In the same vein (I.e., I’m “stealing” another idea), my good friend and former business partner, Eric Cressey, wrote a fantastic post titled The Most Important Three Words in Strength and Conditioning that I felt hit the nail on the head, and also served as a bit of inspiration for me. While I’d encourage everyone reading now to click on the link above, I won’t leave everyone in the dark.
What were the three words he alluded to?
“I was wrong.”
It takes a bit of courage and moxy for someone to be so transparent and admit when he or she is wrong. And for whatever reason, compared to other professions, the strength and conditioning community has a really, really, really hard time admitting when it’s wrong.
I shouldn’t toss the whole industry under the bus. That’s unfair and shortsighted. But I’d be remiss not to say there are a fair number of people within the industry who are stubborn and refuse to admit when they’re wrong.
I mean all you have to do is spend ten minutes on social media and you’ll come across any number of petty arguments and dick measuring contests as to who’s right. The steady state cardio crowd argues with the HIIT crowd. The total calories are the only thing that counts crowd argues with the IIFYM (If It Fits Your Macros) crowd. The strength coaches argue with the yoga instructors. The powerlifters argue with the bodybuilders. And everyoneargues with the Vegans.
And NO ONE admits when they’re wrong. Ever.
It’s like the ultimate starring contest…..
Which is why I felt Eric’s post was so refreshing and something that NEEDED to be said. It’s actually okay to admit when you’re wrong. The Mayan Apocalypse isn’t going to start.
All the cool kids are doing it.
And I’d even go so far as to say that admitting when you’re wrong is mandatory for personal growth and development.1
Unless your name is Gandalf or Dan John you can’t expect to be right 100% of the time. Admitting when you’re wrong takes balls (and ovaries!), and I feel most people respect those who are confident enough to accept that they’re not infallible more so than those who pretend to be know it alls.
Which brings me to the other three words.
I remember my first trip to London for a workshop I was teaching, I had a few days to walk around and take in the sights and sounds.
I LOOOOOOOVED London. It was my first trip to Europe, and being a nerdy history buff I was excited to see many of the historical landmarks and architecture that you just don’t come across here in the states. You know, like a 10-11th century castle (The Tower of London) right smack dab in the middle of a city:
Moreover it was bit of a culture shock to have people smile at you and say “good morning.” Likewise, it was equally “shocking” to get used to some of the British slang.
Me: “Can you point me in the direction of Trafalgar Square?”
Brit: “You’d be bloody barmy to go there this time of day. If you fancy it and you’re full of beans, I’d suggest the South Bank. Cheerio. Spot of tea. Winston Churchhill.”
Me: “Uhhhhh, I don’t know?”
Facetiousness aside, this was an easy example of a time where I wasn’t scared to say the words, I don’t know.
Or take a few years ago when Lisa and I were down in Florida and we met with our wedding planner.
Lisa: “Babe, which DJ did you like better?”
Me: “I don’t know.”
Lisa: “Babe, do you want a photo booth during the reception?”
Me: “I don’t know.”
Lisa: “Babe, which table cover do you like best?”
Me: “I don’t know.”
Lisa: “Babe, I swear to god I’m going to punch you in the mouth if you say “I don’t know” one more time.”
Me: “I don’t kn…..wait, huh? OWWWWWWWWWWWWW.”
The point is, there are plenty of incidences in everyday life where we don’t tip-toe around the phrase I don’t know.
Yet in the strength and conditioning world those three words are almost considered taboo. It’s as if admitting you don’t know the answer to something is cause for handing in your man-card.
And that’s unfortunate.
I’d like to think I know the answer to most gym-related things I’m asked…but even on the off-chance I’m flummoxed, I’m not afraid to say it……..
I don’t know
If anything I think the person asking respects the admission MORE than if I tried to pawn off some BS diatribe.
What’s more, I come across as a jerk if, down the road, the person finds out the actual answer and realizes I just made something up on the fly. How am I supposed to build trust – and more importantly, integrity – as a fitness professional if I’m pretending to know the answers?
Listen: It’s impossible to be an “expert” in everything. Ask me how to deadlift, and I’m your man. Ask me to explain the Kreb’s Cycle and you’ll get nothing but crickets chirping.
That said, I do feel it’s in every fitness professional’s best interests to own a niche or topic. Cressey Sports Performance owns baseball training. Mark Fisher Fitness owns Broadway. Molly Galbraith, Nia Shanks, and Joy Victoria own female training. John Romaniello owns fat-loss (and dick jokes). Jon Goodman owns personal trainer development. And I could go on and on with examples.
This isn’t to say that none of the above don’t have experience outside their niche – they absolutely do!
But I guarantee they’re not afraid to say “I don’t know” and are willing to 1) own it, 2) say something along the lines of “give me some time and I’ll find the answer for you,” and/or 3) point people in the direction of someone within their network who DOES have the answer.
Rule of Thumb: don’t pretend to be something you’re not. Accepting your limitations as a fitness professional – and saying I don’t know – is just as valuable as being able to regurgitate all the insertions and origins of every muscle…..in Elvish.
Both are impressive. But it’s the former that separates many of the good trainers and coaches from the great ones.
NOTE: I was perusing some of my old blog posts recently and came across this one. I re-read it and remember how embarrassed I felt when what I describe in the post below actually happened. I felt it resharing it would be a nice reminder to all fitness professionals to remember…you’re always being watched. Act accordingly.
I felt like an asshole yesterday. And when I say “I felt like an asshole,” I don’t mean in the rhetorical “haha, I did something goofy and feel like an asshole” sense. I straight-up felt like a heaping pile of asshole.
HINT: I was an asshole.
To get right to the point: I let a client down. And it was 100% on me.
I hope this will be a lesson to every fitness professional reading that you’re always being watched and that you’re always making decisions – whether directly or indirectly – that will affect your business and people’s perception of you.
However, before I dive into my assholiness from yesterday, I hope you won’t mind if I take a second to butter myself up and break down a scenario where I was less of an asshole.
I think it goes without saying most personal trainers and coaches – at one point or another, have experience working in a commercial gym.
Admittedly, it can (not always) suck. One of the biggest drags is many trainers are left fending for themselves in terms of harvesting their own clients.
This can be a daunting task for those new in the field, are a little more introverted, and otherwise inexperienced.
Whenever I’m contacted by someone asking me advice on this topic, my immediate response is:
“Act as if you’re always being observed or judged.”
A great example would be how you approach floor hours.
Most (new) trainers at most clubs are required/obligated to accumulate “x” number of floor hours per week. It’s more or less the fitness industry’s version of hazing or probation/purgatory, where you walk around the club feeling like a tool picking up after everyone else’s mess.
If I had to liken it to anything, it would fall somewhere between preparing your taxes and jumping into a shark’s mouth as far as things I’d rather be doing.
Anyways, when I had to do it I used it as an opportunity to get in front of as many people’s eyes as possible. I’d say hello, make eye contact, and occasionally offer some advice on technique, unique core exercises, or maybe strike up conversation on favorite GI Joe characters.
You know, cause I was cool.
All told I used my floor hours as an opportunity to provide a service and to reel people in as clients.
And speaking of clients, when I was with one, I’d always, ALWAYS make sure to give them my undivided attention. I’d be on-time, had my programs ready to go, and always prided myself on being more proactive, giving cues and feedback at all times. You know, coaching.
As a result, on many occasions, I’d be approached by other people asking if I had openings because they had been watching and observing me throughout the weeks or months prior.
Little did I know – at the time – that I was constantly be observed and judged.
It resonated with me then and it’s something, still, that’s important to me now. It never gets old when, after working with me for a handful of sessions, a new client mentions how much they appreciate my approach compared to past experiences they’ve had with other trainers and coaches.
They’re being coached rather than babysat for.
I don’t say this to be vainglorious, but interpret it as you will.
But Back to That Me Being an Asshole Part
All of this to say: we all fuck up from time to time. Or, maybe a bit more of a germane way to put it: have a slight lapse in judgement.
Most days I show up 10-15 minutes prior to clients showing up at CORE.
I had two clients scheduled to show up yesterday at 4 PM. 3:30 hit and I was still home prepping the day’s blog post and catching up on emails.
3:40 hit and, while I knew I was pushing my luck (my gym is only a mile from my apartment, but still a 10-15 minute commute that time of day), I had to post the article up on Instagram.
Priorities, right?
“Okay,” I thought to myself, “I’m probably going to be a teeny-tiny bit late. I’ll shoot my clients a quick email to let them know I’m on my way and that I’ll be a few minutes off.”
No biggie.
Feeling justified, I rushed out the door and headed to CORE.
I arrived at 4:03. Both clients waiting outside the side of the building trying to avoid the first oppressively hot day.
Joe, an accomplished businessman here in Boston (12,000 employees answer to him) who just started with me three weeks ago and has been an exemplary client – shows up on time every session ready to work his ass off – was the first to greet me.
“Hey man, it’s past 4 o’clock.”
“Yeah,” I said, “sorry I’m a little late.”
“Stop posting on Instagram and lets get to work.”
He saw my post. He called my BS.
What an asshole I was.
Joe wasn’t malicious or anything, or even that mad. I think. He didn’t even make me being late a thing. He said what he said, and we did, we got right to work. However, his matter of fact way of calling me out on my momentary hiccup really punched me in the gut.
And, honestly, it served as a nice wake-up call.
I’m better than that.
You’re better than that too.
Let this be a lesson: You’re always being watched.
Outside of majoring in “Humanities” during my first few years in college, and taking the obligatory Introduction to Philosophy class to fulfill my course requirements, I don’t consider myself much of a philosophical person.
I’m not one to sit around and contemplate the meaning of life, why we’re all here, or to argue about which came first: the CrossFitter or the comment from the CrossFitter that they do CrossFit?
I tend to leave those sort of things to people who are way smarter than myself and drive Priuses.
Start a conversation with me on Star Wars mythology or the writings of Kurt Vonnegut (or bring up the best Jason Bourne fight scenes) and you’ve got my attention.
So, yeah, I don’t consider myself a philosophical person per se. I put my socks on like everyone else. But something struck a chord and jostled my thought process recently as I was listening to a podcast.
And it was this one simple quote: “Discomfort builds growth.”
The easy analogy here – and most fitting – are the things we do in the weight room.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t go to the gym day in and day out because it tickles.
I do it because I want to feel strong, look strong, and have pecs that can deflect bullets.
However, how many times have we noticed someone do the same routine, with the same exercises, in the same order, with the same amount of weight, routinely, who look exactly the same and are just as strong as they were three years ago?
Hell, I’m sure everyone reading knows a friend, family member, colleague, arch nemesis who falls under this umbrella.
I’ve worked with countless people in my career as a personal trainer and strength coach.
98.5% of them “get it.”
Meaning, they know they have to put in the work in order to get the results they’re after. They don’t just expect muscles to magically appear or to walk underneath a rainbow and lose five dress sizes.
They have to EARN it.
They’ll do what they’re told – throw some barbells around, push the Prowler, swing some kettlebells, perform endless numbers of push-ups and chin-ups, tolerate Wu-Tang Wednesdays – and love to hate it.
It not so many words (and at the risk of being overly cliche)…
They’re Comfortable With Being UN-Comfortable
This isn’t to say one must train to the point of passing out or shitting their liver in order to reap any benefits. That’s a bit much.
Conversely, just because you “showed up” and made an appearance at the gym doesn’t really mean anything.
Why drive to the gym only to walk on the treadmill?
For many, they’re lucky if they elevate their heart rate during their “workout” any higher than if they just stayed home and watched an episode of The Last of Us.
Very generally speaking, those people who have physiques and fitness levels we most admire (and desire) are those who strive for, nay, ACCEPT discomfort.
It’s physiology.
The human body is a highly adaptive “machine.” The reason why many people never seem to make routine progress in the gym is because they continue to do the same things they ALWAYS do. Even worse, they continue to do things that they’re good at or that’s “easy.”
I don’t blame them – it’s human nature.
I know I’ll catch some flak for saying this, but a glaring example would be people who tend to gravitate towards “cardio.”
Performing dedicated (steady state) cardiovascular work is important and it does serve as an component to a well-rounded fitness program. But I do feel it’s often drastically OVER-emphasized because, well, it’s easy.
And we’ve established that people like easy.
And while I don’t want to make this into some anti-cardio diatribe, one of the main reasons why I feel there comes a point of diminishing returns is because you have do MORE of it (steady state cardio) in order to get the same training effect.
As one becomes more “efficient,” they have to do more work in order to burn the same amount of calories.
And just working out for the sake of burning calories is kinda lame. As my friend Bryan Krahn has noted in the past:
Here’s a thought. Say you hit the treadmill for three 1-hour runs per week. What does it do? Well, it burns a bunch of calories, improves your cardio vascular capabilities, yadda yadda. Fantastic. And that’s about it.
Now let’s say you swap the cardio for three 1-hour martial arts classes. You’ll burn a similar amount of calories but also work different movement planes and improve flexibility — things that basic gym training doesn’t address.
(A big part of my training code is to expose yourself to new things, identify any weaknesses, and then address them. I call it having no holes in your game.)
The same mindset can be applied to lifting weights as well. In order for a muscle to grow you need to apply enough of a stimulus to break down the actual muscular filaments – actin and myosin. Assuming ample recovery (and calories) are applied…you progressively get bigger and stronger.
Again, many trainees miss the mark here.
There’s a lack of intentand purpose in the way a lot of people train. I can’t help but think some people feel so long as you walk into a gym and look at a dumbbell you’re going to get results.
This Applies to Life Too
Throwing myself in the spotlight I can think of a handful of scenarios where leaning into some discomfort served a greater good in my life.
Some of you reading will remember a time when meeting someone over the internet was borderline creepy. By today’s standards it’s no big deal, but back in 2004 it would raise some eyebrows.
I met Eric Cressey on the internet.
Eric and I knew each other via various training forums online (most notably T-Nation.com). When he graduated from UCONN he landed a job as a personal trainer in Ridgefield, CT.
I was still in central NY working as a trainer myself and Eric got a hold of me one day and mentioned that he had gotten a job at a gym and that the people who owned it were still looking for another trainer. Knowing that I wanted to get the hell out of dodge, he thought that maybe I should look into it?
I did.
I was hired, and in less than two weeks, despite some major reservations and second guessing myself, I was moving to Connecticut to start a new job with a dude I had met over the internet and whom I had only met once in person.
Understandably, I had to assure my mom that I wasn’t going to get murdered.
In the end, I think it all turned out pretty well…;o)
And then there was the one time my wife, Lisa, had me try a sip of her whisky I had brought home from my trip to Scotland. It was like taking a sip of battery acid. Disgusting. The only thing I grew in that case was more chest hair.
I guess you win some, you lose some.
Discomfort, trying new things, taking risks, doing things differently, challenging yourself…both in the gym and in life.
And Those Things That are Important. But Really Only Kinda-Sorta Important. Actually, We’re All Just a Bunch of A-Holes Who Like to Argue Over the Internet
Exercise selection
Exercise order
Exercise technique
Goal(s). Powerlifting vs. bodybuilding vs. OLY lifting vs. CrossFit vs. Fat Loss vs. Mechagodzilla
Training history/age
Past and current injury history
Ideal number of sets/reps
Time of day to workout
Length of workout
Best exercises to make your pecs cut diamonds
[EPIC drum roll is still cued]
Facetious tone aside, allof the things mentioned above are important and play an important role in program design.
However, there’s one metric that seems to always get overlooked.
And that is…..
Attendance
“The most important metric of a training program’s success is…attendance. People need to show up”
You can write the most baller scientifically-based program addressing all the criteria listed above that’s based off block periodization with meticulous percentages written in, laminated with Vladimir Zatsiorsky’s7 chest hair, and none of it will matter if people don’t show up.
Make no mistake…getting people to “show up” is a skill in of itself.
Of course, the monetary commitment to hire a personal trainer or coach is enough to motivate most people to “show up.” But even then it’s often a crap-shoot, let alone entices someone to invest their time (and in themselves) long-term.
There are numerous, outside-the-box factors that often come into play:
The ability to listen to and validate someone. Are you a trainer/coach who likes to “win” or prove to everyone how smart you are and how you’re always right? Better, less uppity communication skills can have a profound impact on your sales and retention as a trainer/fitness business.8
It’s not about you. It’s about THEM. Get your clients to talk about themselves.9
Take the time to introduce your clients to one another. Maybe you have two clients who really enjoy squatting or, I don’t know, old-school Jean-Claude Van Damme movies. Either way, introducing client A to client B often helps build camaraderie and community.
With regards to program design: It’s not necessarily about choosing the best exercise possible to entertain people. Rather, it’s about choosing the most appropriate exercise(s) to better set people up for immediate and long-term success. These are really boring.
“Think trainer, speak client.”10You in your head: “Dan is really crushing his posterior Mediastinum on those squats.” You to Dan: “don’t arch so much in your lower back.”
Design for your space. You don’t always need all the bells and whistles to impress people. Audit your equipment. Almost always, the less you have, the better your programs will be. Most people don’t need as much variety as they think they need anyways.
Strive to make your clients autonomous.
Play more Wu-Tang. Just, because.
This is by no means an exhaustive list, but I do feel serves as a delicious amuse bouche in helping fitness professionals understand that it’s not always about credentials, certifications, and deadlifts.
Getting people to show up via other means is often the key to effective program writing.
As I type these words on my keyboard I am aboard an Irish Rail train en route to Galway. We just spent the past five days in Dublin being tourists making the typical pit stops at sites like Trinity College, the Temple Bar neighborhood, and I even had a Guinness at the renowned Gravity Bar atop the Guinness factory.11
We still have several more days lined up exploring the sites of Ireland with everything culminating in Belfast where we plan to hit up the Titanic Belfast Museum as well as the Giants Causeway and a few filming locations of Game of Thrones.
#nerdlife.
Suffice to say I am in no mood to write new content. Thankfully my man Paul Levitin was thoughtful enough to send me a guest post before I left on my trip. He’s written a handful of excellent posts in recent months and this one no different.
4 Tips I’d Give Myself on Day 1 of My Fitness Journey
After working in a gym for nearly a decade, and collecting every certification under the sun, it’s easy to become jaded and say “everyone knows this stuff.”
Factually, most people do not.
Today, instead of thinking about where I am now, with 10 years of experience, I want to go back.
It’s easy for me to say “I don’t count calories anymore,” but that’s because I counted calories for nearly a decade, and I have more nutrition labels memorized than I do phone numbers at this point.
So If I had to start from scratch, if today was day 0 of my fitness journey, where would I begin?
Knowing what I know now, what would I do to most leverage my time and energy?
One thing is for sure: When I first started, I had no clue what I was doing. I wasted a lot of time, literally years doing the wrong things. I wasted money, buying useless supplements and other gimmicky products like sauna suits.
So if i could travel back in time to the first day of my fitness journey, here are my 4 tips that I would give my 17 year old self:
1. Don’t Overlook the Simple. Don’t Overvalue the Complex
Some things are so simple, so easy, I just couldn’t understand how they might be helpful
Things like, parking farther away at the parking lot, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, walking to the store instead of driving.
Like, yea, I get it, you get some steps, but could the hundred steps it takes to get from one end of the parking lot to the other, or the extra two minutes it takes to walk three flights of stairs instead of taking the elevator really make a difference?
Most people think that exercising, whether it’s lifting weights or doing cardio or anything else, represents a huge amount of calories being burned.
In reality, an hour of even the most high intensity exercise will only burn a few hundred calories, a small percentage of your daily calorie intake and burn.
The vast majority of your calories are spent each day simply living. Between bodily functions, like keeping your blood pumping and keeping the lights on in your head, to doing daily tasks like walking, eating, typing, and everything else you tend to do.
It makes sense, since simply proportionally, even if you spend an hour in the gym five days a week, that’s only five hours out of 168, which is 8.4%. Just logically, we have much more opportunity during the remaining 91.6% than we possibly could in the exercise time, no matter how hard we try to push it during those 4 or 5 hours.
A key step towards health then becomes trying to do more in your non exercise time. That walk from the end of the parking lot here, taking the stairs there, getting off your train a stop early and walking, or deciding to explore a new city on foot rather than take an Uber, these things can seem trivial, but over days, weeks, months, and years, they add up.
They keep you moving, they keep you burning, and it’s a key habit that all healthy people adopt, either consciously or unconsciously.
2. Eating for Health and Eating for Weight Loss Are Not Necessarily the Same. Exercising for Health and Exercising for Aesthetics Are Not Necessarily the Same
This one throws people through a loop. It definitely took me some time to wrap my head around.
I saw countless clients as a nutrition coach, as well as myself, getting frustrated saying “I’m eating so healthy, but I’m not losing weight!” That’s because these goals are not one in the same, and taken to extremes, can actually be counter to one another.
The problem comes from the ambiguous definition of “healthy.” To many people seeking to lose weight, they use the terms interchangeably.
A doctor, nutritionist, or health blog however, might use the term “healthy” to mean more nutritious, with more healthy fats. This however might mean more calories, which means that a big bowl of almonds every day might be hurting your weight loss, more than helping it.
Or, some “naturalist” type, might say “healthy” to mean less artificial ingredients. To them then, a 200 calorie kombucha would be “healthy,” but a zero calorie, zero sugar diet coke, would not, even though the latter would result in less calories consumed, and thus more potential weight loss than the former.
The same can be said for exercise. Hang around any heavy duty lifting gym for long enough, and talk to enough jacked and shredded bodybuilders and powerlifters, and you know what you’ll hear?
Stories of torn rotator cuffs, blown out backs, and bad knees. Probably some disordered eating as well, and quite potentially, the use of some illicit substances.
People might look “good” (whatever that means), but their health is actually suffering because of it
Now, does this mean these things are mutually exclusive?
Of course not.
You can eat in a way that is both healthy and ideal for weight loss, and you can exercise in a way that makes you look and feel sexy af, while also improving your overall health and longevity.
I am simply saying that this is not inherently the case, and the sooner that you come to grips with that, the less frustrated you will be.
That brings me right to the next point…
3. Optimal Is Only Optimal if You Do It. Don’t Optimize Yourself Out of Consistency
For a long time, I tried to force things,
I was a personal trainer, so I studied the science. I studied the studies.
Squats are more optimal for muscle development than leg press. Cool, no more leg press, only squats.
The optimal weekly routine has you hitting each body part 2 to 3 times per week, that means more focus on big muscle groups like back and legs, and less on arms, abs, and anything smaller.
Optimal cardio is low intensity steady state, those HIIT days are killing your gains. Ok, no more HIIT, only walking. (Jury is back out on this one).
As time went on, I continued to optimize and tweak and adjust, until where I started was nowhere at all where I began.
Now, this in and of itself, certainly isn’t a bad thing. It was the constant learning, optimization, and tweaking that allowed me to achieve the results that I had, like reaching a 500lb deadlift or sub 10% bodyfat.
But that was me. I was a personal trainer, spending seven days in the gym, eating, breathing, and sleeping fitness and nutrition information. It was my life. I was uniquely dedicated, and there was nothing that was going to throw me off course.
Often, people would see what I was doing, be it friends, family, or clients, and try to do the same. Unfortunately, they weren’t me (Sad, I know).
What I mean is, they weren’t coaches. They had lives outside of the gym, they had responsibilities, they had families, they had limited time.
Because of that, often what the science might have said was the most OPTIMAL workout might not fit with their lives.
Beyond that, what is more important, is that what is OPTIMAL does not take into account what is ENJOYABLE.
I was nut, I was going to do whatever it took to get lean and strong.
Normal people, which you might consider yourself to be, might want to, oh, I don’t know, enjoy their exercise routines?
Eat food that doesn’t look like it could be fed to a rabbit?
Crazy huh?
The thing is, in the quest for optimization, individuality is lost.
If we are assuming that there is ONE optimal way, (which we can argue about, and people on the internet surely will) that means that anything other than optimal is inherently deemed “wrong” or “worse”.
That can be disheartening for people who are already struggling with just getting to the gym or getting off the couch, now they are being told they are doing it wrong too.
So while I do think there is a time and place for doing what’s best, not if it comes at the expense of actually doing the damn thing.
So many people these days hear that strength training is the end all be all of exercise. And for good reason, it’s the bee’s knees, the benefits are basically endless.
BUT, if you’re someone who loves Zumba and going for long runs, should those be poo-poo’ed because they aren’t as optimal as lifting weights?
If you try to force yourself into a box, there’s a chance you might fit, but there’s always also a chance you might get claustrophobic and go crazy
This takes experimentation, and some knowledge of self
I’m not saying don’t try to optimize or ever do what’s best. Just saying, tread carefully, and a non-optimal workout routine done consistently for years is infinitely better than the most scientifically optimal workout that you do for 6 weeks then quit because you hate it
Which, brings me to point four,
4. In the Long Game, Consistency Wins. This is the Long Game, Whether You Like it or Not
When I was 17, I cared about one thing, and one thing only: looking good. More specifically, looking good right now. If I absolutely had to wait, I would accept results tomorrow, but beyond that we were really starting to push it.
Unfortunately, at the time, I was living in this dumb stupid super annoying place called “reality.”
It really was the worst.
Every day, I’d go to the gym and do abs, then lift my shirt up, and NO ABS. It was like a cruel joke.
Now you might be saying, been there Paul. And if you have, maybe you know what my next step was: obviously, logically, it was, more.
More abs!
More cardio!
More more more!
Looking back now, I can see how the logic might have been a little flawed. What I’m not doing isn’t working? Hmm, let’s do more of it!
Poor exercise selection and actual workout programming aside, this route couldn’t work for one key reason: it was unsustainable.
I’d sit doing abs in the gym for 2 hours some days, and be so sore the next day I couldn’t move, or so tired and lethargic I’d skip the day’s planned workout.
And simply logistically, there was no way for me to do 2 and 3 hour workouts like that consistently.
The problem was, I was looking at everything with a short-sighted view. Life, on the other hand, is long. So all my plans revolved around getting results as fast as possible, even though I was a teenager, and barely even started my life
And this is unfortunately how most people look at exercise, eating, and health in general. It’s all about now. Some people think about longevity, but it’s an afterthought at best
The thing is, life is going to happen, whether you want it to or not. You are going to get older. You are going to be 30, 40, 60, 80, whatever, at some point. So for better or worse, you might as well start thinking about it now.
Internalizing these 4 tips will help you create a lifestyle that works for you, and you can keep up with. That way, you can be healthy and enjoy it, not for weeks, or months, but years and decades.
About the Author
Paul Levitin spent a decade as a personal trainer & strength and conditioning coach, becoming the number one trainer in his entire company, while collecting over 30 certificates (CES, CSCS, PRI, PN1, FRC, & many more).
Wanting to better serve his training clients, he began to study behavior change, and eventually became a Board Licensed Health & Wellness Coach (NBHWC). This led him to create his education and mindset coaching company “The Healthy Happy Human Academy,” where he now helps clients deal with things like self-sabotage and perfectionism, to allow them to build a healthy, happy life.
He seeks to bridge the gap between the worlds of fitness and nutrition, and the frustrated, overwhelmed masses who just want to move more, feel better, and live a little longer.
I know. It’s not lost on me that I’ve been an abject failure on the “writing new content” side of things. If it’s any consolation I’ve also been lackluster on a few fronts:
Calling my mom.
Avoiding pizza.
Not (not) being jacked.
Hugs.
My free time has been monopolized by what can only be described as entrepreneurial shenanigans. That being said, this afternoon I have a few hours of free time and will be working on a new T-Nation article! That’s something, right?
RIGHT?
Nevertheless, thankfully I have a few people willing to pinch-write for me of late and to provide some excellent content for this site.
Today is another gem on “goal setting” via Paul Levitin I think will resonate with many of you reading.
It’s the motivational cliche to end all motivational cliches.
You’ve heard it before, hell, I’ve said it before.
There’s a lot of truth in that statement. It’s true most of the time. It’s true, except for when it’s not.
The unfortunate reality is, the only fundamental truth of life is that nothing is set in stone. The one rule that will always hold true, is that there are exceptions to every rule.
I do agree with the sentiment behind the “never quit, never give up” mentality. I love me a good David Goggins or Andy Frisella rant as much as the next guy.
It gets me going!
I mean, it’s just the truth.
Gonna be pretty hard for you to win a race, if you stop running before the finish line. It’s going to be pretty hard for you to be the past person standing in the battle, if you give up and sit down.
If you don’t quit, eventually, you will find success. “Consistency is key,” is a law that supersedes fitness, finance, relationships, and all life success in general.
But what about when it doesn’t?
If there are exceptions to every rule, that means that there are times where quitting is necessary. Not only is it not simply something you should avoid, but in reality, when the time calls for it, quitting is the only logical choice, and to keep pushing forward with a plan of action that ISN’T working, actually can be detrimental. You end up spending time, energy, possibly money and other resources, on something that even if “successful,” doesn’t get you the desired result.
In reality, it’s not “never quit! Quitters never win!” but more “Most of the time, quitters never win, and winners seldom quit. Except when they do, which isn’t as often, but it definitely happens, and is certainly worth mentioning.”
The latter just doesn’t quite roll off the tongue as nicely.
So never quit, except when you should. Giving up is bad, except for the times when it’s the smartest thing you can do.
The question is, how can you tell the difference?
Here are three key questions to ask yourself to know if you should soldier on, or give it up and move on to your next pursuit:
1. Is It Impossible, or Improbable?
Often, we confuse one for the other, but they certainly are not the same. Improbable can FEEL like impossible, but that doesn’t make it so. However, some things just are impossible, and no amount of wanting it not to be so, can make it that way.
For example, if I want to play basketball at a high level (not professionally, just becoming a good player), that would be hard. It would mean me, at the age of 32, picking up a sport I’ve never played, learning skills, building athleticism. Those are challenges, but if I am dedicated enough, and I put in the time, energy, and effort necessary, I invest, I get the coaching, I could see it happening.
It would probably take years, but it exists in the realm of possibility.
If however, I wanted to become a 6’7” jacked brick-house black man, and rename myself LeBron Levitin, I might be in for some disappointment. Even if I have been training for years already, fighting for an impossible goal doesn’t make it any more likely.
Sometimes when you set out for a goal, you don’t realize just how hard it’s going to be. Often you can’t, it takes diving in with both feet to really get the full magnitude of the experience. What comes next is usually a feeling of regret.
“Oh shit, what did I sign myself up for?”
“This is dumb, I can’t do this!”.
These feelings are natural, and the harder the endeavor, the faster they’ll come on, and the more intense they will be.
You don’t want to do hard things. No one does. Even if consciously you do, at a subconscious level, all living things have bred into one key desire: survival. At a purely biological level, anything that is hard for us to do, that makes us struggle, or really in any way uncomfortable, sets off alarms in our brain and body.
These alarms say “STOP THAT! Get to safety, quick.”
When you feel the desire to quit then, you have to be able to discern: am I wanting to quit because this goal is actually not ideal for me, or is it just hard?
The latter is your biological defenses coming in, and need to be disregarded in most circumstances.
Some goals though, just don’t work out.
Some projects that you start aren’t worth finishing.
That’s ok, as long as you are sure that you’re stopping because it’s actually going to benefit you in the long run, not because it’s hard or scary or uncomfortable.
3. Have I Given It Enough Time?
Time heals all wounds. Time is our most precious resource. I have father time tattooed on my forearm, because time is an infinitely interesting concept to me. We don’t want to waste time on things that aren’t beneficial, however it also takes time for things to play out, and for the trees of our labor to produce fruit.
If you’re thinking about quitting something, you need to be honest with yourself and ask: is this really not working, or have I simply not given it enough time.
If you’ve been doing a workout program for three weeks and not seeing your ripped abs yet, then chances are you just haven’t given it it’s fair shot, and you need to stick it out a little longer (shiny object syndrome anyone?).
If however you’ve been working on the same program for eight months with no results, and are thinking “maybe month nine is when the gains kick in!,” then it might be time for you to reevaluate.
Unfortunately, there is not one rule for how much time to give.
It matters what the goal is, and in what area of life.
If it’s a fitness goal, a few months is usually enough time to judge. But if it’s business, or a relationship, sometimes it can be years or more.
Refer to questions one and two and decide if it’s something worth sticking it out for. If it’s an impossible goal, or a goal that isn’t worth reaching even if you get there, then move on. If it’s just really freaking hard, like frustratingly hard, but you still think the goal is worth working for, then stick it out.
My point today is simple: you are not broken for wanting to give up or quit.
It’s human nature, and 100% of the time, it’s going to happen.
You can persevere, you can do hard things.
Sometimes though, the answer is to move on, and explore other opportunities. You don’t have to feel bad about it, and you definitely don’t have to just stick to things because “quitting is for losers!” Be honest with yourself, and be open to exploring the deeper questions of why you’re wanting to quit and move on, and I’m quite sure you’ll know what the right answer truly is.
About the Author
Paul Levitin spent a decade as a personal trainer & strength and conditioning coach, becoming the number one trainer in his entire company, while collecting over 30 certificates (CES, CSCS, PRI, PN1, FRC, & many more).
Wanting to better serve his training clients, he began to study behavior change, and eventually became a Board Licensed Health & Wellness Coach (NBHWC). This led him to create his education and mindset coaching company “The Healthy Happy Human Academy,” where he now helps clients deal with things like self-sabotage and perfectionism, to allow them to build a healthy, happy life.
He seeks to bridge the gap between the worlds of fitness and nutrition, and the frustrated, overwhelmed masses who just want to move more, feel better, and live a little longer.
My wife walked out of her office the other day and stopped in her tracks. It looked like the opening shot of an episode of Forensic Files.
There I was lying sprawled out on the living room floor motionless.
“Are you okay? Are you sick or something?”
“No, I’m not sick” I said. “My workout was brutal today. I can’t move. I just need a few more minutes to allow my soul to reenter my body.”
“Oh, okay then. That’s nice babe. Don’t forget to put your gym bag back where it belongs.”
What can I say: What we have is true love.
All kidding aside, while it may not seem so obvious to begin with, this example of marital magic serves as a nice primer on motivation and how that interplays with one’s desire (and rationale) to exercise consistently.
How to Motivate Your Clients
What I described above is not an exaggeration.
I had just gone through a pretty brutal workout where I hit close to max numbers on all three of the “big 3” (squat, bench press, deadlift) despite having just deadlifted fairly heavy the day prior.
It’s a split I wasn’t accustomed to, and by the time I got home my body felt like it had been put through the ringer. I was basically reliving Rambo: First Blood, except without a cave full of rats, and an asshole local sheriff busting my balls.
Oh, and there was no torrential rainfall.
But here’s the thing.
I knew heading into that workout that I was going to feel like garbage afterward. But I did it anyway. Not because I wanted (or even strive) to feel like that, but rather because the alternative – not doing it – goes against my inner fabric.
Working out consistently is part of my identity, it’s part of what makes me me; much like listening to 90’s hip-hop, wearing groutfits, and ordering chicken at a seafood restaurant is also part of what makes me me.
This is a form of motivation that’s referred to as Integrated Regulation.
It describes many coaches/fitness professionals, as well as those people who would rather commit seppuku than miss a workout.
It’s admirable, but IT IS NOT THE END-ALL-BE-ALL GOAL OR FORM OF MOTIVATION.
Motivation comes in different varieties and iterations and it’s imperative (especially as a coach) to NOT hold our clients to the above standard.
Instead, it behooves us to lean into whatever (extrinsic) reason motivates our clients to exercise. For some it’s because they want to look hot, for others it’s because their doctor suggested they need to or risk more dire consequences, and of course, there’s tacos.
ALL are forms of motivation and should be encouraged and embraced.
Another thing to consider (and something my colleague, Derek Stanley, wrote about recently), is this idea that discipline is the underlying “x-factor” when it comes to motivation.
“I wasn’t motivated to train, but I did it anyway.”
This is actually a high-degree of motivation! As alluded to above this person does it anyway because it’s a part of their identity. They’re just trying to brag a bit and earn a few social media likes…;o)
As Derek notes:
“Ironically, we say this to try to motivate people. It’s well-meaning. But it’s still unhelpful. The underlying assertion is that it’s all about discipline, not motivation. If you skip your workouts, you’re lazy or undisciplined.
Just do it.”
The bigger picture to appreciate here is that even if you’re thinking about working out, you have all the motivation you need.
You have the juice.
As Derek further elaborates, “if you weren’t motivated, then it wouldn’t even be on your radar.”
You’d just keep living your Tuesday.
Fitness professionals need to stop being such hardos when it comes to this stuff. Motivation and facilitating change is a spectrum and these are skills that don’t come naturally to most. It rarely comes squarely down to will-power (or lack thereof) or “not wanting it enough.”
Your clients have motivation, you’re likely just looking for it through the wrong lense.
This course was developed by my wife (yep, the one referenced above) to help coaches/trainers/PTs better understand motivation and how to become a more well-rounded professional.
If you’re looking for something different than continuing Ed focused on sets and reps, stability and mobility, or other “nuts and bolts” aspects of training, this is the course for you!!
In this course, you will learn AND gain skills for:
1. Leveraging your clients motivation,
2. Progressing your clients to encourage positive behavior change,
3. Working through barriers to change, “loss” of motivation, and other psychological challenges that ALWAYS HAPPEN in coaching!!
In lieu of recent world events it’s been a challenge not to be a bit more introspective and to not get lost in a deeper train of thought.
Regardless of what side of the fence you reside on – relax I’m not here to judge12 – it’s hard not to be cognizant of and be disappointed by the cacophony of toxic rhetoric and word vomit being spewed in every direction possible.
I couldn’t help but notice some of the same parallels within health/fitness circles.
People like to argue.
A lot.
Admittedly, the vibe isn’t quite as dark and Apocalyptic in nature as the political/world scene, but people nevertheless have biases, like what they like, think what they think, and despite reason, science, or common-sense, cannot be swayed to see the bigger picture.
Or better yet…see the “middle ground.”
Alas, don’t be taken aback by the title of this post.
Zeitgeist.
It’s a word that looks and sounds scarier than it actually is. I mean, it looks like something someone screams as part of a finishing move in Mortal Kombat.
I promise it isn’t scary at all. The words that follow aren’t going to take themselves too seriously.
In his book The God Delusion, Richard Dawkins dedicates an entire chapter around the concept of morality. At the expense of walking on thin ice as it is – bringing up both politics and religion are generally two things I avoid (along with Coldplay) – all I’ll say here is that Dawkins notes how almost all societies and cultures have always had a knack for evolving.
No coincidence given his background as a Darwinian Biologist.
“In any society there exists a somewhat mysterious consensus, which changes over the decades, and for which it is not pretentious to use the German loan-word Zeitgeist.”
Zeitgeist = spirit of the times, or the dominant set of ideals and beliefs that motivate the actions of the members of a society in a particular period in time.
To drive the point home – and I promise I’ll be done with the serious talk – Dawkins notes how slavery, which was taken for granted throughout most of history, was abolished in civilized countries in the 19th century. Moreover, Women’s Suffrage, didn’t exist for a long time.
Here in the States, it wasn’t a law until the 1920s.
Today, in most societies, both events – rightfully so – would be considered egregiously absurd.
The point is: Societies change and evolve over time.
Although I’m still perplexed as to how skinny jeans have managed to last this long. It boggles my mind.
The health/fitness world mirrors this Zeitgeist phenomenon. Back in the early 20th century, when guys like Eugene Sandow were overhead pressing anything they could get their hands on – dumbbells, rocks, oxen (<— only a slight exaggeration) – they were considered odd and social misfits. Society as a whole deemed “lifting weights for pleasure or aesthetics” as something uncouth or what weirdos did.
Fast forward to the 1960-80s, often considered the golden age of bodybuilding, pretty much every adolescent kid had a poster of Arnold Schwartzenegger, Frank Zane, or Serge Nubret on their walls.
Using another example, prior to the 1970s the only reason to do any running was if you were 1) clinically insane or 2) happened to be being chased by a lion down Fifth Ave.
I suspect this was a common conversation:
Person 1 (1957): “Hey, wanna go for a jog?”
Person 2 (1957): “What in the name of Leave it to Beaver is a jog?”
Person 1 (1957): “It’s where we go outside and repeatedly run in a straight line for hours on end, you know, for fun.”
Person 2 (1957): “We can’t be friends anymore.”
“Going for a jog” didn’t exist.
Enter Jim Fixx’s best-selling book The Complete Book of Running (1977) espousing the many benefits of jogging for overall heart health, and the craze was born. Now millions of people use it as their main mode of exercise all around the world and entire events and social gatherings are organized around it.
Which begs the question: what other components of health/fitness have followed the same path? What has changed in the industry over the course of a few decades or years?
Here are some.
1) CrossFit
It started as a “fad” where people did stupid stuff in the name of hard-core workouts, shitting a spleen, and/or internet bragging rights.
A1. Trap Bar Farmer Carries (over a bed of hot coals) x 25 yds
A2. Run Over Right Arm with a Prius x AMRAP
First off: CrossFit can no-longer be considered a fad.
It, too, has evolved into a fitness powerhouse and bonafide spectacle of cultural achievement. It’s less popular today than it was in 2010, but it’s still relevant in today’s fitness culture. No one event in the past decade has gotten more people excited to exercise – specifically to pick up a barbell – than CrossFit.
For that I’d be remiss not to give it my nod of gratitude. If nothing else, CrossFit has served as an unparalleled vessel (or impetus) for people to train, and to train hard.
Are there still things about I don’t agree with? Of course. Are there still morons who open up a box who have no business doing so and end up hurting people? Absolutely. But those are few and far between, and CF is no where near the ocular train wreck it was once synonymous with.
I mean, to give credit where it’s due, CrossFit is so engrained into our culture now that there are people who think it invented lifting weights.
Oh, you squat? CrossFit.
That’s pretty impressive.
The time(s) of bashing CrossFit entirely are over. Some of it is warranted. However, it’s time we give it the respect it has rightfully earned.
2) Training For Life
To that end: can we please stop assuming that if a woman picks up a barbell or lifts anything heavier than a bag of groceries that she’s automatically “training for something specific.”
My wife is often approached in the gym by both men and women who see her getting after it, and while they certainly don’t mean any disrespect in asking, will inevitably say something to tune of, “Wow, that’s impressive, what are you training for? A competition? A show? Are you a secret assassin?”
My wife’s universal answer: “life.”
Women go to the gym to go to the gym.
Weird, I know.
Yes, it’s a bit facetious…but if we really wanted to respect the Zeitgeist mentality we’d respect the notion that women, much like men, view lifting weights in much the same way. As nothing more than something that’s simply done after work at 5 PM sharp.
It doesn’t have to be a thing.
3) Post Workout Window – Meh
I fell prey to the concept of the anabolic window in the early 2000s. The idea was that if you worked out and didn’t get some nutrients in your body13 within 30-60 minutes after, NONE OF IT COUNTED.
NONE OF IT!
Alas, the whole notion of the anabolic window, while a nice thought, is a bit of an over-exaggeration. We’ve come to understand that total calories over a 24-hour period matter more than some arbitrary caloric number ingested within a specific time-frame.
4) Cardio Will Not Steal Your Gainz
There’s been a bit of a renaissance on this front in recent years. There was a period of time where any thought of doing “cardio” would immediately zap your strength and make you look like Skeletor.
Although that doesn’t make sense, because, Skeletor is fucking jacked.
Regardless, for many years, mostly in the 90s into the early 2000s, the idea was cardio – any cardi0 – would zap your gainz.
It was, of course, a foolhardy way of thinking.
The body is a pretty resilient piece of machinery and if all it took was a 5k to lose all your muscle, we would have been wiped out eons ago.
Coaches like Alex Viada have played a huge role in the recent surge in popularity of “hybrid training,” or training for both strength and endurance simultaneously. The key to this approach is about working hard, but being lazy.
To quote Alex:
“In other words, do as little as possible to attain the necessary result. Lift less often than a powerlifter, run less than a runner, bike less than a cyclist, swim less than a swimmer… the body has limited recovery, and will quickly become overwhelmed.
Isolate what is truly important in each type of training, focus on those areas, and do them well. Cut out the junk miles, cut out the gym pissing contests, be draconian in how you approach routines – take those articles with the “ten exercises you should be doing” and toss them in the trash. The more you want to do, the less you should be doing.”
And it’s hard to discount the troves of research espousing the million and one benefits of cardiovascular health, not to mention the (positive) physiological adaptations that occur within the body (improved substrate utilization, better ability to buffer acid buildup from lactate metabolism) and the heart itself (stretching of the walls themselves eccentrically, more or less making a bigger pump and improving stroke volume) which makes it all worthwhile.
The fact of the matter is: improved cardiovascular health (when programmed accordingly and not to excess) will not only improve work capacity, but also improve performance in the weight room.
Today’s guest post come courtesy of personal trainer, strength & conditioning coach, wellness coach, and owner of more certifications than anyone on Earth, Paul Levitin.
I’ve crossed paths with Paul several times throughout the years. He’s attended a workshop or two of mine and most recently we connected again at the Raise the Bar Conference down in Orlando, FL a few weekends ago.
We got to talking on a bevy of topics while down there and he expressed some interest in writing a guest post for my site on self-sabotage.
Not a light topic by any stretch, but I think you’ll enjoy his writing style. I know I learned a few things!
Enjoy.
Why You Self Sabotage, and How to Stop It
“…Hey you.
You, yeah I’m talking to you…
Why do you keep doing that?
That thing you do… where you say you’re gonna do something, but don’t? Where you talk yourself out of things, give up before you get a result, or commit to obligations you know you can’t fulfill? You keep getting in your own way! STOP IT!…”
That’s me, talking to myself in the mirror, after yet another in a long line of instances of not following through on my commitments, doing what I said I would to, or achieving my goals.
It doesn’t matter if we are talking about a diet, sticking to a workout program, building an online business, or literally anything else.
When it comes to achieving goals, or rather NOT achieving them, it really boils down to one simple thing:
We get in our own way.
I say “we,” because this is an inherently human trait.
Since you are reading this, I can assume that you’re either a human, or an incredibly smart dog, monkey, or octopus, in which case, idk, maybe self-sabotage is a thing for you too. If my hunch is correct though, and you ARE a human, then the fact of the matter is, you have a tendency to self-sabotage (see, I’m doing it right now, talking about octopus in an article about self-sabotage!).
We can make all of the excuses in the world, from lack of time, to not knowing where to start, to a million things in between.
If we are honest though, those are all the same. Different versions of self-sabotage.
Who controls your time?
Who controls what media you consume?
Who controls everything about you?
(That’s not a trick question)
It’s YOU.
Therefore, if you aren’t getting your shit handled, it’s your fault.
YES, there can be external factors. YES some people have kids and jobs and families and pandemics and global economic crises. BLAH BLAH, I get it.
Those things are real, but they still don’t negate the one truth, the truthiest truth, that the only things you have control over in this life are yourself, your actions, and how you spend your time (to an extent).
It may seem abrasive when put so bluntly, but trust me, I am not being judgmental. That’s why I started all of this by telling you a little of my own personal internal dialogue. A wise person once said, “the best research is actually me-search,” and let’s just say I’ve done a shit load of ME-search on the topic of self-sabotage.
I am the one who most holds ME back, and chances are, you are the one holding yourself back.
People don’t like to hear it. However, when we do hear it, we inherently usually (if begrudgingly) tend to admit this to be true, because well, it’s true. You can’t really argue against it (RIP my inbox, I know the keyboard warriors are coming for me).
There’s a keyboard somewhere in the background. Look closely. See it?14
I’ve spent this much time hammering this point because it is imperative that we get past this right out of the gate if we are to move forward.
Now that we are on the same page, let me lay out three key mindset shifts that you MUST adopt if you want to have a chance in the battle of self-sabotage.
The First Key Is Acceptance
Acceptance lies at the root of all positive change. Acceptance of what is.
If I want to lose weight, I have to first accept that I am at a weight that I am unhappy, or otherwise uncomfortable at. I must accept that my decisions around food and activity up until this point have gotten me here.
If I want to build a successful fitness blog, I have to accept certain realities as well. I have to accept that I need to practice writing. I have to accept that an established blog like the one you’re reading this on, has a huge readership and trust that I don’t have yet, and that my clicks will pale in comparison.
I need to accept what IS, and what IS NOT.
What is a FACT.
Because, on the flip side of acceptance, is blame. Blaming others, blaming algorithms, blaming genetics.
John Maxwell has a great quote on leadership that goes “we don’t solve problems that we didn’t create.” If you can pass the blame, pass the buck, you will also find reasons not to find the solution.
So if you want to stop self-sabotage, and get out of your own way, it starts with accepting the realities of your current situation.
The Second Key Is to Set Better Goals
A big reason I’ve found myself, and my clients self-sabotaging in the past, is because we tend to work towards goals that don’t really matter.
When I say “don’t matter,” what I mean is, they don’t have a deep internalized meaning.
Sure you want to lose weight. Who doesn’t? If I had a magic wand and said I’d wave off a couple kilos of fat for you, pretty much everyone on the planet would take that deal.
But when you set a goal to lose weight, are you thinking about what it really means?
Why do you want to lose weight?
Is it truly for you?
Why 20lb, not 10, or 23?
Is it because you want it, or is it because society told you that you’re supposed to look a certain way?
When you have chest and arm day scheduled, but would rather sit and eat a bag of Cheetos, is that you being lazy, or do you have no real connection to the goal of having bigger pecs?
Who said that was the ideal physique?
(NOTE from TG: My wife would call this “should’ing on yourself.” I should look “x” way, I should follow this training split, I should watch Yellowjackets on Showtime. Stop should’ing on yourself.)
We understand that fitness is important, and movement and exercise are a conduit to that. But does that mean you have to bench press?
Maybe you’d be better served doing pilates twice a week, and dancing to Zumba with your kids during playtime?
Trying to force-feed yourself goals, because they are accepted as the “standard” seems smart on the surface. However, deep down, your subconscious mind is all “uh, fuck that noise. I don’t even want any of that result, so why would I put myself through the stress of doing the work?”
When there is no connection, you’ll find it very hard to stay motivated.
If instead you have goals that aren’t just arbitrary, and are actually built around you, and make you feel GOOD, and make you EXCITED to go out and do the work it will take to achieve them, then you’re setting yourself up for success.
Lastly…
The Third Key to Stop Self-Sabotage Dead in its Tracks, Is to Embrace Failure
The biggest, most pervasive form of self-sabotage, is undoubtedly perfectionism.
We want things to go well, we want everything to work out perfectly. We expect them to, and when they don’t, the little thought gremlins come in saying “well, no point now!” or “see, I knew we couldn’t do this!”
This is the dieter who lets one meal off plan turn into a day, which turns into a weekend, into a “i’ll start next month.”
It’s the lifter who has five workouts scheduled, and when a life event causes him or her to miss three, decides the other two aren’t worth doing.
Logically, it’s easy to see why this fallacy holds us back. However once again, this stuff is human nature. This isn’t me or you, it’s just how our brains work.
To combat this, we must lean into failure. You have to understand that not only is failure probable, it is GUARANTEED. There is no world, no universe or time lines in all of Dr Strange’s multi-verse, where you are not going to fail.
It is as certain as the sun rising each morning, or as me clicking “I’m still watching” on netflix. There is no other way around it.
You cannot be perfect. You cannot be perfect.
YOU.
CANNOT.
BE.
PERFECT.
Once you accept that (hey, that’s key one, that’s a callback!), then you don’t have to be so afraid of failing anymore. You’ll be able to push yourself more, to try things that normally you might not (key 2), and most importantly, when you do fail, which you will, you won’t let it get you down, because you’ll remember that it’s all part of the process (key 3).
Get out of your own way, and there will be nothing else in the world that can stop you!
About the Author
Paul Levitin spent a decade as a personal trainer & strength and conditioning coach, becoming the number one trainer in his entire company, while collecting over 30 certificates (CES, CSCS, PRI, PN1, FRC, & many more).
Wanting to better serve his training clients, he began to study behavior change, and eventually became a Board Licensed Health & Wellness Coach (NBHWC). This led him to create his education and mindset coaching company “The Healthy Happy Human Academy,” where he now helps clients deal with things like self-sabotage and perfectionism, to allow them to build a healthy, happy life.
He seeks to bridge the gap between the worlds of fitness and nutrition, and the frustrated, overwhelmed masses who just want to move more, feel better, and live a little longer.
Today see’s the return of a TG.com OG…George Kalantzis.
George is a long-time friend and colleague of mine. We first crossed paths when he started as an intern at Cressey Sports Performance over a decade ago. He then transitioned to a full-time coach where he spearheaded CSP’s Strength Camps.
In the years since George has gone on to be a best-selling author, releasing his book, Nowhere to Go, late last year. It’s a treat to have George back writing on the site and sharing some important life lessons.
I know this title may piss some people off, but it’s 2022, and we don’t need any more positive mantras or articles about how the Universe, or some magic plan will save us from our struggles.
Let me explain in a way that saved my life – poetry and prose:
How could your life be different if you surrendered this search? A part of you has called you here to read to these words.
Everything changes at the touch of our fingertips. Hearts, likes, comments, and clicks. Tweets and TikTok’s, it seems like it’s all about the destination, but the journey is how you will find what you need in the school of heart knocks.
Transitions in life are inevitable. Difficult times will find you when you least expect them. The pandemic has shown the world these truths.
Yet, many people still struggle with taking responsibility for their lives. They quickly blame others and create stories to justify their choices while forgetting that most of their problems directly reflect their choices.
This isn’t me judging your way of living. I know what it’s like to search for everything more in life to get through the struggle.
This is me telling you to pay attention to your choices because every choice has consequences. And if you want to overcome challenges with adversity and live authentically, these concepts can help you tap into your true potential.
The Universe Doesn’t Give A Fuck About Your Problems
Everyone wants to feel like they belong to something. We’re coded for survival, so we seek others to make our lives easier. The problem arises when we lean too much on others for our own survival. What was once meant to be a relationship that makes life more enjoyable becomes essential, like water.
More relationships, more alcohol, more mind-numbing scrolling. We’d rather choose a life based upon validation and approval rather than one that aligns with our feelings.
That’s why many of us often struggle to find a sense of self.
But the longer we allow our story to be written by outside forces, the longer we remain trapped. We’re on a treadmill, going through the motions of living but not actually going anywhere.
Adi Da Samraj, an American spiritual teacher and writer, said, “Notice what is affecting you. In one fashion or another, through the Grace of Truth Itself, you must handle your business…”
That is to say, the more you know those moments in which you seek to run, the more you can make choices that align with your true potential. If you find yourself struggling, you only have two choices: choose to live in a life filled with excuses and blame others, or you can stop running and choose yourself for the first time.
This is the power of the Universe.
Not by magically thinking this existential force will save you from despair.
Life is A Magnificent Dance
You might think being a Marine means it’s easier for me to foster a sense of discipline, clarity, and purpose in life. But, that is far from the truth.
I’ve had to clear many personal hurdles, including almost taking my life over the last few years. To say it was a challenging few years would be undermining the amount of personal growth and pain I’ve endured.
Because music is the medicine of mind and soul, I believe life is a magnificent dance that invites us to be more than we can ever imagine.
But that doesn’t mean the dance is linear or easy to follow.
Every song we choose to dance with is filled with twists and turns along our journey. Even the ones that seem significant and small in our lives. These dances all add up, one by one, until we’re just a bunch of mindless bodies running around without direction or purpose.
During difficult times, the mind constantly strives to solve problems. We work all day to prevent any feelings of discomfort from creeping into our lives. We push our bodies to exhaustion. But, no matter what we do, we end up feeling more lost, unseen, depressed, and stressed to the max.
Life kind of just happens while we disconnect from our true selves with no sense of purpose and direction. But life is so fleeting when you aren’t honest with yourself.
When life presents you with unexpected challenges, I urge you to be more open to all the dances in life. Create space for yourself to check in with how you are truly feeling inside. Give yourself permission to slow down. While acceptance might make you feel lost, if you can find the courage to sit with the discomfort a little longer each day, you will find wisdom from the challenges you face.
Try these journal prompts to start and list the first thought that comes to your mind:
The reason I struggle with slowing down is…
What I’m afraid might happen if I slow down is…
Moving fast is protecting me by…( it is somehow or you wouldn’t always be stressed or anxious)
What I would like to happen right now is…
What I think I need to happen is…
The reason I have a hard time trusting this will happen is…
What I could do right now to move towards that outcome is…
Create Mentors
Notice how I didn’t say find a mentor but create.
Along the way, someone told us we had to be more than what we needed. So, we forgot to love, laugh, breathe, dance, cry, and experience life for what it is. But at any given moment, the storms of life can come. They remind us that nothing in life is ever certain.
I create mentors in life because I know my journey is filled with many directions and living authentically allows me to create situations where mentors appear when I least expect them.
You’ll create mentors if you can teach yourself to experience life and enjoy simple things. It could be a great workout. A scoop of ice cream. A conversation with an old friend. A random date night. These are where you’ll find mentors. You don’t need to keep searching for more. You have so many mentors in life available to you right now. The only catch, you must be engaged in the dance of life.
If you can’t create or enjoy simple moments, you aren’t ready for an actual mentor. Start creating, and you’ll soon find everything you need.
Accept Your Last Breath
My dad let our family know he was slowly dying of cancer a few years ago. The disease spread into his bones and is eating away at his insides. Seeing him live through the process has been one of the most painful experiences to watch from afar.
I have seen many deaths in life, but watching him surrender to something he cannot control is a powerful reminder that our last breath can come at any time.
If we look at our experiences from this viewpoint, our last breath becomes a potent elixir to fuel our darkest and brightest days. Except sometimes, it’s hard to think about our experiences that way.
But what if we searched a bit deeper and filled our lungs with air as if it was our last breath in times of anxiety and stress? This is the gift of life and why our breath is so powerful.
We can choose to see that everything we endure serves as a vehicle to an expanded version of ourselves, or we can decide to suffocate the spaces in our bodies that need to breathe with anxiety and stress.
Either way, we are all part of a brilliant transformation occurring at this moment as we collectively search to find truth and liberation from our suffering.
People like my dad understand the power of the last breath.
They do not fear death but instead live as if something new is being born. This dance with death gives them the courage to continue living with an open heart and surrender to whatever is unfolding. Fear is useless in this dance; trusting yourself is paramount.
Our last breath doesn’t mean we stop trying to live, or give up in the face of adversity; it means we surrender to the ideas or beliefs that prevent us from breathing fully. When we accept the idea of our last breath, we can rest easy knowing we’re on our way to transcending into something greater than ourselves.
The Way To Live Authentically
I’m not here because I think I’m better than you. Nor did I write this article to get lost in a sea of internet trolls. I wrote this article to show that you don’t have to be a victim of life. You are always in control of your choices and your freedom. As you go through your life, remember to create space for yourself to breathe deeply, connect to your heart, and move with your body. These things will provide you with solace when life feels heavy.
About the Author
George is the author of Nowhere to Go, a podcast host, a decorative combat veteran, and a personal coach at the Art of Tough Transitions.
With nearly 20 years of encounters with tough transitions, George empowers men and women to live life authentically by giving them the courage to find their voice and unlock their potential. He has the unique ability to speak to people in ways that make them feel seen and heard through a combination of prose, poetry, coaching, and experience that can only be found in the school of heart knocks.
Paul Levitin spent a decade as a personal trainer & strength and conditioning coach, becoming the number one trainer in his entire company, while collecting over 30 certificates (CES, CSCS, PRI, PN1, FRC, & many more).
