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UPDATE: OMGNEVERAGAIN

I know I said I was going to report back yesterday after my little field trip, and I’m truly sorry I left all of you hanging. While I had every intention of letting all of you know that I DID NOT throw myself in front of the 83 bus (I was close, however), I happened to come across this article ,and then spent the better half of the afternoon compiling my list of actresses that I think should replace Bag of Bones Angelina Jolie as the next Laura Croft.

My Short List:

1. Megan Fox

2. Megan Fox

3. Megan Fox

4. Megan Fox

5. Megan Fox

Honorable Mention: some former Hooters chick who’s name actually IS Laura Croft. Hahahaha. I heart Google.

Anyways, so yesterday was a “snow day” from work, and as such, I decided I would swallow my pride and go train at one of the local commercial gyms. As many of you may (or may not) know, I’m in the middle of Project: Tony Gets Sexified, and while Wednesday’s are typically just an EST (Energy System Training; 25 minutes) day for me, I decided I would live life dangerously and actually go pay $20 to lift some weights and move around a little bit.

Now before I go on, just know that I could care less what other people do in the gym. While I may poke fun here and there, in all honesty, I could care less if someone wants to look like an asshat doing squats on a BOSU ball. As a strength coach/personal trainer, it’s almost second nature for me to observe what other people do in a gym setting. That being said, once I put on my iPod and start lifting heavy shit, I tend to filter out the stupid.

That is of course, unless I just so happen to forget my iPod, and I’m forced to listen to some random guy (wearing his tight cut-off UnderArmour shirt no less) sound like he’s getting molested by a giraffe while he’s doing tricep kickbacks.

Then there were the two guys training together being obnoxious with their “GET IT SON” comments while doing hammer curls. All the while flexing in the mirror between sets, and yelling f-bombs to one another as if people were going to be impressed by their badassness. I certainly wasn’t as I was doing my speed pulls with 405. Yep, I did it to make them look bad. So what!!! I couldn’t help myself.

I’d LOVE to see these guys come to CP and train for one day and walk away with their tail between their legs. I guarantee Michelle would make them cry. P to the WNED son.

Come to find out, those two guys were actually trainers working out during their off hours. Niiiiiiice. How professional of them to act like complete morons for all potential clients to see. Waaaay classy fellas. I mean I can only assume afterwards you took off your shirts and gave each other a high five and then shaved each others chest. Here’s a little piece of advice to all trainers out there who happen to read this blog. People are ALWAYS watching you. Walking around cussing like a sailor and drawing attention to yourself is certainly going to make people want to spend their hard earned money to train with you. Hint: note sarcasm.

I remember listening to Thomas Plummer, author of The Business of Fitness: Understanding the Financial Side of Owning a Fitness Business talk about professionalism in the industry and how it has basically gone down the tubes. After yesterday, I can honestly say it isn’t getting any better.

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I’m Going to a Commercial Gym Today. EPIC Nervous Breakdown to Follow

So we’re in the midst of a winteryesk (yes, I made that word up) storm here in Boston today, and as a result, we shut down CP today. Which is to say, (start evil laugh) Muhahahahahahahaha………

hahahahaha. You’re probably reading this from work, while I’m sitting here at my desk eating a bowl of cottage cheese not getting paid because I happen to work in a profession that doesn’t have paid vacation days and/or paid snow days. hahahahaha, wait a second!!! (End evil laugh). This sucks. Oh well.

*clicks on tv to watch Judge Judy*

While I’m glad that I have a day off to catch up on some writing (been slacking a lot on the blogging front as of late), I’m in a bit of a conundrum because I need to train today. However, I really don’t want to walk over to the local Bally Total Fitness since I know I’ll end up seeing crap like this:

Can someone please explain to me how this can possibly be “functional?” The guy in the video mentions this is a great functional exercise, and I am just curious if anyone else has any insight? I mean, the only thing “functional” about this exercise is the fact that I want to functionally drop kick that guy across the face.

And I’m also willing to bet that I’m going to see/hear any host of the following:

1. Lots and lots of UnderArmour shirts.

2. “All you, all you, all you.” (random guy spotting his friend on the bench press who is clearly using more weight than he can handle).

3. People who are 30 lbs overweight, doing nothing but walking on the treadmill, while watching The View, while drinking Gatorade.

4. Trainers teaching people to squat in a Smith Machine.

5. Guys who can pull the entire stack on a lat pulldown machine (with atrocious form), but can’t do ONE pull-up.

6. Dammit, I just realized I don’t have my iPod with me today.

This should be interesting. I’m going to take some mental notes while I’m there today, and report back later on. If I’m not back on by the end of the day, I probably just walked straight out of the building and threw myself in front of the 83 bus. If that’s the case, Kristina…..you get all of my Star Wars dvd’s.

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I Want to Eat Furry Animals

So I’m entering day 23 of Project: Tony Gets Sexified, and as I arrived to the facility today, I find out that a bunch of our pro-guys are headed out to Harvard Square tonight to eat at Fire and Ice. Noooooooooooooooooooooooo.

What’s the over/under that I’ll be able to resist temptation and limit myself to broccoli, celery, and chicken???? Anyone, anyone?

And since I don’t have anything in particular to write about today, all I have to say is that I heart my Rehbands.

For those that don’t know, Rehbands are just neoprene knee sleeves that provide a liiiiiiitle compression to the joint, and keep the joint warm during training. Honestly, I don’t train without them, and I’m always telling people to get them if their knees suck. The best place to order them is through Jackal’s Gym website.

That being said, one word of caution: MAKE SURE YOU WASH THEM!!!!!! Sometimes I don’t know which smells worse, my Rehbands after a brutal lower body day (as pictured below) or an old lady fart passing through an onion. It’s a toss up.

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Random Thoughts Wednesday

1. The other day I was cleaning out my closet (my vintage t-shirt collection is getting out of control), and came across a lot of stuff that I had inadvertently thrown in there after my move last fall. You know normal stuff like Laser Tag gear, old baseball cards, He-Man action figures, and various Milli Vanilli posters. Don’t judge me! You know you listened to them back in the day! Anyways, I came across my TheraCane, which I had been a big fan of when I originally wrote my article Soft Tissue Work for Tough Guys. I decided to bring it to the facility so it would get some good use, and boy has it! You would think it was the second coming of Jesus based on how clients have been flocking to it as soon as they step into the facility.

2. Parents often ask whether or not their child will be training amongst other kids their age/skill level when they come to CP. While we do try to “match” kids based off age/skill level, the truth of the matter is, it’s great exposure for the younger kids to be training around the older high school kids, or even our college/professional athletes. I mean, how often does a 14-15 year old kid get the opportunity to train around college and professional athletes? Not much. If anything, I like to think of it as an advantage. Not only do they get a taste of what kind of work ethic these guys have, but they also get firsthand knowledge on what kind of environment we like to instill. Plus, it’s kind of cool whenever I see one of our pro guys taking some time to talk with one of our younger athletes. I know it makes their day, and that’s something that they’ll never get at their local commercial gym.

3. And speaking of our pro guys; our treadmill has gotten a lot of work the past few weekends with their girlfriends coming into town to visit. It’s a running joke that we only have ONE treadmill and that it never gets used (other than to serve as a make-shift table for guys to put their protein shakes on). Some of our clients were actually caught off guard last weekend to see someone actually running on it. Weird, I know.

EDIT: while I’d like to say that the above picture was taken last weekend, the truth of matter is, none of our pro-guys could pull off someone that hot. Sorry fellas, just sayin.

4. We have a Quote of the Day board that we like to update from time to time. One of last week’s gems comes to you from Shawn Haviland, Oakland Athletics Minor League prospect (and Harvard graduate):

“What can I do at home to give me ripped abs?”

Did I mention he went to Harvard?

Dear Shawn,

Stop eating.

Love,

Your strength coach

5. I got this rather lengthy e-mail not too long ago from a gentleman who complained of shoulder pain/inflammation after having done seated front presses and heavy dips one week. MRI results suggested that there was a minor rotator cuff tear and that degenerative changes could be seen at the acromioclavicular joint with pressure effect on the supraspinatus tendon. He went on to say that he still gets inflammation near the AC joint, and that while the pain has decreased significantly, his shoulder still aches if he does too much with it.

If I’ve seen this e-mail once, I’ve seen it a thousand times. Here’s kind of my automated response:

Stop doing what hurts. Ie: your days of performing dips are probably over. Read: stop doing dips.*

Working on thoracic spine mobility and scapular stability will go a long ways.

For T-spine mobility, I like Quadruped Extension-Rotations:

A couple of scapular stability exercises/drills I like are Hand Switches (generally done for sets of 20-30 seconds):

and Face Pulls w/ External Rotation (sets of 10-12 reps):

Less benching, and more horizontal rowing. For someone in this situation, I’d shit-can the benching altogether and really hammer the rows. After a few weeks, I’d start to introduce pressing back into the mix, albeit slowly. I’d more than likely start with DB floor presses and progress from there.

More push-ups. They’re an often under-rated and overlooked movement, and more people should do them.

One’s breathing pattern actually plays a huge role believe it or not. We need to breath less with our upper chest/traps, and learn to use our diaphragm (ie: diaphragmatic breathing). I touched on this topic here.

6. It wouldn’t be a random thoughts post if I didn’t include some hot chick I need to start stalking. Today’s entry comes to us from James, our three week intern visiting from Austrailia. Say hello to fellow Aussie, Krystal Forscutt:

I don’t know about you, but after spending a good part of my morning looking at pictures of Krystal, I feel like writing some poetry, or I don’t know, listening to Boyz to Men or something. I’m in love.

* which is to say, STOP DOING DIPS

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Lets See How Many People Click on a Post Talking About Anterior Pelvic Tilt. Exciting!!!!!

Q: Hey Tony,

My names Hoss aka Big T and I just have an important query. I’ll keep this short.

I have anterior pelvic tilt, the one where my butt sticks out as I’m sure you know, want to make sure I got the right ’tilt.’ I’m confused to which squat I should do: front or back. I’m currently trying to ‘fix’ the tilt by stretching, training abs and glutes, but mean whilst which would be most beneficial and maybe aid in the ‘fixing’ process? Something tells me front squats would be better but I can’t find any validation on the net.

 

A: First off, I have to be honest and say that the only reason I am answering this e-mail is because that’s a badass nickname, and well, I have to respect that. Speaking of nicknames, you can call me by mine, Captain McAwesomepants, aka Nighthawk.

Attaining correct pelvic alignment is kind of a big deal, not only from a postural standpoint, but from a performance standpoint as well. Improper alignment will undoubtedly lead to “leaks” in the kinetic chain, and thus affect your lifts (which I am assuming is your main concern). That being said, from what you mentioned above, it sounds like you’re taking the necessary steps to help alleviate the problem. However, from a programming standpoint there are things you can concentrate on.

First off, as Mike Roberson noted in his article “Hips Don’t Lie: Fixing Your Force Couples;”

The anterior force couple consists of the hip flexors (psoas, iliacus, rectus femoris, and TFL), and the spinal erectors. From the front, the hip flexors pull the pelvis down into anterior tilt. On the back side, the spinal erectors are pulling up on the back side of the pelvis to produce anterior tilt as well.

In essence, these muscle groups are working synergistically (from the front and back of the body) to produce one movement — anterior pelvic tilt.

For those who are visual learners, it looks like this:

or better yet, I’ll let the best case of anterior pelvic tilt in the history of mankind do the talking:

Now, to answer your question (for someone with APT, is it better to front squat or back squat?), and to keep this somewhat short (and simplified) so I don’t go off on a tangent, my answer would be………box squat. Think about it, when you’re dealing with APT, you need to focus on lengthening certain muscles (psoas, iliacus, rectus femoris, and TFL), and strengthening certain muscles (rectus abdominus, external obliques, glutes, and hamstrings). What hammers the hamstrings? Box squats!

To finish this off, continue to do what you’re doing, stretch the hip flexors, strengthen your abdominals and glutes (pull-throughs, glute ham raises, specific glute activation drills), but blast those box squats.

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Despite Low Carbs, I’m Still Alive

I know I’ve been out of the loop for the past week or so, but it’s been with good reason. Actually I just lied, there is no legit reason. I’ve been dieting and I basically want to swallow my own tongue. Tongues are low-carb, right? Okay, I’m exaggerating, but Project: Tony Gets Sexified is going very well thus far. I mean, just the other day I was flexing in the mirror and my pecs turned into diamonds. KA-CHING! If that’s not sexy, then I don’t know what is.

My weight has gone from 206 to 199.5 (as of this AM), and my strength levels have stayed right on par (1-board press of 290×2 the other night). Understandably, most of that weight lost has been water-weight, but I have leaned up quite a bit, and it should be interesting to see what happens over the span of the next four weeks.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I received an e-mail from a guy who’s been on a quest to gain weight:

Tony,

I’m really struggling to gain that last set of weight. I had a goal to get to 210+ (currently at 201ish A.M. weigh-in) by the end of Feb. I’m just eating SO much goddamn food. All day at work I’m eating food. Eating when I’m not hungry is a daily thing with me; which I can usually get over.

My question to you is; do you have any suggestions to get in another 500 calories? I’ll give you a list of a typical training day so you know what I’m dealing with.

Whey2 scoop Oats 1/2 CUP Toast 2 SLICES

1 egg Banana 1 LARGE Milk 2C Whey 2 scoop Apple 1 LARGE Bar 1 Oats 1/2 CUPChicken 6 OZ Veggies: Some Potato MED. sized (213g) Chicken 6 oz Pasta 6 oz PERI/Post -WO 2 shakes Wrap 1 Apple 1 LARGE Eggs 4 EGGS T. Roni 17 SLICES Milk 2C Bacon 2 slices

Sorry for the way that it pasted in from Excel.

I have no idea what the heck I just read. EPIC fail on that cut/paste job. That being said, I feel your pain. A few years back I went through a rather hefty bulking cycle (went from 180 lbs to 210 in the span of eleven months), and I know how frustrating it can be to feel like you’re eating a house everyday and still not put on any weight.

Nonetheless, here are a few pointers.

1. Add a tablespoon of olive oil to your protein shakes (sounds gross, or very manly, depending on how you look at things, but it works).

2. Grab a bag of cinnamon raisin bagels, slap some natural peanut butter on them, and eat 1-2 of those during the day.

3. Add another 1/2 cup of oats to a meal.

4. Throw in a couple of whole eggs.

5. Brian St. Pierre and I are huge fans of Kozy Shack pudding. Add some protein powder and something like Grape Nuts to it for a nice little snack.

6. Make sure you get a decent pre-bedtime meal in before you go to bed. I don’t agree with the whole concept of guys setting their alarm clocks to eat a meal in the middle of the night, but I do like the idea of getting a meal in beforehand. One suggestion we give to a lot of our high school kids is: 1 cup cottage cheese, 1 scoop protein powder, with a bit of peanut butter.

7. You may very well need to cut down on your training volume. From a personal standpoint, it wasn’t till I cut out ALL long(er)-distance running (yes I, Tony Gentilcore, used to go for jogs. Hahahahaha.) that I started to put on more weight. Some guys get into the mindset that “more is better,” when in fact, for ectomorphs (guys who have a hard time putting on weight) one of the best things they can do is cut their training volume in half. Obviously, since you’re already 200 lbs (at six feet), the ectomorph comment wouldn’t apply, but you should take an objective look at your overall training volume.

Hope that helps!

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Two Posts in Two Days: GET SOME!

Everyone repeat after me: there is no such thing as an “upper” or “lower” abdominal region. Just like a good Dane Cook movie, it doesn’t exist. Oh, no I didn’t!?!11?!

Rather than rant and rave, I’ll just let someone a helluva lot smarter than myself crack open an egg of knowledge bombs (Dr. Stuart McGill):

“Myoelectric evidence, normalized and calibrated, suggests that there is no functional distinction between an “upper” and “lower” rectus abdominus in most people; in contrast, the obliques are regionally activated with upper and lower neuromuscular compartments as well as medial and lateral components. There are, however, some highly trained individuals who are able to create small differences in activation. Yet these differences are only at very low levels of activation and occur during what would be considered nonfunctional tasks, for example belly dancing.”

So please, the next time you hear some nimrod personal trainer explain how “x exercise” will target the upper/lower abs, do me a favor and ask yourself, “what would Tony do?”

A. Cordially invite said personal trainer to an open discussion on how retarded (s)he is.

B. Four words: pink dumbbell-to-face.

C. Don’t waste your breath, it’s a lost cause. (S)he probably also thinks muscle soreness is from lactic acid build-up. Or, I don’t know, thinks there’s such a thing as a trapezoid.

D. Who cares! Jennifer Love Hewitt is single again.

E. I think her and I have would have a lot in common.

F. I mean, we’re both single.

G. I like to lift heavy stuff (and watch Top Chef, which has to count for something).

H. She looks really, uh, intelligent.

I. It’s obviously a match made in heaven.

J. How could it not work?

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Miscellaneous Miscellany Monday-Even Though I’m Posting This at 1:04 AM on a Tuesday.

1. I’m about five days into Project: Tony Gets Sexified, and all I have to say is that so far, I don’t hate life. Well that’s a lie, because yesterday I had to turn down what could only be described as the most appetizing carrot cake I have ever seen. The crew from CP was invited to brunch, and because I am a champ and have the will power of an ox (if that even make sense, whatever, I’m going with it), I limited myself to a chicken breast, two egg white omelets, and roughly 5.3 slices of bacon. Oh, and some fresh fruit. Okay, I hate life. But big props go out to Anna and myself for steering clear of the carrot cake. HIGH FIVE! And another high five goes out to me for ironing my own shirt beforehand.

Just to give a little snidbit into what my weeks looks like:

Mon: Throw, Lift heavy stuff, followed by 10-12 minutes of EST (Energy System Training).

Tues: Mobility/Med Ball/Throw, followed by 30 minutes of BRISK incline walking. Yeah, that’s right….incline walking. What’s up now bitches?

Wed: Intervals (25 minutes). Airdyne bike. And I’m gonna be honest here, this is NOT fun.

Thur: Throw, Lift heavy stuff

Fri: Mobility/Med Ball/Throw, followed by intervals (25 minutes)

Sat: Lift heavy stuff, followed by 10-12 minutes of EST (this also happens to be my higher calorie day).

Sun: Hang out at Starbucks, eat lots of dead animal flesh, write poetry, listen to classical music, play checkers with orphans, and draw pictures of Megan Fox on my etch-a-sketch (this should make up for last week Lance). I guess you could say I’m pretty talented.

2. A HUGE congratulations goes out to CP client, Bree Schaaf who qualified for the 2009 World Championship team after claiming the U.S Bobsled National Championship in Lake Placid, NY. We’re proud of you Bree! Check out Bree in action at CP here (scroll down to first video). Just goes to show that when you train your tail off, good things happen.

3. Since I’m apparently in the mood to give shout outs, I’d like to send a HUGE boooooooooooo to Oprah for admittedly “falling off the wagon” of healthy living, and as a result, ballooning up to 200 lbs (again). I have to give her credit – if there are two things that Oprah is good at, it’s recommending books that I’ll never read, and following atrocious dieting advice.

Listen, I’m not bagging on Oprah for gaining weight. Honestly, I don’t care. However, what I am bagging on is the fact that millions of women follow Oprah’s word like it’s the gospel, and I’m getting rather tired of her spewing out atrocious dieting advice and/or advocating diets (quick fixes) that are downright dangerous. Ie: starvation diets, liquid diets, etc. How is it possible that someone with the resources such as herself, follows some of the worst dieting/training advice I have ever seen? It boggles my mind.

4. Speaking of which, Leigh Peele has re-released an updated version of The Fat Loss Troubleshoot. I only wish that Oprah would do something as cool as give this product the notoriety it deserves. I don’t like to pimp too many products, but Leigh has gone out of her way to provide one of the most in-depth fat loss products out there. Most dieting manuals/books do nothing but attempt to put a band-aid over an open wound; with The Fat Loss Troubleshoot, you get a way of life. To steal from Alwyn Cosgrove (who always has a great way of putting things into perspective), “instead of describing a new method of fat loss, Leigh covers the principles of fat loss. Remember methods are many, principles are few. Methods may change, principles never do.”

5. Here’s Brian St. Pierre after day #1 on Warp Speed Fat Loss. All I have to say is hahahahahahahahahaahaahahaahahaahahaahaha.*

Notice the close proximity of the puke basket.

6. I like to make stuff up while I train; it keeps things interesting. As well, it seems I have an affinity for attempting exercises with ridiculously long names. Case in point: snatch grip speed pulls vs. chains from a deficit.

Not that I’m bragging or anything, but that’s 375 lbs at the top of the lift, which I’m pretty sure some girl in Asia does as a warm-up. Just sayin.

7. I had a little friendly debate with two of our female clients tonight. I mentioned to them that I’m willing to bet that there are more women out there who could complete a sub-four hour marathon than there are women who can perform three body weight pull-ups. So lets open this up to my audience. What do you think? Hint: I’m totally right.

*= LOL.

PS: hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

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New Year’s Day Hate

Might as well start 2009 off with a bang, courtesy of one of the coolest e-mails I have ever received. I had to share this one with all of you.

So, I had to share my day at the gym with you because I know you love this kind of stuff.

After walking into the weight room and realizing I’d have to rearrange my days programming because apparently it was “bench day,” and there weren’t any free for me – natch – the only girl in there, I took a good look around… did I just walk onto the set of a bad 80s mafia movie?! Where did these guys come from?! One was shorter, and greasier than the next, and it seemed they all knew each other since most were hugging like it was a family reunion. But, THE best part was when this one dude walked up to these two young kids (not sure if they were with him or??) sporting the slightly cocked cap, black wife beater, and (oh yes!) the tribal tattoo that covered a good portion of his left shoulder and… wait for it… lifted his shirt to show them his abs! We are talking douche to the douchiest power! I think I may have laughed out loud.

I saw an ambulance pull up outside while I was doing my intervals, and secretly hoped he’d, I don’t know, crushed his larynx trying to bench too high or something. Unfortunately not, as I saw him walking out with his fur-lined hoodie on not too much later. It was then I realized the true meaning behind reading your blog… the learned hate. It was always in me, I just don’t try to hide it as much anymore.

I have four words for you random girl who e-mailed me: Will………….you…………marry………..me? You had me at douche to the douchiest power. I’ve never felt like this before. I really feel you and I may have a connection, that for all intents and purposes, could end up being something really special. Lets be honest, it’s not everyday that I meet a woman who shares my affinity for wanting to stab my own face off from all the asinine things I see or read about that go on at the commercial gym. I mean, just think of the possibilities. We could train together, maybe bully a personal trainer or two, then go home so you could make me a ham sandwich. It would be glorious! I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’d like to make an honest woman out of you. Do you like Star Wars?