School taking their athletes through the entire warm-up, which I found very helpful.

Stuff I Disliked: Other than Martin Rooney making me feel like a girly man (the guy is a brick shit-house), there wasn’t much I didn’t like about the video. I guess I could be nit-picky and say that some (and by some I mean like 1-2) of the exercises/movements they demonstrated were a bit out-dated given some of the recent research on spinal range of motion. But like I said, that’s just being anal and it’s not that big of a deal.

All in all, I thought this was an awesome product and would highly recommend it to anyone who trains athletes and/or people who take their health/performance seriously. Check it out here.