Categoriespsychology

The Law of Social Sabotage: Understanding the Reactions of People That Try to Hold Us Back From Being Healthy

Today’s guest post comes courtesy of TG.com regular, Justin Kompf.

  • Ever have a family member or friend give you flak for going out of your way to exercise?
  • How about for eating healthy?
  • What about for having pecs that can cut diamonds?1

In any case, it’s important to understand that when this happens it’s (rarely) because they’re judging you or attempting to make you feel bad on purpose. It’s often a result of other, internal factors on their end.

Great post from Justin today.

Also, I defy anyone to read the word “sabotage” and NOT immediately have the Beastie Boys’ song of the same title reverberate in their head.

“I can’t stand it, I know you planned it…”

Copyright: sir270 / 123RF Stock Photo

The Law of Self Sabotage

In 1686 Sir Isaac Newton introduced his three laws of motion in “Principia Mathematica Philosophiae Naturalis.” His third law states that for every action in nature there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Centuries later, and much less importantly, I was interviewed in a podcast and was asked what to do when attempts to be healthy are sabotaged (i.e. met with cruel remarks) by significant others.

Why, when we try to be healthy do other folks try to stop us?

I’m of the mind that their behaviors are often not malicious. Your desire to change and your behaviors cause an emotional reaction.

Behaviors are just behaviors, reactions and the extent to which someone reacts to your behaviors is a reflection of what that means to them within the context of everything else that is happening in their lives.

Let’s say your partner gets upset with you for something you did. Maybe you put your dishes in the sink and not the dishwasher. Their reaction should be a 1 out of 10 but instead it’s a 5 out of 10.

Note From TG: In the case of my household it would be a sleep on the couch out of 10.

Something else caused the elevated reaction. Perhaps it was the fact that they have asked you to not do this. Maybe they have had a really tough day at work or a fight with a family member. Either way, something else caused the elevated reaction.

So, if you eat a salad and that makes your partner upset, this is because something else is happening on their side of the equation.

Here is my law of social sabotage:

A behavior + it’s meaning to the other person =  reaction.

If for whatever reason I keyed someone’s car right in front of them, they should flip out. They should be pissed! They should have an elevated reaction.

Maybe they will yell at me. Maybe they will call the cops or punch me in the face. Their reaction will be based on what it means to them in the context of my bad behavior.

via GIPHY

Exercising should mean nothing to someone else. It is a completely neutral behavior. If someone makes snide remarks about you exercising it is because it makes them feel a certain way. Maybe it makes them feel insecure that they are not exercising.

What to do?

Be crystal clear in your conversation with that person. Tell them how their behaviors have an influence on you. Tell them why doing this is important to you and that you would like their support.

Tell them that their reactions to you trying to improve yourself hurt. Importantly, tell them that you would like to listen and hear why they are doing what they are doing.

Then actually do what you said you would do, listen!

Again, it is not your behavior that is the problem if you’re trying to be healthy, it’s how your behavior is making someone else feel.

Want to learn more about how to deal with things that can drain your motivation? Want to learn more about ways to harness motivation? This was an excerpt from Justin’s motivation eBook which you can download HERE.

About the Author

Justin Kompf is doctoral student studying exercise and health sciences. He is a personal trainer in Boston at CLIENTEL3.

You can follow Justin here and here.

(He’s obsessed with his girlfriend’s dog).

 

CategoriesExercises You Should Be Doing

Exercises You Should Be Doing: Chaos Bridge

Hey there.

It’s been a minute.

In fact, I think this is the longest I’ve gone without writing anything – like, complete radio silence in the history of this blog.1

I don’t know…I just haven’t been inspired to write much of late. And while part of me feels a sense of regret that I’ve left my audience hanging the past several weeks, the other part of me falls under the umbrella of “better to not write anything at all than write crap.”

So, to that end, what follows hopefully isn’t crap…;o)

Copyright: maridav / 123RF Stock Photo

Exercises You Should Be Doing: Chaos Bridge

For those keeping up with my life, a little over two months ago I ruptured my Achilles tendon. I wish I could sit here and say I did it while doing something cool like split jerking 440 lbs, deadlifting a Mack Truck, or fighting a pack of ninjas.

Alas, I did it while performing a very vanilla, hum-drum drill.

A jump-back start.

Essentially this:

The only difference between what’s shown above and what I did was that 1) I injured my right side, not left and 2) the woman in the video made it waaaaaay further than I did. When I injured mine I fell straight to the floor once my foot made contact with the floor.

In any case, since the injury I’ve been trying to set an example and prove to people that you CAN train around pretty much any injury.

To me “rest” is rarely going to be the long-term answer.

Sure, you need to rest, not be a jerk, and allow ample time post-surgery to heal and recover.

However, the idea that COMPLETE rest is the answer to expediting the healing process and using that as the foundation of rehab is a bit off-kilter if you ask me.

To that end, I wrote THIS blog post a few weeks ago highlighting the concept behind the “Trainable Menu,” or the idea that it behooves most people to focus on what they CAN do rather than what they can’t.

Moreover, I started the hashtag #findyourtrainablemenu on Instagram which I’ve been using to showcase some of my thoughts and ways I’ve been ensuring a training effect working through a significant injury.

As it happens, today’s Exercise You Should Be Doing champions this mindset. But it’s also an exercise that I’d advocate everybody perform, injured or not.

Chaos Bridge

 

Who Did I Steal It From?: Strength & Conditioning coach, personal trainer, and quite literally someone with a MUCH keener eye than myself when it comes to assessing movement, Katie St. Clair.

What Does It Do?: To steal a train of thought from Katie herself:

“Use chaos to build organization.”

Implementing the band forces the body to stabilize itself. Too, and maybe more to the point for my audience: this drill hammers the glutes and hamstrings and anterior core without necessarily placing an inordinate amount of load on the spine.

Believe me: It’s harder than it looks.

Key Coaching Cues: You’ll want to start with thicker band than you think. From there the idea is to press down into the band with one leg while you pull the opposite leg/knee towards your chest (using the bench as a counterbalance).

As you press down into the band try to emphasize feeling your glute contract (the hamstring will take care of itself). Likewise, pull, HARD, toward your chest.

Say hello to your abdominals…;o)

Give this one a try and let me know what you think.

And follow Katie…she puts up amazing content.

CategoriesArrivals Fashion Lifestyle

Two young women doing abdominal

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur.

CategoriesArrivals Nutrition

Aerobic fitness Pilates classes combine

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur.

CategoriesFashion Uncategorized

Fitness Guide For Beginners

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur.

CategoriesFashion

Health & Fitness Audio

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur.

CategoriesFashion

Training with Dumbell

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur.

CategoriesFashion Uncategorized

Full-Length Workout Videos

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur.

CategoriesFashion Uncategorized

Gym Personal Trainer

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur.