I don’t have anything important to share other than a hilarious story involving my wife.
Anyone who’s had experience moving knows what an utter abysmal experience it can be. To me, moving is about as fun as diving into a ravine full of broken glass.
The boxes, the labels, maneuvering the calendar around, the figuring out what stays and what goes part, everything, it sucks.
Alas, it’s going to happen.
We move in a week and have been packing up our things the past several days. As it happens, there’s been no shortage of “ooo’s and ahhh’s” coming across things/items we haven’t laid eyes on in quite some time.
As an example I came home last Saturday and noticed Lisa (my wife) had a few of her MVP plaques from college (volleyball) on the dining room table.
Me (looking at the plaques): “Huh, I see 2000 and 1998. Who was the MVP in 1999?”
Lisa: “Me, I already put that one away.”
(cue uproarious laughter from me).
My wife could kick Sarah Connor’s ass…;o)
SOCIAL MEDIA SHENANIGANS
Twitter
Lifting heavy things = the ultimate bio-hack.
No one lives forever. But strength training is the OG fountain of youth.
Get outta here with that “I only eat every other Wednesday, and then only foods that start with the letter R” bullshit.
Pat Basil is the head S&C coach at Hamilton College and I have been really digging his content of late. He and I have crossed paths several times on social media and I love his perspective and approach to coaching. So much in fact that it prompted me to check out his stuff and I picked up a copy of his manual recently.
Full Disclosure: I get zero kickback for directing you toward this manual. I just genuinely enjoy pointing people toward excellent content.1
It was sad news to hear of John Meadows’ passing recently. I never met John in person, but it was unequivocally obvious how much of a genuine and kind person he was.
The world of bodybuilding and strength & conditioning will forever be in debt to John’s teachings and expertise. My good friend, Mike T. Nelson, recently dedicated an entire episode of his popular podcast to John.
Complimenting Others & Non-Confrontational Introvert Things
My last podcast exploits took me to Edmonton, Canada where I had a lovely conversation with Chris Liddle, host of The Lifestyle Chase Podcast.
Chris and I discussed elements of the health/fitness industry of course (my training, what I feel is a common mistake most fit pros make when trying to build an audience on social media, etc), but we also ventured off the beaten path and talked other things like why complimenting others (and giving credit) is kind of a big deal, as well as the gloriousness of being an introvert.
Success in the Fitness Industry: Reality vs. Expectations
People who know me well know how much I’m obsessed with movies. I enjoy reading about them (what’s coming out or on the horizon of coming out), debating them (what’s the better 1997 release: Boogie Nights or Good Will Hunting?), and whenever possible…
…watching them.
I’ll watch pretty much any genre – drama, horror, comedy, thriller, documentary, John Wick, anything.
However, what may be unexpected is how much of a fan of romantic comedies I am.
Notting Hill
You’ve Got Mail
Love Jones
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Put a girl in front of a boy (or boy in front of a girl; or boy in front of a boy; or girl in front of a girl), add some sexual tension, witty dialogue, & ensuing high jinks and I’m there.
(Added intrigue if somehow there’s ninjas and/or a threat of a nuclear holocaust involved).
NOTE TO SELF: Begin screenplay for When Harry Met Sally meets The Sum of All Fears (with a supporting comedic role provided by a Xenomorph XX121, you know, the alien from Alien).
That shit will just write itself.
One of my all-time favorites (and highly underrated) romantic comedies is (500) Days of Summer.
There’s much I love about the movie, but one thing that stands out is a scene right smack dab in the middle titled “expectations vs. reality.
In it, Tom (the protagonist) is meandering to a dinner party in the hopes of re-kindling a relationship with a recent ex (Summer).
The entire scene is shot as a split screen with one side of the television labeled expectations; or what Tom hopes to happen. A night where he & Summer flirt, are entrenched in captivating conversation, and, in fact, seemingly fall back into love.
Simultaneously, the other side of the screen showcases reality. A night where Tom and Summer exchange a few pleasantries, but in the end he’s off in the corner of the room sulking realizing Summer has moved on from their relationship, and he eventually walks home…
…alone.
GODDAMIT, who’s wearing the onion shirt around here?! I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING!
Anyway, I can’t help but notice a parallel theme in the fitness industry…
…an “Expectation vs. Reality” tug-of-war with regards to what REALLY yields success.
EXPECTATIONS: Many (not all) are intoxicated by the illusion that all you need to be “successful” is to have read a few books and to look the part.
REALITY: Success is an overlap of the x’s & o’s of program design, knowing your functional anatomy, and having general competency when it comes to exercise technique & execution, to name a few.
But too, a large, and necessary (and often eye rolled at) part of the cog is the soft skills of coaching:
✅ Developing Client Rapport
Getting results for the people who pay you to do so is an important component of this. I mean, if we’re looking to build trust & rapport with our clients this would seemingly be step #1. However, I’d make the case that before that can even happen it is important (nay, crucial) to go out of our way to plant the seeds of “CONNECTION” first.
Meaning, be more relatable, accessible, and approachable.
What does that even mean?
Seek out other avenues/interests that you have in common with your clients. I obviously use movies a fair bit to do this. But you can also bring music or television into the mix. Maybe you’re a dog lover or think turtle neck sweaters are cool?
Finding common likes/dislikes – outside of exercise – amongst your clients is a wonderful means of building rapport.
✅ Listening
Admittedly, this is a hard skill to learn; we all loving hearing the sound of our own voice. However, as a fitness professional having a keen sense of knowing when to shut the fuck up is imperative.
For example, whenever I have an initial assessment with a potential new client I go out of my way to have him/her do the bulk of the talking.
Early in my career I’d do the exact opposite and try to “win” conversations.
“Wait, wait, wait, hold on, wait. Did you just say you do a lot of cardio to flush out lactic acid from of your system? Well, actually, lactic acid isn’t an acid at all and is actually a beneficial source of energy for your muscles. It’s pretty common knowledge. Anyway, you were saying?”
In hindsight I can’t imagine how many clients I lost because I was trying to impress them with big words.
Today, I just keep (most) of my thoughts to myself and do a lot more listening than winning.
✅ Basic People Skills
Smile, say hello, look people in the eyes, show empathy, be punctual, write programs that actually cater to THEIR goals, check in with your clients during their session (how do they feel? do they feel the exercise where they’re supposed to be feeling it?), never undervalue the power of a non-obvious courtesy laugh (😉), and always provide a safe space and an overwhelming sense of unconditional positive regard.
Also, when in doubt…more Wu-Tang!
✅ Not Being an Uppity Douche
Self-explanatory.
And That’s That
I don’t care if you can deadlift a bulldozer or that you sleep with a copy of SuperTraining underneath your pillow. If you’re not taking the time to flex, hone, and enhance your soft skills as a coach you’ll never separate yourself from the masses.
There’s no set algorithm to gaining and building a larger audience.
It’s never been easier to be seen or heard in today’s world.
We have any number of avenues at our disposal (and fingers tips): podcasts, social media, blogs, YouTube, cute kitty pictures. They all work.
That said, it’s never been harder to get seen or heard.
Everyone is vying for everyone else’s attention and we’re surrounded by bright shiny objects; it’s growing harder and harder to focus our attention on any one thing or individual.
Today’s guest post by fitness business fixer-upper, Gavin McHale, sheds light on a component of lead generation that many fit pros fail to “cash in” on.
It’s been touted as one of the best movies of the 2010’s, starring Leo DiCaprio and Joseph Gordon Levitt and revolving around their ability to extract information through a shared dream world, literally stealing people’s dreams.
In the movie, Leo’s character is tasked with a near impossible job, implanting an idea into someone’s subconscious, also known as “inception.”
If you want your brain to turn into a pretzel after 2+ hours, go check it out.
Today, I’m going to teach you about audience hacking, or more professionally named, strategic partnerships… while hacking Tony’s audience.
Woooooooah.
In a World where it’s becoming more and more difficult to stand out – an online world that is packed, shoulder to shoulder with professionals trying to shout over one another and a consumer base so sick and tired of hearing it and unsure of who to listen to or why they should care about what most coaches are posting, this is the next wave of ‘organic’ marketing efforts.
So, let me start with my journey to get here:
In 2016, while still in the fitness industry, I attended a conference in Minneapolis, MN hosted by Tony and Dean Somerset
Note From TG: It was the Complete Shoulder & Hip Blueprint. I don’t want to put words into Gavin’s mouth, but I’m pretty sure it changed his life. You know how in the movie The Matrix when Morpheus gave Neo the choice to choose between the red pill and the blue one in and how that forever changed Neo’s life? Well, that’s what basically went down in Minnesota five years ago.2
I introduced myself to both Tony and Dean and had a real conversation, toeing the line of being a fanboy and a real human being (this was tough, not gonna lie)
Once I arrived home, I emailed Tony and asked if I could write an article on what we’d learned at the seminar for his blog (my first taste of sweet, sweet audience hacking). Let’s break down this offer:
This was a win for me, in that I got to speak to a much larger audience than mine
This was a win for Tony in that he got more great content, curated by him to provide to his audience
This was a win for his audience, in that they heard a different voice teaching a valuable lesson.
About 18 months later, through Tony, I connected with his wife, psychologist Dr. Lisa Lewis, when I needed to work through some personal issues.
That’s my boo (<— this is Tony speaking, not Gavin)
Then, when I shifted to business coaching and started my podcast in 2020, I invited Lisa to come on the show, knowing she had worked with my audience in the past. She, of course, crushed it. You can listen to that interview HERE.
Once Lisa’s episode released, I asked if she knew anyone who may be interested in joining the show and she recommended Tony. This is something I do with every guest, looking to have more great conversation and hoping to grow my own circle in the process
I was incredibly excited to interview someone with such a large audience, but I didn’t stop there
Of course, Tony and I had an awesome conversation – HERE – but who knows how many of you are willing to go listen to 60 minutes or more when you’re used to reading a blog
I recently reached out to Tony and pitched writing this article, knowing a big chunk of his audience is trainers
Here Are Some of the Key Takeaways Inside That 5 Year Timeline
1. Focus on Win-Win Relationships
This almost seems like it’s too easy, but I actually want to overstate this point.
Win-win relationships hinge on the fact that you both get something you feel is valuable out of the exchange. When you come into a potential relationship only thinking about what you can extract from it, I can guarantee you no one will win.
How did I do this with Tony and how can you do this with other influencers or possible referral sources in your space?
I had a real conversation with him.
Based on said conversation, I felt like there was a possibility I could help his audience and took a leap of faith in asking him (more on that later).
In other words, I came with a giving hand, knowing specifically what value I could provide to make Tony’s life easier.
But this doesn’t just apply to people whose audiences you’re trying to hack. Building relationships is the foundation upon which the fitness industry has been built and upon which you will soon want to build your marketing efforts.
How many of you have received an ice cold DM, punching you in the face with their pitch and bombarding you with questions before you even had a chance to tell them to beat it?
And just like I wouldn’t tell you to walk into a bar, buy a potential mate a drink and get down on one knee to propose, I won’t ever tell you to do that.
Conversations are an incredible way to build relationships, but there’s also the hidden benefit of consistently providing content kindling for you.
By starting conversations with as many people as you can; from fellow coaches to potential clients, you allow yourself to learn about their beliefs and struggles, and get a better glimpse into the mind of those you’re hoping to help.
I regularly start a dozen conversations a week, and while it very rarely goes directly from DM conversation to new client, it seems that is a non-negotiable process that has allowed us to earn as much income in the first half of 2021 as we did in all of 2020.
From my conversations, I’ve been able to:
Talk to 40+ new people on my podcast (most of whom I’ve never met in person)
Create content directly from what potential clients have said they’re struggling with
Create free mini-courses and resources that actually get people results (LINK)
Actually earn new clients (about 50% of our clients come from DM conversations)
So, ask yourself how you can start more conversations every single week and bring something valuable to the person you’re speaking to.
This really is the essence of service, isn’t it?
2. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask
I was scared shitless when I asked to write this article for Tony. I may have actually closed my eyes when I hit send.
Why?
Because I know he’s good friends and former business partners with Pete Dupuis, another excellent voice in the business mentorship space.
I also know he’s quite picky about what shows up on this blog and didn’t want to overstep my boundaries.
Finally, I didn’t know if he’d actually find what I had to say valuable.
Turns out, I was wrong.
And I would’ve never known that had I not asked.
I would’ve never known that had I not asked to guest blog in 2016, or asked Lisa on the podcast in 2020 or asked him on the podcast in 2021.
There’s a key piece that so many of us, as coaches, miss out on.
The simple, yet often scary act of asking.
Once you realize you can create a win-win for someone who serves a similar population, asking if you can provide value.
Once a potential client shows interest in your offer, asking if they want to learn more.
Once a prospect is on the phone and has told you their biggest problems, asking if they want to enroll.
Jeez, if you’ve ever been on a date in your life, you’ve had to ask, right?
But this is where so many people get tripped up, since they’re not willing to put themselves in a position where they may get rejected.
But know that hearing NO is not the opposite of hearing YES. In fact, hearing NO is often the only path to hearing YES more often.
I have heard countless NO’s when pitching blog articles and other free resources just like this one.
I have heard countless NO’s and been ghosted more times than I’d like to admit when having conversations with potential clients in the DMs.
And I’ve heard almost as many NO’s as I have YES’s on sales calls.
But asking is the only way you’ll ever know for sure.
3. Bring the Fire
This should go without saying, but make sure, whenever you are asked to deliver, that you bring the fucking fire.
If someone you deeply respect and look up to is on your podcast, leave them feeling great with a memorable conversation instead of just asking questions like a robot.
(Side note: I actually looked up Tony’s baseball stats and story and we had a great conversation around it).
Team pic from Tony’s Freshman year. Can you spot him?
If you’re given the green light to present to someone’s audience or clients, make sure you’re well prepared and provide good energy while presenting and answering questions.
And if you’re welcomed to a guest blog and they ask you to tie in a Wu Tang reference, you better start listening to some Wu Tang songs (Protect Ya’ Neck is probably about to wake my wife up as I write this).
SIDE NOTE (from Tony):I told Gavin that the only “rules” I had to writing a guest post for me was to 1) make it actionable (check), 2) keep it to ~1500 words or less (check), and 3) include a Wu-Tang Clan reference. I was kidding (but fuck yes, check)
So, while you can go about your days attempting to implant ideas into your potential clients’ subconscious brain, there’s a better way.
Use the relationships you’ve already created, add more value to them and find new connections, simply by asking.
And please, stop trying to shout louder like all your competitors. It’s not a good look and it’s only going to get more and more difficult.
About the Author
As a Kinesiology graduate, Gavin McHale quickly realized that following the traditional business model would lead to trading more time for more money.
Over the course of 8 years, Gavin built a 6-figure hybrid training business before founding the Maverick Coaching Academy in 2019.
Since then, Gavin has left the gym and gone all in helping other strength coaches build their businesses. He has made it his mission to fix the broken fitness industry and connect other amazing humans to the highest version of themselves.
Right off the bat some of you reading may be thinking to yourselves…
…”wait a second. Since when does Tony write about bench pressing? He’s awful at it and has gone out of his way numerous times to say how much he hates doing them.”
1. You’re not wrong. I am awful at benching.
2. Despite this annoying fact, I still do it.
3. However, hate is an aggressive term to use here:
Nazis? Yes.
That sense of utter doom & defeat I feel whenever a random stranger finds out what I do for a living and inevitably goes on a tear about how he/she just can’t seem to lose any weight? Uh, yep.
Admittedly, when it comes to the “big 3” – deadlift, squat, bench press – the latter has been the one exercise throughout my training career that I’ve been able to brag about the least on social media.
It’s hard to explain.
I’ve never been quite as enamored with the bench press as my fellow y-chromosome having brethren.
Actually, come to think of it: DNA makeup has nothing to do with anything. I know many women, my wife included, who love to bench press.
Mondays, while commonly referred to as “International Bench Press Day,” may as well be “National Tibialis Anterior Day” or, I don’t know, “National Share Your Favorite Kale Smoothie Recipe Day” if you ask me.
I can’t pinpoint my disdain, but if I had to choose a culprit, like, if you said to me “Tony, I am going to march over to your parents’ house in New York and burn your entire baseball card collection if you don’t give me a legitimate reason why you dislike the bench press” then I guess my scapegoat would be…
…..
….
…my leverages?
I have some long as arms.
Great for deadlifting; not so much for benching.
That said, I’m not a psychopath. I still including bench pressing in my training programs and while it’s nothing to brag about, certainly by powerlifting standards, I’ve been able to build up to a max of 315 lbs.
However, the more cogent talking point here is that I have many clients and athletes who, whether it’s from a performance standpoint or aesthetics, are very much interested in building their bench press.
I’m a coach and can do that…;o)
Step One is almost always going to be breaking down one’s set-up and having them pay more attention to that.
Step Two to building a better bench press is to ascertain where someone’s technique tends to breaks down and/or to address any weaknesses that may exist and then use that information to choose the appropriate accessory movements to utilize.
One drill I often use is the Spoto Press
The Spoto Press was popularized (and named after) bench press Captain America, Eric Spoto.
The premise is simple: You stop the barbell a few inches above your chest, pause for a second or two, and then press it back up to lockout.
Here’s what it looks like in action:
It’s also been referred to by other names:
1. Invisible Board Press
By those who are impeccable exercise name givers, and recognize its value as a bonafide bench press accessory movement.
2. Cheating
By those who are dorks and fail to realize that the guy whom it’s named after used it almost exclusively to build a 722 lb bench, unequipped.
Go ahead, please do inform Mr. Spoto how he’s cheating.
I’ll wait.
NOTE: The Spoto Press should NOT be confused with half reps. 99.2% of the time you see someone doing these in a commercial gym it’s because there’s too much weight on the bar and their ego can’t fathom taking some off.
Most have no idea who Eric Spoto is.
For all they know he’s their mom’s second cousin’s accountant’s pool guy.
Why I Like the Spoto Press
1. It Addresses Most Lifters’ Weak Area
Ask most lifters when they miss a bench press attempt WHERE they miss it, and you’ll likely hear a cacophony of “an inch or two off the chest.”
The Spoto Press forces people to spend more time in a ROM where they tend to be weakest. Moreover, it doesn’t allow you to utilize the “rebound effect” as you catapult the barbell off your rib cage…😉
2. Helps With Upper Back “Tightness”
A lot of lifters lose upper back tightness (arch) and their chest tends to cave in and their shoulders roll forward as they lower the barbell.
The Spoto Press is a good tool to help lifters learn to “meet the bar with their chest” rather than just haphazardly lowering it.
3. Great Option If Benching Bothers Your Shoulders
Assuming technique is not the issue, for anyone who’s shoulders tend to hate full-ROM bench pressing, this variation is often a stellar entry point for them.
4. Triceps!
Lastly, the Spoto Press is a damn good tricep builder. The triceps can be a weak link, especially toward lockout. This variation can help solve that
I spoke with He-Man about it. He concurs.
How to Implement It
I typically stay in the 60-80% of 1-rep max range with this exercise, and LOVE it for high(er) rep ranges. After your regular bench, follow that with 3-4 sets of 8-12 reps of Spoto Presses at 60-75%.
If you’re feeling extra motivated utilize a close grip. However, if you do so, err more on the side of conservative on that percentage scale.
Give them a try, I think you’ll dig them.
Strategic Strength Workshop – Philadelphia, PA (September 2021)
But if I would have titled it what I wanted to title it:
“That Time I “Fixed” Someone’s Squat In Five Minutes, BOO-YAH, God Damn I’m Good. And While I’m Here Bragging About Myself: Did I Ever Tell You About That Time I Almost Single Handedly Won the Sectional Championship For My High School Baseball Team Back in 1995? Oh, And I Made Out With a Girl Once.”
A Tale of Two Squat Patterns (But Seriously, Though: I Did Fix It In About Five Minutes
Last week I had a gentleman come to CORE for his initial assessment. After some initial back-and-forth and pleasantries we got into the topic of his training and injury history. He had noted that he had never really participated in strength training before and after digging a bit further he also noted that he’d had a history of chronic lower back pain (L3-L4).
Most people can commiserate.
A vast majority reading these words right now have likely experienced some form of low-back pain in their lifetime.
(raises hand)
It’s never fun and can leave most people in a seemingly never-ending state of frustration and despair. In dealing with many people in the same predicament throughout my career as a coach & personal trainer my goal during their initial session isn’t to spend it telling them how much of a walking ball of dysfunction they are.
Rather, my objective is to take them through a few rudimentary screens, watch them move, see if anything exacerbates their symptoms, and if so, modify things to see if we can reduce them.
Low back pain is very common and has myriad of root causes:
✅ Tight this
✅ Overactive that
✅ Inactivity
✅ Aberrant movement patterns
✅ Losing a street fight to Jason Bourne
✅ It’s Tuesday
Whatever.
It’s rarely ONE thing, which makes it altogether impossible to look someone in the eyes and say, definitively, “x is why your back hurts.”3
Which is why I prefer to get people moving during their assessment.
It’s easier for me to ascertain and glean a larger picture of things when I can watch someone show me their movement strategies through a variety of tasks.
Don’t get me wrong: I’ll perform several screens on an assessment table: Thomas Test, Craig’s Test, Slump Test, active vs. passive ROM, etc.
However, I also believe it’s important (if not crucial) to get them off the table and have them demonstrate to me how they choose to move.
It’s simply more information.
Without any prompting from me (I didn’t want to coach him on how to perform the “test”) here’s what my client’s squat pattern looked like:
Before
Notice how he immediately “falls” into an aggressive anterior pelvic tilt as a descends toward the floor? Likewise, notice the speed or lack of control as he lowers to the ground?
Furthermore, notice anything as he finishes at the top and “locks out” his hips?
He hyperextends his lower back.
I.e., he finishes with LUMBAR extension rather than HIP extension.
I had him watch the same video above and then broke down in more detail everything I explained here (and that my suspicions were that those may be the culprit of his low-back woes).
I then spent a few minutes breaking down some simple “squat technique tenets” I like to pass along when breaking down the movement with clients.
✅ We talked about foot pressure and corkscrewing his feet into the ground (to help ramp up torque in the hips).
✅ We also discussed the abdominal brace.
✅ I broke down the canister position and how that’s ideal (rib cage down and stacked over the hips)
✅ I reiterated that the squat is equal parts breaking with the hips & knees simultaneously so the net result is squatting DOWN, not BACK.4
✅ I wanted him to think about “pulling” himself down toward the floor rather than falling.
✅ Lastly, I encouraged him to “finish tall” at top; to squeeze his glutes (lightly) rather than ramming his hips forward.
Five minutes later this happened:
After
By no means was it a perfect squat (does that even exist?), but that wasn’t what I was after.
I was seeking PROGRESS.
And I think we achieved that.
Here’s a top (before)/down (after) comparison:
The bigger indicator, though, was that he had zero pain while squatting after these minor tweaks to his technique were made. And it didn’t take me giving him a laundry list of “corrective exercises” in order to “fix” it.
Sure, I could have told him to foam roll for 37 minutes and stretch his hip flexors, followed by an abyss of varying glute medius exercises…
…and he likely would have felt better as well.
However, we wouldn’t have really addressed anything.
In short: Help people find their trainable menu. COACH them. Show them what they CAN do, rather than barking at them what they can’t.
It’s been over 18 months since I’ve announced any IN-PERSON workshops. I’m elated to announce that I am coming to Philadelphia to put on my 1-day Strategic Strength Workshop
*Cue the trumpets*
My friends at Warhorse Barbell Club have agreed to host and I am so pumped.
The event will be in late September and you can take advantage of the early bird rate up until September 1st. For all the details and to register you can go HERE.
Hope to see you there!
SOCIAL MEDIA SHENANIGANS
Twitter
Twitter: The place where people who haven’t participated in anything athletic since Little League wax poetic about Olympians who have more athleticism in their pinky finger than pretty much everyone.
See those two teeny-tiny yellow arrows in the picture above? That’s what Dean is referring to in this practical post on how you can improve you bench pressing prowess.
It’s a common mistake and one I see often with lifters who come to my studio complaining their shoulder hurts whenever they press.
Most people would rather jump into a live volcano that be told to count their calories. While it’s a necessary evil for many, another popular (less annoying?) option is the concept of “intuitive eating.”
Like with anything there’s a learning curve and it takes practice, but it’s something that works well for a lot of people (including myself).
Do you recall a few years ago when (then) NYC Mayor, Michael Bloomberg, initiated a proposed ban on the sale of large-sized sugar-sweetened beverages such as sodas, sweetened teas and coffees, as well as energy and “fruit” drinks?
The Big Gulp Experiment
The idea was that by prohibiting restaurants, delis, sports arenas, movie theaters, and food carts from selling sugary beverages larger than 16 oz – with a hefty fine of $200 for failing to downsize – people would be less inclined to drink copious amounts of said beverages.
What’s more, they’d be healthier, happier, smile, and say “good morning” as they passed one another on the street5
It worked, right?
People stopped drinking those ginormous ‘Big Gulps’ and instead starting crushing almond milk kale smoothies laced with organic acai berries harvested from a unicorn’s rectum (<– I’ve been told they’re super delish).
Um, no…it didn’t work.
First: We’re talking about NYC here folks. A lovely city by most counts, full of diversity, sports, art, music, fashion, food, and an obsession with hip-hop loving dead Presidents.
Second: People in general, whether we’re referring to NYC or not, hate being told what they can and cannot do.
When this happens, we revolt.
Just look at teenagers. We tell them not to drink alcohol and not to have sex and we usually end up with more costly and less than ideal consequences.
In much the same way, the soda experiment didn’t work.
Consumption of sugary beverages DOUBLED!
Why?
It’s a topic I first heard a handful of years ago from Dr. Gnel Gabrielyan of Cornell University’s PHENOMENAL Food & Brand Lab.
In short, he brought up a litany of valid points with regards to our food biases and how (ir)rational we tend to be when it comes to the decisions we make.
Let’s just say the food industry is sneaky and shady as f*** when it comes to marketing their products. Portion distortion and how that interplays with recommended serving sizes comes to mind here.
Likewise, ever notice how many sugary cereals have their characters looking down?
Do you know why?
It’s to target the kids looking UP at the shelves. They feel the character on the box is looking at them.
“Tell your mom to buy me little Johnny. No, beg her. Fall to the ground and scream and flail your legs until she submits. Do it. DOOOOOOOOO It.”
I mean, talk about brilliant marketing.
However, one point I remember Dr. Gabrielyan highlighting – which I felt helped explained the phenomena of what happened during the soda experiment above (and why it failed so miserably) – is the concept of REACTANCE.
“Reactance is a motivational reaction to offers, persons, rules, or regulations that threaten or eliminate specific behavioral freedoms. Reactance occurs when a person feels that someone or something is taking away his or her choices or limiting the range of alternatives.”
Basically, you tell someone that they can’t do “x” or that they have to do “y,” and they’re going to get a little irritated.
Possibly punch you in the face. Who knows.
Framing
Another point Dr. Gabrielyan touched on was the idea of framing.
“The framing effect is an example of cognitive bias, in which people react to a particular choice in different ways depending on how it is presented; e.g. as a loss or as a gain.”
A quintessential example of framing would be the North Dakota Wine Experiment.
117 Diners; Pre-fix meal of $21.
All diners given the SAME wine, but with two labels. One marked “Wine from California” and one marked “Wine from North Dakota.”
Post Meal Measures: People rate “California Wine” as tasting better than “North Dakota” wine and believe that the food served with the California wine tastes better too.
How we “frame” a product or service can absolutely effect its perception by the consumer.
Priming
Another Jedi mind-trick to consider when attempting to change people’s perceptions or behaviors is the concept of priming.
“Priming is an implicit memory effect in which exposure to one stimulus (i.e., perceptual pattern) influences the response to another stimulus.”
While a bit sensationalistic, here’s a good example from the Will Smith movie, Focus:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwS68ixemAQ
Another great example of priming people is a well-known grocery store study whereupon the premise was this: Can exposure to healthy samples lead to healthier shopping?
118 participants at a large grocery store.
Conditions: Apple sample, cookie sample, no sample.
Amount spent on fruits and vegetables then recorded.
No surprise: people receiving an apple sample spent more money on fruits and vegetables.
Note to self: Figure out ways to “prime” my wife into buying me an Xbox for Xmas this year.
Even cooler (and bringing this whole conversation full circle), another well-known and relevant study to bring to light is one where participants were given a carrot prior to sitting down to eat at a restaurant to see if it would increase the likelihood of them making “healthier” good choices.
It didn’t go quite as planned, because, as we learned above, people don’t like being told what to do, and more to the point, people like CHOICES.
Not many people accepted the carrot(s).
The next layer to the study was to then offer participants a choice of either a carrot or celery.
Ding, ding, ding…..success.
More participants grabbed a vegetable prior to sitting down to dinner and subsequently were “primed” to ingest more vegetables at dinner.
How Can We Frame & Prime Our Clients?
As personal trainers and coaches, anything we can do to set our clients up for a higher rate of success and enjoyment in their training, the better.
Some Suggestions
1) Allow your clients to choose their main lift of the day. Squats or deadlifts?
2) Allow them to choose the variation of the lift: Back Squat vs. Front Squat? Sumo Deadlift vs. Trap Bar Deadlift?
3) Allow them to choose their mode of exercise: Barbells only? Kettlebells? Maybe they dig Landmine exercises?
4) I often like to give my clients a window at the end of their training session to do whatever they heck they want. If they want to thrash their biceps, go for it. Add in some additional glute work? Go! Push the Prowler around (you psycho), have at it. Turkish get-ups dressed as He-Man? Whatever floats your boat, dude.
4) Here’s a cool trick I did with one of my female clients this week to “prime” her into lifting more weight. After a “top set” of deadlifts I was like “that looked awesome. Easy! Wanna maybe add 5-10 lbs and up the ante on your next set?”
I gave her the choice to stay put or go heavier. Either way it was a win, but she chose correctly…and added weight.
[Cue evil strength coach laugh here]
Giving your clients a sense of autonomy and control over their own training is a powerful tool in their long-term success.
Don’t get me wrong, you should still be the boss. They’ve entrusted you to coach them and write programming that best fits their needs and goals.
However, it’s never a bad thing to give them a little of what THEY want.
A Successful Career In Fitness: An Appearance on the Breaking Muscle Podcast
I had the delightful opportunity to be invited onto the Breaking Muscle Podcast hosted by Tom MacCormick recently.
Highlights of the conversation include:
Owning your own gym is not the gold standard for success in the fitness industry.
There are other career paths you can follow to have a fulfilling and financially rewarding fitness career.
How I developed education workshops during the pandemic.
How I suffer from imposter syndrome occasionally despite having presented worldwide, training countless elite athletes, and being featured in numerous publications.
Why I feel keto & kipping pull-ups are the key to consistent and long-lasting results.
The fuck outta here. You know I’m just kidding on that last one…😂
Nonetheless, I thoroughly enjoyed doing this episode and I hope you check out out (links to Spotify, iTunes, etc below):
Venn diagrams can be a very useful tool to help illustrate the relationships amongst a finite group of things. Circles that overlap have a commonality while circles that don’t overlap do not share those traits.
Let’s use the fitness industry as an example.
“Success” as a fitness professional can be broken down like this:
LOL – Just kidding.
It’s actually more like this (overly simplified, of course, for brevity’s sake):
There’s no shortage of resources out there highlighting the stuff on the left. It only makes sense that a personal trainer knows how to coach a squat or that they can differentiate one’s ass from their acetabulum, and there’s an abyss of ways to gather and learn that information.
On the right side, however, things becomes a bit more convoluted. Those things are less talked about and as a result are harder to learn (much less appreciate their importance).
Today’s guest post by Michigan based fitness trainer, Alex McBrairty, highlights the right-hand side. I promise you that if you’re a fitness professional this information is relevant and will undoubtedly help you grow your business.
How the “Friendship Formula” Can Enhance Your Fitness Business
Clients work with coaches who they enjoy being around.
At the end of the day, most clients don’t know the difference between good advice and bad advice, but they can tell the difference between having a good experience or a bad one.
Providing a good experience boils down to being able to connect with your clients.
But do you know how to connect with clients in a meaningful way, one that shows them you care and have their best interests at heart? The purpose of this article is to help you understand the psychological foundations for connecting with others. This process involves more than small talk and having the courage to go out and meet others.
Fortunately, the art of human connection can be broken down into a relatively simple formula.
We’ll call it, “The Friendship Formula.”
There are three core components of this formula: familiarity, likability, and vulnerability. Each component fulfills a particular role, creating a feedback loop that allows the relationship to reinforce and strengthen over time. If you learn how to implement this process like any other system in your business, you can attract and sign more clients, improve retention rates, and build a thriving coaching business helping people.
Familiarity
In 1950, researchers studied the community life of a group of veterans living in the same housing complex [1]. The results they found were surprising. One of the best predictors of closeness between individuals was their physical proximity to one another.
This same effect was repeated in another study completed in 1967 measuring the social interactions and relationships among college freshmen sharing the same dorm. Physical proximity was again a strong predictor of the strength of closeness between students—roommates were most likely to become friends, followed by neighbors immediately next door, then neighbors down the hall, then lastly by neighbors on a separate floor [2].
Proximity Principle
The proximity principle is the idea that mere physical closeness increases interpersonal attraction. In other words, repeated physical exposure to the same people increases the likelihood that you will become friends. This is due in part to the mere exposure effect and the attribution of perceived similarities (more on this in a bit).
Mere Exposure Effect
Another psychological phenomenon that supports the benefit of physical proximity is the mere exposure effect. This states that we tend to prefer things that are more familiar to us.
Think of your favorite comfort foods.
Likely you consumed these foods often as a child, and it is this familiarity that creates your sense of comfort upon re-experiencing them.
Additionally, studies have shown that we even prefer words that we hear more often [3]. If the proximity principle sets you up for increased familiarity, the mere exposure effect comes in for the alley-oop to allow this familiarity to breed into increased positive emotions toward you. Combined, they set the stage for a new connection to blossom.
Christina Abbey, an online fitness coach, understands how to create this proximity and exposure on the gym floor. Whether she’s training clients, performing her own workouts, or just being available to socialize, she makes sure she is visible to other gym patrons.
As Abbey said, “People like what they are familiar with. If they constantly see you crushing your workouts and being a positive motivator to others, you will be the obvious choice when they’re ready to ask for help.”
The first step in creating new connections with other people is to ensure you are being repeatedly exposed to them. Being seen on the gym floor, attending parties and events they might also be attending, participating in similar activities, and being generally as visible as possible leads to this familiarity.
This could also include online visibility—via social media posts and interactions.
Andrew Coates, fitness coach, writer, and host of the “Lift Free and Diet Hard” podcast, is a big supporter of creating this familiarity via a strong social media presence. Coates suggests being consistent on your platform, following and interacting with your followers, and regularly sharing high-value content. Combining those elements creates a sense of “being around,” which can breed that familiarity with you and your work that can draw in potential clients.
Likability
The second component of creating new relationships is establishing likability. People won’t want to be around you, nor give you their money, unless they like you. Being liked is so important, in fact, that Dr. Robert Cialdini identified it as one of the six principles of persuasion in his book, Influence.
Note From Tony: I shoulda included a picture of the book Influence here, but decided on Gizmo instead; one of the most likable creatures ever. EVER!
There are two core concepts important to understanding how to create likability: similarity and reciprocity (another of those persuasion principles).
Perceived and Actual Similarities
The power of the proximity principle lies in our assumptions about others. When we come into frequent contact with the same people, we often assume we have more things in common than that which is immediately evident. These perceived similarities lead to a greater sense of liking.
This occurs for a few reasons.
First, we craft our own self-identity, at least in part, by those we choose to associate with. This is called social identity theory. If we maintain a particular view about who we are as a person, we are more likely to self-select individuals who support that view—people who hold similar interests, personality traits, and world views [5]. We like those similar to us because they prove that we are who we think we are.
The second factor that leads to our favorability toward similar others is that it makes the relationship easier to maintain. When we become friends with individuals who carry wildly different views, or behave in very different ways, it exposes us to a greater likelihood of potential conflict with these individuals.
For example, imagine a trainer who took a drill sergeant approach, and a client who responded best to positive affirmations.
These differences would increase the likelihood of conflicts arising in the future. The coach’s lack of positive regard actively discourages the client instead of giving them the push that the coach expects. Now the coach wrongfully believes the client is unmotivated, and the client believes that the coach simply doesn’t care enough to acknowledge them. Befriending those different from us exposes us to these potential disagreements.
Therefore, if you want to give yourself an edge in establishing bonds with new people, work to identify and reinforce any similarities that might exist. This could include values, hobbies, food preferences, even favorite book genres; the possibilities are endless.
Looking at Coates’ towering figure, you wouldn’t immediately know that he’s an avid fan of fantasy fiction, comic books, and video games. These hobbies allow him to connect with individuals who share those interests, even when they might have little else in common. As Coates put it, loving “nerd culture” before it was cool doesn’t always align with growing up active, so his shared interest in that material allows him to connect better with this audience.
Tony Gentilcore, CSCS, has worked with everyone from powerlifters, figure competitors, moms, CEOs of big companies, and everyone in between. Gentilcore takes a two-tiered approach to finding similarities with his clients.
The first is to focus on the fact that both he and his clients are there to get the best results possible for the client. In other words, they’re both playing for the same team. (This focus on teamwork can also help create shared experiences. More on that in a minute.)
His second strategy is to ask about movies. In fact, Gentilcore includes a question in his intake asking new clients to share their favorite movie. As he says, “It serves as a nice ice-breaker. And on the off-chance that there’s awkward silence at any point during one of their initial sessions, I can always bring it up: ‘So, John, Eyes Wide Shut huh? what’s your favorite scene?’”
Fidelio. Cue awkward silence.
Even if there aren’t any immediately identifiable similarities between you and another person, you can almost always find some sort of shared interest or aspect of your backgrounds if you dig deep enough. Let your natural curiosity take over and explore the interests of others.
Reciprocal Liking
We have an inherent need to both act fairly and be treated fairly. As a result, whenever someone does something for us, be it a favor or giving a gift, we have a tendency to want to repay the giver in kind. Usually this is completed through a favor completed at a later time or a gift given in exchange. This effect also extends to our relationships with others.
When it becomes clear that others like us, we feel compelled to reciprocate by liking them in return [4], a concept referred to as reciprocal liking. Therefore, if you want to create new relationships with others, start by showing your liking toward them. In exchange, they will likely take a more favorable view toward you and be more open to establishing a relationship.
One simple way to create reciprocal liking is to tell your clients explicitly and regularly that you appreciate their business and truly enjoy working with them. This approach has such a big pay-off that it’s astonishing more professionals don’t do it as a consistent part of their practice. (And if you don’t enjoy working with them, you have a different kind of problem and may need to reevaluate what you’re doing on a bigger scale.)
Even if you seemingly have nothing in common during your first interactions (you can’t readily find any similarities), let your curiosity take over.
The best way to demonstrate liking and be interesting is to be interested.
Inquire into their interests and other areas of pride. Ask meaningful questions that allow you to learn more about the individual whom you’d like to create a connection with. Surely, if you are truly curious, you will eventually find something you have in common. You might even create a new shared interest that didn’t exist before.
In fact, this is one of Abbey’s favorite parts of the job:
“It’s a unique experience to not only work with people from all walks of life but to build relationships and connect with them over time.” She admits that sometimes it’s harder to find these similar interests. In these situations, she uses as many clues as she can, “T-shirts can give you a huge insight about what people are into. Places they’ve been, events they attended, or bands they love. If you are really listening, then you’ll likely discover at least one thing you have in common.”
When Mike Doehla, founder of Stronger U Nutrition, started his company, he had no idea about entrepreneurship or running a business. Two of his early clients were involved in multiple businesses in his area, and through them he began to learn more about it.
Because of them, Doehla eventually made the decision to quit his day job and focus on building Stronger U full-time.
I guess you could say that was a good choice, given that Stronger U has now helped tens of thousands of clients across the globe. Doehla’s interest in entrepreneurship remains. He’s gone on to be involved in seven other businesses and constantly reads about the subject. His passion for entrepreneurship started because he wanted to learn more about his clients.
Being regularly visible to and present with those you’d like to befriend increases your familiarity to them, which, in turn, improves your likability and their potential desire to want to connect with you. Building on shared connections and expressing your genuine appreciation for your clients further enhances your likability.
Both of these factors are relatively superficial, however, and while important for initially establishing a relationship, by themselves they are not sufficient to cultivate deeper bonds. For that more enduring connection, you’ll need to create vulnerability in order to develop closeness and trust.
Vulnerability
Vulnerability is defined as a state of being that exposes us to the possibility of being hurt or harmed, either physically or emotionally.
Being vulnerable in a relationship involves sharing our biggest dreams, our deepest fears, our greatest joys and our worst pain. This act of complete openness is often avoided by so many simply because of the risks of this exposure. By giving this information to another person, we give them the power to do us harm.
Yet, while it may seem so hard to be vulnerable with another person—especially someone we don’t know very well—research has shown that this vulnerability is actually the key to creating deep, meaningful relationships with others [6].
The Power of Shared Experiences
Why does vulnerability do such an excellent job of bringing people together into meaningful relationships? At least part of the effect can be explained by concepts presented by Sebastian Junger in his book, Tribe (and his ideas are supported by prevailing research).
The connectedness created through vulnerability is established because we bond best through shared emotional experiences with others, both positive and negative [7,8]. The ability to identify these shared experiences—through the openness created from being vulnerable—is what allows the connectedness of the relationship to solidify.
Mike Doehla knows how important these shared experiences are. In his work, the topic of cancer comes up and causes quite a disruption in clients’ emotional state and focus. As Doehla put it, “The last thing on people’s minds after a cancer diagnosis, or death, is what they’re going to eat. I’m a pretty open dude, so I would share my story often.”
The story he’s referring to is about losing his mom to cancer when he was just 23 years old.
“When I lost my mom, nothing else mattered, especially eating well. I wanted my clients to understand I could relate, and I knew what was most important in that moment. And it wasn’t the food. It was the family and the feelings. In these situations, I would always make sure people knew I was here and I did not expect perfection of any kind. I was just a shoulder they could lean on who could help minimize extra stressors if they needed it.”
Gentilcore is unbashful when it comes to discussing his personal journey with mental health and how he still routinely speaks to a therapist on a monthly basis. He sees how society prides itself in our ability to bottle up and compartmentalize our thoughts and feelings, and his openness can sometimes take clients by surprise.
“I often bring up my past bouts with depression with clients (when appropriate), if for no other reason than to emphasize how helpful it was for me that I started seeing a therapist. My thought is that if I am open about my experiences, then maybe it’ll be enough of a nudge to encourage a client of mine to seek out help if he or she needs it.”
Not only does sharing their stories create a shared emotional experience between each of these trainers and their respective clients, but their clients likely feel heard and validated, too—the opposite of being judged. When you can express your humanity, your clients will feel valued and cared for.
There is no better customer service strategy.
Empathetic Balance
While vulnerability appears to be the most important factor in creating closeness with others, proper judgment should be used when deciding when it is appropriate to share these experiences and feelings. Creating shared experiences allows us to empathize with others—the ability to feel the emotions they feel.
This means we can feel the positive emotions expressed by others, but it also means we will experience the negative emotions, too. If you are overly sharing your negative experiences and feelings with others, it can have the opposite intended effect by causing others to avoid future social interactions with you because they don’t want to be drawn into your negative energy.
If you are constantly “dampening the mood,” others will seek to avoid your company.
Think about what happens when a client upsets this balance with their constant negativity. Abbey and Coates agree that if this negativity becomes too great, the best course of action is to refer out or otherwise get rid of the client. Doing so can protect your energy and allow you to be more positive toward the other clients in your care.
Imagine if the situation were reversed?
A trainer who brings too much negativity is going to repel clients.
It is important, then, to not only use vulnerability as a tool to deepen relationships, but also to balance negative openness with positive openness—sharing your dreams, aspirations, and joyful experiences in addition to your fears and bad experiences.
Strategic Vulnerability
When considering when to create these shared experiences using vulnerability, remember the two most important factors: relevancy and empathetic balance.
You should share moments of vulnerability as they become relevant to the conversation, seeking to balance positive and negative experiences. Additionally, make sure the conversation remains directed to your client.
Disordered eating is something that most people never seek professional help for. Knowing this, as soon as Abbey’s clients begin to show signs of disordered eating, she uses that moment to open up about her own struggles with disordered eating.
Her goal in sharing her experience is first to let them know that they are not alone and shouldn’t feel ashamed.
Additionally, it’s to help them feel validated and encouraged to seek help from a registered dietician as well as support from people they trust. Opening up about her own struggles is a very personal subject, but it opens the door to creating deep bonds with many of her clients.
It takes a certain level of bravery to open yourself up to someone else.
Your client may not always be the first to share.
You may find yourself being vulnerable without an immediate return of vulnerability from the other person. This is normal and may just mean they need more time to feel comfortable. Fortunately, this doesn’t necessarily mean your openness was in vain. Once you’ve experienced your first offering of vulnerability, you have introduced a newer, stronger level of familiarity—which will breed greater likability and future moments of vulnerability.
Bringing It All Together
You now have the tools to better connect with current and future clients. Yet, there is one imperative piece of the puzzle missing that you must supply: a genuine interest in wanting to connect with others.
Most people are very aware when someone is being fake, and faking any of these steps can lead to disaster. You must be genuinely curious about others and want to make a connection with them in a real, authentic way.
Also consider that once a connection is established, it requires work to maintain. You must continually traverse this loop so long as you want to prevent the relationship from going stale.
Think of close childhood friends whom you no longer visit frequently. You’ve likely been very familiar, liked, and vulnerable with them during periods of your life. Now that you’ve grown apart, the relationship is not as close as it once was. This can happen to any relationship, even those with the closest of friends and loved ones, let alone your clients, without the proper care and attention it deserves.
You can use this formula again and again to reach and connect with more people. With this knowledge, you are better prepared to build new relationships to boost your client roster and retention rates. Building strong relationships will inevitably lead to greater success in your business.
About the Author
Alex McBrairty is an online fitness coach who owns A-Team Fitness in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Obese as a child and teenager, he blends fitness and psychology to help his clients discover their own hidden potential.
He has a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of Michigan and is certified by the National Academy of Sports Medicine.
His articles have appeared in Breaking Muscle and The Personal Trainer Development Center, and he’s contributed to Muscle & Fitness, USA Today, Men’s Fitness, and Prevention.
